Текст книги "Ravenous"
Автор книги: Erika Stevens
сообщить о нарушении
Текущая страница: 3 (всего у книги 14 страниц)
I didn’t know what he was desperate for, but I sensed the full force of that desperation beneath the rolling wonder, joy, and passion that swirled rapidly between us, escalating higher and higher until I was certain that it was going to consume us both. I found I didn’t care if it did. I only wanted to ease the intense need I sensed simmering so fiercely beneath his calm facade.
Why he would need or want me, I didn’t know and I didn’t care. Not right now. I was too entangled in the wonderful sensations encompassing me to care. He pressed tighter against me. His arm encircled my waist as he lifted me against him, holding me firm. I was lost, adrift in him. I had never felt like this before, never experienced something so fantastic, and joyous, and right. And it was so very right; it was as if everything in the world, no matter how awful and horrible it was, would be ok. I had found a place to belong, a place of safety within his arms. As long as I was here, and he was here, I would survive. Wewould survive.
Then something else began to happen. Something within my mind began to unravel, opening slowly before me like a morning glory to the light of daybreak. Memories spilled forth, engulfing me as they spiraled rapidly beyond my control. Memories that I had long ago buried because that was where I preferred them. Memories of that horribleday. A day that, until this one, I had never thought could be topped as far as fear and devastation went.
I had been trapped, upside down, pinned by the twisted metal of the car. Stuck within the backseat I could do nothing more than stare at the broken body of my father in front of me. In the beginning he had been awake, he had asked about me, he had worried about me, but as time dragged on, and more blood was lost, he’d grown silent.
It had been awful, horrendous. So awful in fact that I had been too numb to cry, too engulfed by misery to fully understand what was going on. I was only nine, the most I knew of death was the small ceremonies we’d held to bury our pets in the backyard. I didn’t know much of death, but I knew the exact moment when my father left me. I knew the man I loved more than anything was not coming back to me, and I still did not cry. I had been trapped within that wreck for hours, unable to break free no matter how hard I tried before they found us.
It had taking another hour for the rescuers to free me from the car. For that hour they had draped a sheet over my father, not to protect me from seeing him, it was too late for that. They had done it because they were unable to handle the sight of his ruined body, especially in front of his oddly silent, eerily calm, and somewhat unnerving young daughter.
I didn’t cry that day, or the three that followed it. I didn’t speak either. I did not talk about what I had seen, what it had been like to be imprisoned, unable to break free, while I listened to the sound of my father’s blood dripping against the roof. I did not talk about the fact that his small moans of agony, moans that he had tried to stifle from me, haunted my every moment. I did not mention the awful silence and agony that had engulfed me when those moans had stopped. I was left with only the endlessly dripping blood, and the horrifying realization that my father was gone. I had been unable to tell him that I loved him just once more before he left me. I told no one about any of it, not even my mother, who even through her own grief and anguish was more concerned about my wellbeing, than her own.
That was the main reason I didn’t cry. I did not want her to know how badly I was hurt, how haunted and tormented I was. I wanted her to believe that I was strong, that I would be ok. I wanted her to believe that no matter what had happened she wouldn’t have to worry about me too. I was fine. I was brave. I would survive, no matter how distraught, terrified, and broken I really was.
It wasn’t until the day of the funeral that I finally cried, and thankfully my mother had not been there to see it. But Cade had.
The funeral had been over. I was still wearing the small black dress my mother had picked out for me. Abby and Aiden, also dressed in black, had not been as stoic as me throughout the ceremony. They had wept openly. It was a fact that was not missed by most people and at the reception after I was the main topic of conversation. Though they whispered, and thought they were keeping their words from me, I was not as gone as they seemed to think I was. I did not catch it all, but I caught enough to know that their hushed words, and fearful tones were not truly heartfelt, but merely more gossip for them to banter about. Was there something wrong with me? Had the accident ruined me? Had I always been a cold child? Had they somehow managed to miss my oddness until now, when it was so blatantly obvious?
I’d slipped out of the house, eager to escape the oppressive heat of the house and their phony concern. There was a large, beautiful garden to the right of the house that my mom had been forced to sell the following year. The garden had been my mother’s pride and joy, filled with flowers, strange plants, and wonderful smells. In the far back corner there had been a wooden bench tucked beneath the boughs of a giant willow. It was that bench that I made my way to.
I sat there for a long time, my hands folded before me as I watched bees buzzing lazily about, and butterflies flitting from here to there. I tried not to think about anything, struggled not to break under the weight of my mourning as it threatened to consume me. I don’t know how long I sat there before I felt the presence of someone else. I lifted my head, blinking against the bright light of the sun that had drifted lower in the sky. It took a few moments to make out the young boy that had wandered into the garden; surprise filled me as I recognized Cade.
Up until a couple of years ago Cade had been good friends with Aiden. I had always liked him. Unlike Aiden’s other friends he had never tried to push me away, never called me names, and had not found me annoying, or tried to ditch me. He’d always invited me to play with them, always been kind and gentle. He exhibited endless patience with me, even when he’d taught me how to fish and I had insisted on throwing them all back. Aiden had vehemently protested it. Cade had simply done as I’d asked without a word of complaint and an understanding smile that had melted my young heart.
Then, when I was seven and Cade was eight, his parent’s were killed in a home robbery gone wrong. Cade had been fortunate enough to be at a friend’s house when the murders occurred. He was placed into foster care after, and though he still lived in our town he had no longer lived near us. His friendship with Aiden ended abruptly after, and he’d stopped coming to our house nearly every day. He became distant and unfriendly toward us as he took to moving coldly, and methodically, through his life. At his parent’s funeral the caring friend I’d known, and loved, had ignored me when I tried to convey my sympathy over his awful loss. I’d tried to speak to him twice after that, but he’d walked right past me. Wounded and confused, I had given up trying after that.
And then, two years later, Cade with two parents gone and me with one, was suddenly standing before me again. He was taller than the last time he’d been at my house, lankier, and already becoming one of the most handsome and sought after boys in school. And yet, that was not the person standing before me in the garden. This person was different. This person was not just a mere boy, not anymore. For the first time I understood that though Cade still looked like a boy, he had long ago stopped being one. He had, in fact, become a man two years ago when his parents were so cruelly ripped away from him. Fate had seen fit to spare him, but longing and pain lingered within his surprisingly wise eyes.
For the first time I understood why Cade no longer smiled and laughed and talked and played with us anymore. For the first time I understood that though I may do those things again someday, I would never do them in the same way that I had done them just four days ago. For the first time, I understood that though Abby and Aiden had also lost a parent, they did not share what Cade and I did. They did not have to live with the burden of having been spared, when they should have died. My siblings would never wish that they had been home too, so maybe they could have done something to stop it like Cade did. They would never wish that they had been able to warn our dad about the deer sooner, before it had been too late to stop the car. They would never feel guilt over being the ones to survive, when they shouldn’t have. When weshouldn’t have. They did not share what Cade and I did, they never would. They never could, and I was immensely grateful for that fact as I would never want them to.
Cade sat beside me, silent in the fading light of what had been a beautiful early summer day. We did not speak as an hour, and then two, slipped by. The sunset lit up the sky with a myriad of beautiful colors that should have been uplifting, but somehow only made me sadder. My father would never see such a beautiful sunset again. Ishould not be here to see it, but I was.
Seeming to sense my growing distress, Cade’s long fingers slid into mine. His strong, young hand clasped upon mine, holding me tight. Something began to ease inside of me. I felt at home, I did not feel so ashamed and devastated with him beside me, holding me. For the first time in days I did not feel guilty, was not consumed by self-hatred, did not close my eyes and see the broken body of my father. The nightmares that caused me to wake, screaming soundlessly every night, did not even seem so bad at the moment. With him holding my hand I did not feel like I was going to fall apart, shattering like a dropped piece of glass if I moved the wrong way. For the first time, I almost felt a small measure of peace again.
“It’s ok to cry.” His voice was soft as the remains of the sun slipped over the horizon.
And for the first and last time, I did. I did not sob loudly, did not fall completely apart. Did not scream and rail against the heavens, or fate, as I had feared every second of the past few days I would. Instead I wept silently as all the pain and shame poured steadily from me. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me against his side. Cradling my head gently he did not tell me to stop, did not tell me that it would all be alright, did not offer me the same false words that everyone else had over the past few days. He simply held and comforted me in a way that I had never been held, or comforted, before.
It was dark before my tears finally subsided and I lay spent against him. I could feel the hard press of his ribs against my cheek; hear the hard knock of his heart. The crickets were out, an owl hooted somewhere in the distance, and though it was growing cooler neither of us moved. I needed him, needed his understanding, needed to know that I was not as hated as I felt. In those moments, I needed him more than I had ever needed anything in my life. I was not going to be the first one to pull away.
It was another hour before my front door opened and light spilled across the large front porch. People had been steadily leaving all day, but no one had noticed us under the gentle branches of the willow tree. There were still a few cars in the drive, but I knew that it was not one of their owners stepping outside now.
“Bethany! Bethy are you out here!?” I wanted to stay hidden away, wanted to remain secure in Cade’s arms all night. The last thing I wanted was to return to that house, with all of its loving memories, reminders of things lost, and enclosed spaces. “Bethany where are you!?”
It was the edge of hysteria in her voice that slowly roused me from my gentle cocoon of understanding and support. She had just lost her husband, and she was terrified that she was losing me. I hadn’t understood it at the time, but my mother had known I was standing on a thin precipice that was about to crumble from beneath me. She had feared she would lose me forever, and she hadn’t known how to stop it from happening. Only Cade had.
“Bethany!” Her voice broke, the ‘any’ part of my name came out as more of a sob then a shout.
“Here mom!” I called, unable to bear the thought of her crying again, at least not over me. Though, she had already cried plenty of times for me. “I’m right here!”
“Where?”
“The garden. I’ll be right in!”
She didn’t call for me again, but she didn’t go inside either. She stood in the doorway, waiting patiently for her wayward, broken child. Cade squeezed my hand gently; I sensed the loss that filled him, the regret and sorrow that captured him. He wrapped his hand around the back of my head. Pulling me to him, he kissed my forehead lightly, and with a note of goodbye that caused the last of my tears to fall.
“One day Bethany the nightmares will not plague you, the hurt will not be all encompassing, and you will be able to breathe again. It does get better, I can promise you that much.”
I nodded; he was the first person that had told me this that I actually believed. I put faith in his words because he knew, he understood more than anyone else could how I felt. And over time, through the therapy my mom forced me into, and because of the enduring love of my family, friends, and my own growing understanding of the world and myself, things hadgotten better. Just as he had promised they would. But back then, his promise was the only thing I had to count on in those early hours, days, and weeks. The only thing I had to cling to in order to keep some grip on the world surrounding me, in order to keep on breathing.
“Bethany!” my mom called again, impatience and worry evident in her voice.
“I have to go.” He nodded, pulled me close to him and kissing me ever so softly again but this time on the mouth. I stared at him in awe, my lips trembling as I was jolted by the impact of his warm lips upon mine. I had just received my first kiss, and it had been so wonderfully sweet and uplifting. It had been everything I had ever dreamed it would be, even on that hideously dark night. “Goodnight Cade.”
He managed a small smile; his dark eyes gleamed in the rising moonlight as he released me. My legs were shaking from his lingering effect upon me as I made my way out from under the tree. “Goodbye Bethany,” I thought I heard him whisper.
When I glanced back I could just barely make him out upon the bench, watching me as I walked to the house. Over the next few weeks I kept expecting him to reappear, I would even go to the garden and wait for him, but he never did. I would see him in school, but I was too shy to approach him after being rebuked before, and he did not approach me. Then, as time slipped by, and the normal routine of life once again took hold, I stopped waiting for him to reappear, and eventually forgot about that night.
Until now.
And now I was swarmed by the memory, the feelings, the emotions, the loss, and the peace that he had given me on that long ago night. And I was once again crying.
CHAPTER 5
“It’s ok Bethany.” I heard him whisper through the haze of shock, memories, and sorrow assaulting me. “It’s ok to cry.”
Those hauntingly familiar words wrenched a soft sob from me. I bowed my head before him as he gently caressed my cheeks. I think he knew where my mind had gone, what memories haunted me now. “You didn’t come back after that night. You didn’t come back then.”
He sighed softly, his forehead resting against mine as his hands pressed tighter to my cheeks. “I couldn’t.” I understood. My fresh agony that night had reopened his barely healed wounds. That night he had come to offer me what comfort he could, but he had been unable to handle giving me anymore. It had been too hard for him. “This time, no matter what, I will come back for you Bethany, I promise. I will always come back for you. But you must stay here, with your sister, with your mother.”
I wanted to argue with him, wanted to fight his decision, but I couldn’t. He pressed something into my hand and closed my fingers gently around it. “I locked the store when we left. If I’m not back in three hours you and Abby are going to have to get your mother back to that room. Bring enough supplies for a week. Yes Bethany, you mustdo this.” He emphasized in response to my rapid head shaking.
“I can’t. That room.”
He lifted my face and took a step closer to me. “It’s the safest place for now. You need to find something to help you get your mother over there, and you willbe ok in that room. It’s not that car Bethany.”
I recoiled from his words, shrinking before him as he struck straight at the heart of the matter. I tried to pull my face free of his grasp, angered and wounded by his words, but he refused to release me. “If they find us we will be trapped in there, cornered like rats.” I managed to stammer in my defense.
“They won’t find you.”
“You can’t know that!” I retorted sharply, struggling to hide my hurt behind my anger.
“No,” he said softly. “I can’t know that, but it is the safest place for all of you right now. I will meet you there if I can’t get back here in time.”
“Cade...”
He kissed me again, silencing my protest with his lips. I sighed against him, letting go of my hurt and anger as relief and pleasure swamped me. This was wonderful, hewas wonderful, and I never wanted it to end. But it had to. I didn’t know what any of this meant, but I did know that I couldn’t keep him here. This time I was the one that pulled away. I rested my hands over his strong ones, squeezing them tight before moving away. He had to go; I knew that, he knew that. What neither of us knew was what was going to happen if he did return, or if he didn’t. But he had to leave now, before I couldn’t let him.
“I willcome back Bethany,” he vowed
I nodded, managing a weak smile. I watched him move silently out of the room, disappearing swiftly from sight. My heart went with him. Abby moved into the doorway, her dark eyes wide and stunned as she gazed at me. “Well one thing’s for sure,” she said after a long moment of silence.
I licked my lips nervously. My body thrilled at the fact that I could still taste him upon me. Swallowing heavily, I tried to wet my parched throat. My heart thumped with terror and joy. He had to come back, he just had too. “What’s that?” I managed to croak out.
“If Bret isn’t frozen, he’s going to be pretty upset and pissed.”
My mouth parted, I inhaled sharply as shock slammed through me. It was the first time I had thought about Bret in a long time. The first time I’d thought about my wonderful, sweet, loving boyfriendwho was nothing but kind and unfailingly faithful to me. How could I possibly have forgotten about him? Guilt and horror filled me; I slumped limply to the bed. I had forgotten about Bret, but if he was still moving, I knew that he had notforgotten about me. Not even for one small second would he have forgotten about me. In fact, if he was still moving I was certain he would be arriving here as soon as he could, with his best friend, my brother.
***
Abby and I struggled to move our mother onto the piece of plywood I had uncovered from behind our decrepit shed. Originally we had wanted to transport her in our old red wagon, but there was no way for us to maneuver it safely and quietly through the woods. The plywood was four feet long and three feet across and it was difficult to get our mother onto it. I hoped that Abby would be able to hold up her end; she was strong for her size, but not used to physical work.
It was going to be a long walk back to the antique store if we didn’t have help.
Tears slid slowly down Abby’s face as she stroked our mother’s hair for a brief moment. I was captivated by the striking similarities between them. Even if our mother was gone forever (a fact I didn’t even want to consider right now), she would live on in Abby far more than she would in Aiden or I.
For as long as I could keep Abby alive, anyway, I realized with a pang of longing. Abby was my responsibility now, and I had to keep her safe, no matter what happened.
I moved to the window, slowly pulling back the curtain. It was eerily quiet out there. The street lights, on a timer, had come to life a couple hours ago. Almost all of the houses on the street were dark. A few owners had accidently forgotten to turn off lights on their way out the door this morning, or perhaps they had left them on in preparation for their return home tonight. A home that none of them appeared to have come back to. No new ones turned on, none of them turned off. If there were other people out there still moving about, they were keeping their presence’s as secret as we were.
It was so lonely, so dark and frightening out there. I shuddered, trying hard not to let my fear show to Abby. “It’s been an hour,” Abby said softly.
“He’ll come back.” I replied more for my benefit than for hers. “Stay here Abby.”
She bolted from the bed, staggering toward me. “Where are you going?”
“I need to pack some things. Just stay away from the windows.”
“Bethany…”
I left the room before she could protest further. I felt bad leaving her there, but I needed some time alone to think, and attempt to sort this whole mess out. Not like thatwas going to be possible. I made my way swiftly to the bedroom that Abby and I shared. Whereas I was a complete neat freak, Abby was the exact opposite. It was difficult to make out the mess of clothes on the floor by her bed, or avoid tripping over them. I had not seen or heard any movement for hours, but I felt as if the slightest noise would be heard all the way to the moon if I made it.
I dug out my school backpack and dumped the contents on the bed. For the first time I did not bother to place them neatly. There was no need; I did not think I would be returning either here, or to school. I quickly gathered my clothes, shoving them into the backpack along with shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, and toothbrushes. I wished that I could pack more, but I had to keep things as light as possible, especially without being able to drive anywhere. I grabbed Abby’s backpack and began to shove clothes inside for her. I knew she would want to pack her own things, and would take an excruciatingly long time to do so. I was nipping that little problem in the bud right now.
I carried both backpacks, with their meager contents, out to the hall where I placed them by the door for later. I moved swiftly downstairs, feeling my way through the dark. Creeping into the kitchen I pulled a trash bag from beneath the sink. I packed only a few perishables. We would have to eat them right away, but I wanted to bring as much food as possible and there was not much in the way of canned goods. I topped the bag off with paper plates, spoons, and forks before tossing in a can opener. From the pantry I pulled a case of water out before grabbing some Gatorade and a few sodas. In the end I put the sodas back, Abby would want them, but they would only weigh the plywood down more.
I placed the bag by the backdoor. Pressing my hand longingly against the glass, I stared out at the silent night. Thankfully the moon was not bright tonight, but the stars shone in the sky, lighting the darkness. For a brief moment I allowed myself to dream of the time before the aliens had come, a time when I had looked to the sky and wondered if there wasanything else out there.
I wished that question had never been answered.
At first they had seemed peaceful, eager to help us, happy to impart their wisdom. But after the beginning peace, and shared advances, things began to change. It started slowly, with a few rights stripped away here and there. It had been so slow in fact that we hadn’t truly noticed their losses until it had been too late. Weapons were barred, to promote peace amongst us all. The aliens claimed that they did not possess weapons, or at least not ones they were willing to show us at that time. It was obvious now that their weapons were far more twisted and deadly than anything we ever could have imagined, or possessed.
Then our cell phones were done away with. It was odd not to have the device strapped to me all the time, but the towers were taken down because the aliens claimed that they did, in fact, cause cancer and other health problems. Our government had believed them; apparently they’d had evidence of the fact. Airplanes were banned next; their danger to the alien spacecrafts, and to human life, was the explanation behind that one. We travelled in alien space craft’s when it was necessary, but it wasn’t often they allowed humans on board. It was mostly government officials, powerful businessmen, certain wealthy, and some famous people that were allowed on the smaller alien ships. The transition was eagerly accepted by some, but a growing dissent had started to move throughout.
However, it was too late to stop the rapid acceleration that was taking place. The internet was next, they did not offer a reason for this, there was no need to anymore as they methodically took everything over and shut it down. Vehicles and driving had been banned last week, and it was at this point in time that most people began to realize that we were separated from the rest of the world, cut off from the towns next to us even.
It was too late by then. We had nothing left, they had taken it all, and we had allowed them to do it. And now they had come for our lives. They were sweeping through our streets, literally sucking the life from people. I shuddered, my hand pressed tighter to the glass. I wanted Cade back; I had to know that he was ok. I wished that Aiden was here, that I knew if my brother was safe.
I needed Bret also, what I had done with Cade was awful, but I didlove Bret. He was impossible not to love. He was so open and honest and caring that there were times when I thought he was too good to be true, but he was. Times when I felt like less of a person because I knew I was not as good as he was, and that I never could be. I was withdrawn; I was adrift in the world with little idea of where I wanted to go, even before all of this had occurred, and I could be very cynical. I knew the world was a cold, cruel place that was just waiting to strike the ones we loved down. But Bret did not see it that way. He saw it as something good and wondrous, something bright and beautiful. He saw it as something to be treasured and enjoyed every day.
Bret was a true joy to me, an amazing man that I couldn’t begin to fathom, and wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to. Someone like Bret shouldn’t be figured out; he should only be enjoyed and cherished. And I didcherish him, even if his kisses didn’t cause the same heart stopping physical need, and yearning, that Cade’s did. Even if I had never felt completely understood and accepted by Bret. At least not in the same strange way that Cade seemed to understand and accept me. Bret thought I could be better; he tried in subtle and not so subtle ways to change my reserved nature. It was strange to realize that Cade seemed to accept me for me, seemed to believe that I was already stronger and more capable than I believed myself to be. He had more faith in me than anyone I had ever known before and it humbled and awed me.
An aching sadness began to fill me. If Bret was frozen then there was a good possibility that his light would be taken from this world. That would be one of the greatest losses this planet would ever know. Yet, if he wasn’t frozen, there was the distinct possibility that he would not emerge from this the same. That his inherent goodness would be tarnished by the evil threatening us now. If he knew about my feelings for Cade, and what had just passed between us, a part of him would be broken.
He trusted me completely, loved me unconditionally, and with an open honesty I hadn’t been sure I deserved even before I kissed Cade. Now I was certain that I didn’t deserve it. Bret could never know; I could neverhurt him in such a way, or allow him to be hurt so badly. I had always known I was not the wonderful person Bret believed me to be, but he didn’t need to know just how awful I really was. Not yet anyway. He would find out soon enough, if he was still moving. Bret would finally see the darkness in me; he would finally acknowledge that I was not the perfect person he thought I was. I just hoped it didn’t destroy him.
I moved away from the window. I hated the stars now, despised their mocking wonder and brilliance. The stars hadheld their own secrets, but they had been horrible secrets that they’d spewed upon us in waves of hatred and death. I wondered if the rest of the world was sharing in this horrendous experience, or if the aliens were moving slowly. Perhaps they were methodically taking over the world one town at a time until it was completely theirs. I felt that it was more than likely that it was the whole world at once. They wouldn’t want to take the chance of others finding out what was going on, and finding some way to stop them.
If there wasany way to stop them.
There was no way to know what was going on elsewhere though, no way for us to establish contact outside of this town, without leaving it. I had no idea how we would get our mother that far if it ended up just being Abigail and I. That was a problem I’d tackle if we came to it though.
Moving slowly through the kitchen, I avoided the table as I made my way back to the hall. I had just stepped out of the room when a light flashed over the back door. I froze, my heart hammering, my adrenaline pulsing rapidly through my body as I stood breathless and shaking. The light moved rapidly over the backdoor, bouncing around the room. At first I thought it was the beam from a flashlight, that either the aliens or some idiot was making their way through the woods behind our home. And then I realized that it was one of their smaller spaceships, one of the ones that I had only seen twice before. They were usually docked within the larger ships, hidden away. But when they had emerged they’d darted about with an easy grace that had been mesmerizing and stunning. The smaller ships had been purposely brought forth in order to show the government, and the people, the dexterity and speed that they possessed. They had been brought out as a way to gain trust, as a promise of brighter futures for all of us. Brighter futures that had turned out to be nothing but lies.
