Текст книги "Through the Zombie Glass"

Автор книги: Gena Showalter

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Текущая страница: 20 (всего у книги 25 страниц)

The guards had the keys to the cells. Maybe the lab coats did, maybe they didn’t, but I couldn’t see evidence either way. The guards were the sure thing.

I needed to steal a key the next time they came for me.

“What are you thinking?” Jaclyn asked.

“Probably the same thing you are.”

“Yeah. Blueberry pancakes would be awesome.”

I almost grinned. “No. I’m thinking it’s time to go.”

We both looked at Kat. She yawned and rested her head on Reeve’s shoulder.

“She shouldn’t be this bad this quickly,” Jaclyn whispered, unable to mask her worry.

“It’s the stress of the situation,” I replied. “It’s making everything worse.”

“I can hear you, you know,” Kat said. Then, “What are we going to do?”

“Let me worry about that.” I held Jaclyn’s stare until she nodded.

“I wish there was something I could do,” she said, “but they don’t even open my cage anymore. I could try, but they’re used to me, expect my tricks and just ignore me, whatever I say.”

I motioned Reeve over.

She eased Kat’s head to the floor and closed the distance. I put my mouth to her ear and whispered, “When the guards come for me, and they will, I want you to attack one. He might hit you, and I’m sorry for that, because it’s going to hurt, but I need him out of the way for just a few seconds. Can you do it? Can you remember what Veronica taught you?”

She gave a determined nod.

“Enough of that, you two,” a hard voice snapped. A stick was rubbed against the bars.

I looked over. One of the guards stood at the door of our cage.

“We’re hungry and thirsty,” I spat at him. “Why don’t you reduce the number of crimes you’ve committed against us and fix that?”

He looked us over, lingering a bit too long on Reeve, before pivoting on his booted heel. “Get them something to eat and drink,” he commanded one of the lab coats. “Now.”

We were each given a bag of peanut butter crackers and a bottle of water, even Jaclyn.

As hungry as I was, it was like a four-star meal. How sad was that?

“Protein isn’t good for me right now,” Kat mumbled. “Makes my kidneys have to work too hard.”

“We’ll scrape off the peanut better and you can eat the crackers,” I replied, “because you’re eating something.” Words Cole had once spoken to me. I got it now.

Kat and Reeve fell asleep soon after they’d eaten, and I paced the cell, watching the clock. As the day wore on, the labs coats thinned out, just as before. By 2:00 a.m., there were only two people left in the lab. Again, just as before. By six, the others returned. Hello, pattern.

I’d have a four-hour window to act.

I wondered how many guards were stationed at the monitors at 2:00 a.m. One or two I could take. Any more than that, and I’d have big-time problems.

I’d have to risk it. Tonight.

Tomorrow, Kelly would try to use Kat against me.

The guards returned for me at 10:00 a.m.

“You two,” said the one who—pressed his thumb into a keypad. Crap! No actual key to steal. “Get against the back wall.” His attention moved to me. “You, stand in the middle.”

“Forget my plan,” I whispered to Reeve, and she blinked with surprise.

Her eyes were wide, her body quivering as I was cuffed and led out of the cell. I knew she wanted to help me in some way, any way, but I couldn’t cut off the guy’s thumb, so there wasn’t anything to do.

I was escorted into the torture chamber. Kelly was already there, sitting, waiting for me.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Gotta admit I’ve had better days.” As I looked him over, another plan took shape. It was dangerous. It was stupid. But there was no other way.

“I’m sure you have,” he said, and nodded to the guards.

Have to act now. The moment I was uncuffed, I lunged for Kelly, purposely slamming my body into the cart of syringes and scalpels along the way.

We hit the floor, and I grabbed the first thing my fingers found and shoved it into his neck. As the guards scrambled to catch me, I grabbed the second thing my fingers found and shoved it into my pocket.

Everything happened in two, maybe three seconds.

A hard fist slammed into my temple, throwing my body to the side. Stars. Pain. A heavy weight crashed into me, forcing me to my stomach. My arms were roughly twisted behind my back and the cuffs reapplied.

“Get her...out of here...” Kelly gasped.

As I was hauled to my feet, I watched him sit up and pull a syringe out of his neck. Only a syringe. Too bad.

The guard shoved me forward, and I tripped my way back to the cage. Once inside, I did the same thing I’d done yesterday. I threw myself into the far corner, hiding my face—and my actions. As stealthily as possible, I reached into my pocket. Felt...a scalpel.

Perfect.

Whatever’s necessary.

Reeve approached, placed a soft hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay? Your hand is bleeding.”

I looked down and realized the scalpel had sliced through my palm. My adrenaline must be riding high, because I didn’t feel it. “I’ll take care of it.” My shirt was already torn and easy to rip with my teeth. I tied a strip of material around the wound, applying pressure.

“Get some rest,” I told her. For what came next, she was going to need it.

* * *

As I paced the cage, watching the clock yet again, waiting, waiting, I felt as if my sanity...my emotions...my everything hung at the end of a horribly frayed rope. Any second the threads would snap, and I would fall, crack open and all the darkness inside me would spill out.

Death and destruction would ensue.

No one would be safe.

I just... I had to hold it together for Kat, Reeve and Jaclyn.

Fatigue rode me harder than ever, but I forced myself to look past the burning eyes, the quivering limbs and the aches and pangs. I could sleep when the girls were safe.

Finally 2:00 a.m. arrived. The moment of truth.

All but one lab coat had left. The straggler was a heavyset man around forty years old. I could take him in a fight, no problem. The only unknown was how many guards were monitoring the camera feeds.

Actually, no, that wasn’t true. I also didn’t know how many people were in the building. Or how many security clearances I’d have to go through to reach the front doors.

That wasn’t going to stop me. Whatever’s necessary.

I glanced back at the girls. Kat was asleep, though not at rest. Her eyes rolled behind her lids, and violent shivers racked her body.

Though Reeve was awake and watching me, she lay behind Kat, arms curled around her, offering warmth.

Jaclyn sat at the edge of her cot.

Now, I mouthed, then faced Lab Coat.

“Let us out,” I shrieked, the sound startling the guy enough that he actually glanced over at me. I rattled the bars with every bit of my strength. “My friend needs help. Where’s your heart? How can you leave us like this? To starve? To face torture?”

The shrillness of my voice awakened the zombies. Moans and groans erupted all around me.

Hungry.

Eat. Must eat.

Lab Coat pushed to his feet and stomped from the room. If he failed to bring back a guard...

The side door opened, and Lab Coat stalked inside with a tired-looking guard at his side.

I did my best to hide my relief.

Frowning, the guard pointed a finger at me. “Be quiet,” he barked.

Smells so good.

Him. Want him.

Must eat...drain...empty...

Zombie thoughts...or Z.A.’s?

“I’m through being quiet,” I shouted. Bang, bang, bang. I punched at the bars, unconcerned by the sting in my already sore hands. “I’ll never be quiet again. You’ll have to make me.”

Reeve rushed to my side, her voice harmonizing with mine. “We want out. Let us out. Let us out.”

I laughed, but it wasn’t a nice sound. “So brave out there, aren’t you?” I taunted the guard. “Doubt you’d be so confident in here. I could take you down in seconds.”

“This is your last chance to be quiet,” he snarled, hand curling around the stick hanging at his waist. Then his gaze landed on Reeve and narrowed. He licked his lips. “But please, do me a favor and refuse it. I’ll come in there and show you just how brave I can be.”

“Let us out. Let us out.” Reeve.

“Coward!” Me.

Grinning a terrible grin, he pressed his thumb against the lock. When he pulled the door open, I shoved Reeve behind me and backed her toward Kat, who had woken up and now leaned against the far wall. All the while, I gripped the scalpel I’d stolen, the blade hidden by my arm.

He stomped toward us, his eagerness to get his hands on Reeve making him stupid. He grabbed me, probably intending to toss me to the side, but I struck without hesitation, stabbing him in the neck.

Howling, eyes going wide, he stumbled away from me. His knees buckled before he could exit the cage, and he went down. Blood gushed from the wound, leaking through his knuckles as he applied pressure.

Whatever’s necessary, remember?

“Scalpel,” Jaclyn shouted, jerking me out of the daze.

I tossed it to her, wondering why she needed it, then rushed out of the cage, closing in on Lab Coat. He remained on his feet, as if frozen.

“Don’t hurt me,” he pleaded.

“Like you didn’t hurt me?” I punched him in the throat with a blood-covered hand, and he, too, went down. I tore the badge from around his neck before stalking to the glass case where the tranq guns were stored.

In the hallway, an alarm erupted, screeching through the airways. Dang it. There was at least one more guard.

“Get Kat and get out of here,” I instructed Reeve, and pounded my fist into the glass. “I’ll get Jaclyn.”

Shards rained to the floor; my knuckles stung and bled. I grabbed the gun as the side door burst open, a single guard rushing through. Just before he reached me, I managed to turn and squeeze the trigger. He fell—right on top of me.

Struggling to breathe, I wiggled out from under him and turned to finish off Lab Coat, only to realize he’d already regained his bearings, found another badge to use on the door and rushed out of the room.

“Ali.” In the cage, Reeve was struggling to hold up Kat. I pocketed as many tranq darts as I could hold and rushed over to help, passing Jaclyn along the way.

She’d freed herself.

I looked around and computed how. The guard’s arm had been close enough for her to reach through the bars, and she had removed his thumb with the scalpel. We think alike. Then she’d used what she’d taken to unlock the door.

The guard had stopped writhing, was motionless in a pool of his own blood. Unblinking eyes stared off in the distance.

I’d taken a life.

WHATEVER’S NECESSARY.

A sob escaped me, a testament to the still-fraying rope holding back my emotions. It wouldn’t last much longer now. Shaking, I removed his badge and handed it to Reeve, just in case we were separated.

“Got another tranq gun.” Jaclyn came up beside me and gently removed Kat from my hold, wrapping her arm around the girl’s waist to remove half the burden from Reeve.

“You’re strongest. You lead the way.”

“I’m just going to slow you guys down,” Kat panted. “Leave me here and come back for me later.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I said. “I’d rather stay here than leave without you.”

“Seriously, Ally Kat,” Jaclyn said. “Shut it.”

“Now follow me.”

I used Lab Coat’s badge to open the door to the hallway. We entered a long, narrow passage I was relieved to find empty. Maybe I’d disabled the only guards. Please, please.

“Where should we go?” Reeve asked, her voice strained.

I ripped the emergency exit map from the wall, considered the corridors and said, “This way.”

Down the hall. Around a corner. Another hall, another corner. In the stairwell, our breathing and footsteps echoed off the walls. But those were the only sounds. No one was following us. Others would be here soon, though. I was certain the alarm had already been reported to Kelly, wherever he was.

Kat’s head lolled to the side as the girls carried her down, down, down the steps. As fatigued as I was, as undernourished, as wounded, my trembling seemed to magnify with every new inch of ground I gained.

Finally we reached the end of the well, and I used the key card to open the door.

“—remote camera show they entered the stairwell.” Kelly’s voice rose above a symphony of pounding footsteps.

Dang it! How had he gotten here so quickly?

Jaclyn and I shared a look of absolute, utter panic.

“I want you six to comb every inch of it. And I want a man posted on every floor. We’re dealing with four half-starved teenage girls. You should have no trouble finding and subduing them.”

As yet unnoticed, we dragged Kat to the side of the now-abandoned security desk.

Perfect timing. A group of men whisked past us. Six entered the door we’d just left, and one muttered, “We aren’t paid enough for this.” Some entered the elevators. They were all dressed haphazardly, as if they’d been roused from sleep and had had to hurry. There must be a facility close by. Like army barracks, maybe. We’d have to be careful to avoid it.

I gazed longingly at the wall of glass doors leading outside.

“You two,” Kelly said as he entered the elevator, “wait here.” There was a white bandage wrapped around his neck. He was pale, almost as shaky as I was. “Call me if they make it this far.”

The doors closed on him.

The two men he’d left behind assumed their positions, forcing us to inch our way around the desk to continue to hide our presence. I sat for a moment, trying to decide on our next move.

There was only one thing to do, really.

“Wait here,” I whispered, and crawled to the end of the desk. I peeked around the edge, noting the exact positions of the guards. Then I set a dart beside my thigh, readied my gun, aimed.

Deep breath in...hold...ouuut...I squeezed the trigger.

There was a gasp, a rustle of clothing—then a heavy thump. The first guard had just gone down.

Yes!

“What’s wrong?” the other asked, racing to his side.

He saw the dart in the man’s thigh, frowned and glanced up.

Before I could finish loading the gun for round two, he was placing a walkie-talkie at his mouth.

“Mr. K, I found—”

I fired.

His knees buckled, and he went silent.

“Found what?” Kelly demanded over the walkie-talkie.

So close! “Come on,” I said, and Jaclyn and Reeve tugged Kat to her feet.

Together, we rushed forward. We stepped on the guards, too tired to leap over them, and shoved our way past the glass doors. Frigid air enveloped us, worse because we were without coats, hats and gloves. We wore only T-shirts and jeans.

Since our captivity, the snow had continued to fall, and there were now several inches covering the sidewalk and parking lot. Kat wouldn’t last long. “Hang on,” I said, going back inside the building, meaning to take a coat from one of the guards. But pulling the garment off a deadweight proved to be too much for me. Failure!

Plop.

A cell phone had just fallen out of one of the pockets. Silver lining. I picked it up and rushed outside. With Kat tucked between us, Reeve and I angled away from the lamps in the parking lot and toward the darkness of the landscape.

A treacherous-looking hill loomed ahead. It was covered in ice, but there were also trees. We could hide there. Maybe we’d freeze to death. Maybe we wouldn’t. I didn’t care anymore, as long as we were out of Kelly’s clutches.

As we ran, I dialed Cole’s number. Or rather, I tried to. The motion—on top of my trembling—caused me to misdial. Come on, come on. You can do this. I tried again, succeeded.

He answered on the third ring, demanding harshly, “Who is this?”

“Cole,” I panted.

“Ali!”

“That’s Ali?” I heard Frosty say in the background. “Ask her about Kat.”

“Ask her about Reeve,” Bronx rushed out.

“Help us,” I interjected. “Have to...help us.”

“We are, sweetheart,” Cole said, and I heard the worry in his voice. “We are. We finally tracked your location, and we’re almost there. Hang on just a little longer.”

“Escaped building...headed for...hill. Kat, medical attention. Kelly...after us. Cold. Jaclyn...alive.”

“Faster,” he commanded whoever was driving. “We’re two minutes away, baby. Just hang on,” he repeated.

“Miss Bell,” Kelly suddenly called out, and in my panic, I dropped the phone. “I know you’re out here.”

Reeve gasped.

Jaclyn growled.

Forget the phone. I picked up the pace, soon bypassing the first line of trees. Wind gusted, and, I thought, sliced at my skin. Two minutes. I could outwit my enemy for two minutes. Actually, one minute, forty-five seconds now.

We settled Kat against the tree trunk.

I whispered, “Guard them,” to Jaclyn. To Reeve, “Keep Kat warm.”

“Where are you going?” Reeve wrapped herself around Kat, offering what heat she could. “What are you going to do?” Terror glazed her moon-darkened features.

“Let her do what needs doing, and ask questions later,” Jaclyn said, already in position, gaze scanning. She would shoot anyone who approached, without hesitation.

I squeezed Reeve’s hand and tiptoed away without another word. When I reached the edge of the forest, I pressed against another trunk, peering out at the building. Lights spilled from the windows, illuminating the area around it. Kelly stood just outside the doors, his hands on his hips, his breath misting in front of his face every time he exhaled.

Just how far would the tranq gun shoot?

Just how good was my aim?

While staying at the cabin, I’d continued my training. Nowadays, I hit more than I missed, as proven by the guards in the lobby. But just then, I was shaking so badly I couldn’t hold the gun steady.

Gotta try. I set the scalpel in front of me on a rock, just in case, and stretched out flat on my belly, my elbow beside the blade. No matter what I tried, however, my hand couldn’t be steadied.

A crunch of snow at my left. Instinct kicked in, and I had the scalpel palmed and thrown in the next second. A man fell to the ground, gasping for breath, the blade sticking out of his throat.

How many other guards were already out here?

In the distance, I heard a crash. Metal against metal. A second later, a Jeep skidded into the lot, the tires locked. The moment it stopped, Cole, Justin, Frosty and Bronx hopped out.

A second vehicle arrived, and out came Trina, Gavin, Veronica and Lucas.

A third vehicle pulled in, and out came Mr. Ankh, Mr. Holland and the rest of the slayers.

I wanted to... Was about to have... Hold it together. Just a little longer. They were here. They were here, and the girls would be saved, and all of the pain and suffering would have been worth it, and oh, glory, I was crying, the tears hazing my eyesight and freezing on my cheeks.

“Where are they?” Mr. Holland demanded.

Every slayer unsheathed a gun and aimed at Kelly.

Every guard around him unsheathed a gun and aimed at the slayers.

Kelly’s hands fisted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I do, however, know that this is private property and you were not invited. Leave, before I’m forced to take measures you won’t appreciate.”

“We know they’re here,” Cole growled. “Ali!”

“You’re surrounded,” Kelly gritted out. “Are you sure you want to go this route?”

“Are you sure that you do?” Mr. Ankh said, as calm as ever. “I’m sure a dozen dead bodies in your parking lot would be too difficult for even you to explain away or hide.”

“We want the girls,” Cole spat. “Now.”

“Here,” I called. “We’re here.”

Kelly stiffened.

Frosty and Bronx followed the echo of my voice. They reached me in seconds.

“Where’s Kat?” Frosty demanded.

“Back here,” Reeve called, and I knew she was doing her best to sound brave and unaffected.

“Jaclyn, lower the weapon,” I said.

“Jaclyn?” Justin took off in a run.

Frosty and Bronx, too. It wasn’t long before Frosty was carrying Kat, Bronx was carrying Reeve and Justin was carrying Jaclyn. I think every one of them was crying. I forced myself to stand, to inch forward, toward the slayers.

Cole kept his gun trained on Kelly, his finger twitching over the trigger. He wanted to kill the man. Like, bad. I saw it in the posture of his body. Felt it in the rage radiating from him.

“I know you hate the man and want him dead for taking Ali, but you need to go get your girl,” Gavin said, wrapping his fingers around the barrel of the gun. “Or I will.”

Cole cursed under his breath but relinquished the weapon without tapping the trigger; he rushed to my side. His gaze swept over me, and his expression hardened. He swept me up in his arms, and I could only rest my head on his shoulder.

“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he whispered, “and I’m not ever letting you go again.”

My chin trembled, a fresh round of tears threatening to fall.

“Go ahead, take them,” Kelly said, his body trembling with rage of his own. “You’ll find no evidence that they were ever here. In fact, I should call the authorities and let them know four teenage girls were sneaking around the premises.”

“Shoot him,” I said, my voice weak, strained.

Of course, no one obeyed. They’d begun to back up, heading for the cars. Well, sorry, but I couldn’t let Kelly walk away unscathed, no matter how noble he considered his cause. I had to do something. Now, while I had the chance.

With Cole’s body heat surrounding me, some of my tremors waned. So, with my last burst of energy, I lifted the tranq gun and squeezed the trigger.

A dart sank into Kelly’s cheek.

I’d aimed for his eye. Oh, well.

His knees buckled and he went down.

Some of the guards rushed to him. The others cocked their weapons, ready to retaliate. I was shoved into a car as shots rang out, Cole using his body as a shelter.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “Couldn’t resist.”

“Don’t be sorry. Ali, I don’t know what I would have done... I couldn’t stand...” His arms tightened around me, squeezing me. “You have to tell me what happened in there.”

“Not now,” I said, even the thought threatening to immobilize me. “Please.”

“Okay. All right. But soon.”

“Soon,” I promised.

* * *

The first two days back at Mr. Ankh’s, I slept, my body doing its best to recover from the abuse it had suffered—but its best wasn’t quite good enough. My strength continued to diminish. I was vaguely aware of Nana coming to see me and clutching my hand, Emma pacing beside my bed and Mr. Ankh checking my vitals.

Where was Cole?

It wasn’t until the third day that I discovered he’d been sleeping in a chair in the corner of my room the entire time. I woke up crying and couldn’t stop. I cried until my tear ducts dried from overuse, and he rushed over, gathering me in his arms, whispering the sweetest words into my ear.

I missed you so much.

I tore the world apart looking for you. I wasn’t going to stop until I had you back.

You are so special to me. I need you.

I clung to him as if he were my only lifeline.

Just then, he was.

He told me Kat and Reeve were on the mend. That he knew Reeve had been the unwitting spy, and because of her, Ethan. He’d told the slayers everything that had been going on; they were eager to see me, he said.

“How is Jaclyn?” I asked.

“She’s at home with Justin, and he says she’s healing physically but not mentally. She refuses to leave the house.”

“They were terrible to her,” I said with a shudder.

“The were terrible to you, too. To all of you. Will you tell me now?”

“Tomorrow,” I whispered, not wanting the taint of dark memories to intrude upon this moment.

Then tomorrow came. My fourth day back. Mr. Ankh and Mr. Holland strode into the room, asked for details, and I told them everything I’d learned...and suffered. Cole held me then, too, and I was glad. Though he stiffened and cursed, he remained tender with me, sifting his fingers through my hair, whispering how brave I was when I thought I’d have another breakdown, telling me how sorry he was.

The adults were pale by the time I finished.

“Well,” Mr. Ankh said, then cleared his throat. Were his eyes gleaming with tears? “I’m sorry for everything you endured, Miss Bell.”

I nodded to let him know I’d heard him.

“But I’m afraid you’re not in the clear yet,” he added. “The antizombie toxin in your blood is higher than ever. We gave you more antidote, and it helped...for a while. You burned through it so quickly I believe you’re already developing an immunity to it. You’ll be able to use it another few weeks, is my guess, but not much more than that.”

So little time.

I gulped.

When the adults left the room, Cole parted my hair and held on to the pigtails he’d created, peering into my eyes. “Kelly isn’t going to get away with this. You have my word.”

He was so beautiful. So fierce. “Cole.”

“No, don’t say anything. You’re still recovering, and I want you focused on that. I just... I want to show you something.” He rolled to his back, leaving me on my side, and lifted the hem of his T-shirt to reveal the entire expanse of his muscled chest.

His tattoos were—oh, glory.

In big, bold letters, my name had been added among his plethora of tattoos.

ALI BELL arched from one nipple to the other, the pierced one, taking up far more real estate than any other.

“Cole,” I repeated with a tremor.

“I wanted to give you more than words. I wanted to show you that you’re it for me, that there is no one else, that there will never be anyone else. I don’t care what happens. I don’t care what the visions tell us. I just want you.”

No boy had ever made such a finite gesture for me. No boy had ever looked at me like this one did, as if I were the most important part of his life. As if he couldn’t not look at me. “I love you,” I whispered, my heavy eyelids drifting closed and my mind falling into a pool of black.

I think I was smiling.

My fifth day back, Cole moved me into Reeve’s suite. With both Mr. Ankh’s and Mr. Parker’s permission, Kat had moved in as well, and the two girls had been asking for me—needing me. An unbreakable bond had formed inside that cell, one that would last as long as we lived.

The men in our lives weren’t willing to upset us, so, regardless of the danger I still presented, three twin beds now dominated the sleeping area.

But...

On the sixth day, I began to feel Z.A. stirring. She was angry. Hungry. Determined. I fought her with all that I was, doing my best to keep her on a tight leash, and it cost me. What little strength I’d won, I lost again, confining me to the bed.

Reeve recovered from the trauma first, and that was when her father pounced.

He strode into the room, sat at her bedside and held her hand. Uncaring about his audience, he said, “I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen without saying a word until I’m done.” He waited for her to nod before he continued. “I want to send you abroad. I never wanted you to know what was going on here, didn’t want you to live your life in fear and danger—”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she interjected. “And are you trying to tell me the zombie problem is isolated to this area?”

“No, it’s not,” he gritted out. “But I don’t want you around the people who fight in the war. They’re targets. Magnets. If you’re here, you’ll cave and hang out with them. Then, as you see the injuries they receive, you’ll start to fear and stop living your life.”

“I’ve seen the injuries, and I’m not afraid. I’m ready and willing to help. Those guys carry a huge burden, and I need to step up and take on my share.”

I lay on my side, and Kat, who had the middle bed, lay on hers. We peered at each other, remaining quiet, listening to the conversation over the beeps and hums of medical equipment.

“What can you do?” Mr. Ankh demanded. “You can’t see the monsters.”

“Neither can you, and yet you manage just fine.”

“I’m a doctor.”

“And I’m a healthy girl with two arms and two legs, capable of taking orders to assist the doctor tending to the slayers.”

He shook his head. “The zombies could bite you.”

“And I could be given the antidote,” she sniped. “Look, Dad. I’m going to help the cause whether I do it here or somewhere else. That’s not something you can stop. I caused the mess we’re currently in. Me. And I want to make amends. I need to make amends.”

“No, you—”

“Dad,” she insisted. “We both know the truth. I’ve been spying on everyone, trying to figure out what’s going on and why the people I love, the people who profess to love me, kept lying to me. In my quest for answers, Ethan was able to encourage me and teach me how to be a better spy. I told him everything I learned. I caused this.”

His shoulders drooped, and he scrubbed a hand down his face.

I yawned, my eyelids growing heavy.

“If you want to stay, stay,” he said softly. “If you want to help, help. But you will not go near that boy.” There at the end, his tone had hardened. “Do you understand me?”

Reeve scowled at him. “He has a name.”

“Bronx,” the doctor gritted. “You’ll not go near him.”

“Why? Why do you hate him so much?”

“I don’t hate him. I just hate the thought of you with him. He’s too...rough for you, honey. You haven’t read his file, and you don’t know his past or the trouble he’s been in, the things he’s done or the things he’ll do.”

Her smile was sad. “And I don’t care. I know the boy he is now, and that’s all that matters to me.”

“Reeve—”

“No! I’m not Mom. I didn’t understand her breakdowns before, or what they did to you, but I do now. I get it. But you don’t get to control this part of my life. And if you try to punish him and the slayers because I want to be with him, then you will lose me. I will move out. And who do you think will be there to take me in?”

I gave another yawn, this one nearly cracking my jaw. My eyelids drifted closed, and the rest of the conversation faded from my awareness.

Not over... Will try again... You’re not going to win... Z.A.’s voice filled my head, oozing past the barriers I’d managed to build.

I wanted to reply, but there was a strange fog in my head, muddying up my words.

“—still sleeping,” Kat said.

“Yes,” Cole said. “She sleeps all the time.”

I tried to open my eyes but couldn’t quite manage it.

“I’m worried about her.” Kat said. “I’ve never seen her look so...fragile.”

Were they talking about me?

“She’ll recover,” Nana said. “I’m not going to lose her.”

Nana was here, too?

If Cole replied, I missed it.

I wasn’t sure how much time passed before I felt warm fingers brush through my hair. At last the fog dissipated. I pried open my eyes as sparks of energy bloomed. Nana was gone, I realized. Kat and Reeve were asleep. Cole was next to me, his eyes closed. He absently stroked my scalp.

I smiled. I needed more of this, more of him.

I thought about the journal. The answer. Light. Fire. Clearly, he was a light to me. Just as clear, I burned for him. But there was more, something I was missing.