Текст книги "The Reluctunt father"

Автор книги: Diana Palmer

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

Chapter 6

Meredith was awake, dressed and ready to go by eight on Saturday morning, with an hour to kill before it was time for Blake and Sarah to pick her up.

Bess, an early riser herself these days, made breakfast and smiled wickedly at her friend.

“It must feel strange to have Blake ask you out after all these years.”

“It does. But I’m not kidding myself that it’s out of any great love for me,” she said, neglecting to tell Bess that Blake’s main interest in her was sensual. All the same, just remembering the way he’d kissed her Wednesday night made her tingle from head to toe. And he’d shared secrets with her that she knew he’d never tell anyone else. That alone gave her a bit of hope. But she was afraid to trust him too much just yet. She needed time to adjust to the new Blake. She sighed. “I haven’t been on a picnic in years. And I’m looking forward to it,” she confessed with a smile, “even if he only wants me along because Sarah likes me.”

“Sarah’s a cute little girl.” Bess sighed. “Bobby and I are ready to start a family of our own, but I can’t seem to get pregnant. Oh, well, it takes time, I guess. Do you want something to eat?”

“I’m too nervous to eat,” Meredith said honestly, her eyes still soft with memories of the night before. “I hope I’m wearing the right thing.”

Bess studied her. Jeans, sneakers, a white tank top that showed off her pretty tan and emphasized her full, high breasts, and her dark hair loose around her shoulders. “You look great,” she said. “And there’s no rain in the forecast, so you should be fine.”

“I should have slept longer,” Meredith wailed. “I’ll be a nervous wreck… Oh!”

The jangling of the telephone startled her, but Bess only smiled.

“If I were a gambling woman,” Bess said as she went to answer it, “I’d bet my egg money that Blake’s as nervous and impatient as you are.” She picked the receiver up, said hello, then glanced amusedly at Meredith, whose heart was doing a marathon race in her chest. “Yes, she’s ready, Blake,” she said. “You might as well come get her before she wears out my carpet. I’ll tell her. See you.”

“How could you say that!” Meredith cried. “My best friend, and you sold me out to the enemy!”

“He isn’t the enemy, and I think Blake needs all the advantagºes he can get.” Bess’s smile faded. “He’s such a lonely man, Meredith. He was infatuated with Nina and he let himself be suckered into marriage without realizing she only wanted his money. He’s paid for that mistake enough, don’t you think?”

“There are some things you don’t know,” Meredith said.

“I’m sure there are. But if you love him in spite of those things I don’t know, then it’s foolish to risk your future out of spite and vengeance.”

Meredith smiled wearily. “I don’t have the strength for vengeance,” she replied. “I wanted to get even for a long time after I left here, but when I saw him again…” She shrugged. “It’s just like old times. I can’t talk straight or walk without trembling when he gets within a foot of me. I never should have come back. He’s going to hurt me again if I give him an opening. After what Nina did to him, he’s not going to make it easy for any woman to get close. Least of all me.”

“Give it a chance,” Bess advised. “Nothing comes to us without some kind of risk. I’ve learned a lot about compromise since Bobby and I almost split up a few years ago. I’ve learned that pride is a poor bedfellow.”

“I’m glad you two are getting along so well.”

“So am I. I went a bit bonkers over my sexy brother-in-law for a while, but Elissa came along and solved all my problems,” Bess confessed with a grin. “King Roper has a gunpowder temper, if you remember.” Meredith grinned, because she did. “I couldn’t stand up to him, but Elissa didn’t give an inch. Not that they do much fighting these days, but they had a rocky start.”

“She’s so sweet,” Meredith murmured. “I liked her the minute I met her.”

“Most people do. And King would die for her.”

Those words kept echoing in Meredith’s brain as she sat in the car, with Blake behind the wheel and Sarah chattering away in the back seat. She looked at Blake’s taut profile and tried to imagine having him care enough to die for her. It was a forlorn hope that he’d ever love her. His reserved nature and Nina’s cruelty wouldn’t let him.

He glanced at her and saw that sadness in her eyes. “What is it?” he asked.

“Nothing.” She smiled at Sarah, who was looking worried. “I’m just barely awake.”

Blake lifted an eyebrow as the powerful car ate up the miles. “That explains why you were up and dressed at eight when I said we’d be at Bess’s at nine.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she muttered.

“Neither could I,” he replied. “Sarah was too excited to stay in bed this morning,” he added, just when Meredith was breathless at the thought that the memory of the way he’d kissed her had been the reason he didn’t sleep.

“I’m so glad you came, Merry,” Sarah said, hugging her new Mr. Friend stuffed bear in the back seat. “We’ll have lots of fun! Daddy says there’s a swing!”

“Several,” he returned. “Jack’s Corner has added a new park since you were here,” he told Meredith. “It has swings and a sandbox and one of those things kids love to climb on. We can sit on a bench and watch her. Then there are plenty of tables. I thought we’d pick up something at one of the fast food stores for lunch, since Amie wasn’t around to fix a picnic basket.”

“Did she call?”

“Yes. Her sister is recovering very well, but it will be at least two weeks more before Amie comes back.”

“How are you managing?”

“Not very well,” he confessed. “I’m no cook, and there are things Amie could do for Sarah that I’m not comfortable doing.”

“Daddy won’t bathe me,” Sarah called out. “He says he doesn’t know how.”

A flush of color worked its way up Blake’s cheekbones and Meredith felt the embarrassment with him. It would be hard for a man to do such things for a daughter when he’d rarely been around a woman and never around little girls.

“I could…” Meredith hesitated at his sharp glance and then plowed ahead. “I could bathe her for you tonight. I wouldn’t mind.”

“Oh, Merry, could you?” Sarah enthused.

“If your father doesn’t mind,” she continued with a concerned glance in Blake’s direction.

“I wouldn’t mind,” he said, without taking his eyes from the road.

“And you can tell me some more stories, Merry,” Sarah said. “I specially like ‘The Ugly Ducking.’”

“Duckling,” Blake corrected, and he smiled faintly at his child. “I guess that story fits both of us, sprout.”

“Neither of you,” Meredith interrupted. “You both have character and stubborn wills. That’s worth a lot more than beauty.”

“Daddy has a scar,” Sarah piped up.

Meredith smiled at the child. “A mark of courage,” she corrected. “And your father was always handsome enough that it didn’t matter.”

Blake felt his chest grow two sizes. His gaze darted to Meredith’s face and he searched her eyes long and intently. As she was feeling the effect of that glance, he forced his eyes back to the road barely in time to avoid running the car into a ditch.

“Sorry,” Meredith murmured with a grimace.

“No need.” He turned the car down the street that led to the city park and pulled it into a vacant parking space.

“It’s beautiful,” Meredith said, looking at the expanse of wooded land with a children’s playground and a gazebo. There was even a fountain. At this time of the day, though, the area was fairly deserted. Dew was still on the grass, and as they walked to the benches overlooking the playground, Meredith laughed as her sneakers quickly became soaked.

“Your feet are getting wet,” Sarah said, laughing, too. “But I have my cowgirl boots on!”

“I think I can spare your feet,” Blake murmured.

Before she realized what he intended, Blake bent and whipped Meredith off the ground, carrying her close to his chest without any sign of strain.

“Gosh, you’re strong, Daddy,” Sarah remarked.

“He always was,” Meredith said involuntarily, and her eyes looked up into Blake’s, full of memories, full of helpless vulnerability.

His arms contracted a fraction, but he didn’t look at her. He didn’t dare. He could already feel the effect that rapt stare had on his body. If he gazed at Meredith’s soft, yielding face, he would start kissing her despite the small audience of one watching them so closely.

He put her down on the sidewalk without a word and moved to the bench to sit down, leaning back and crossing one booted foot over his jeans-clad knee. “Well, sit down,” he said impatiently. “Sarah, play while you can. This place probably fills up in an hour or so.”

“Yes, Daddy!” Sarah said and she ran for the swings. Meredith sat down beside Blake, still glowing and warm from the feel of his arms and savoring the warm, cologne-scented fragrance of his lean body. “She’s already a different child,” she commented, watching Sarah laugh as she pumped her little legs to make the swing go higher.

“She’s less wild,” Blake agreed. He took off his hat and put it next to him on the bench, pausing to run his hand through his thick black hair. “But she isn’t quite secure yet. The nightmares haven’t stopped completely. And I’ve had less time to spend with her lately. Business goes on. A lot of jobs depend on the decisions I make. I can’t throw up my hands and stay home every day.”

“Sarah likes Amie, doesn’t she?” Meredith asked.

“Amie won’t be here for several weeks, Meredith,” he said impatiently. “That’s what I’m worried about. Monday morning I’ve got a board meeting. What do I do with Sarah, take her along?”

“I see your problem.” Meredith sighed, fingering the face of her watch. “Well…I could keep her for you.”

He didn’t dare let himself react to that offer, even if it was the second time in a day that she’d volunteered to spend time with Sarah. It wouldn’t do to get his hopes up too high.

“Could you?” he asked, and turned his head so that his green eyes pinned her gray ones.

“All I have to do is the autographing,” she said. “And that’s next Saturday. The rest of my time is vacation.”

“You’d need to be at the house,” he said with apparent unconcern. He pursed his lips, watching Sarah. “And considering how late I get home some nights, it’s hardly worth rousing Bobby and Bess to let you in just for a few hours. Is it?”

She colored. “Blake, I don’t care if this is the nineteen eighties, I can’t move into your house….”

He glanced at her and saw the rose-red blush. “I won’t seduce you. I told you that Wednesday, and I meant it.”

The blush deepened. She averted her gaze to Sarah and her heart shook her with its mad beat. “I know you won’t go back on your word, Blake,” she whispered. “But it’s what people would think.”

“And you’re a famous author,” he said, his eyes narrowing. “God forbid that I should tarnish your reputation.”

“Don’t start on me.” She sighed miserably and got up. “This isn’t a good idea. I shouldn’t have come…!”

He got up, too, and caught her by the waist, holding her in front of him. “I’m sorry,” he bit off. “I’ve never given a damn what people thought, but I guess when you aren’t looked down on to begin with, reputations matter.”

She looked up at him with soft, compassionate eyes. “I never looked down on you.”

His jaw clenched. “Don’t you think I know that now?” he asked huskily. He pulled her hand to his chest and smoothed over the neat pink nails, his eyes on her long fingers. “You were always defending me.”

“And you hated it,” she recalled with a sad smile. “I always seemed to make you mad—”

“I told you,” he interrupted. “I wanted you, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I knew it was impossible to seduce you, and I’d given my word that I was going to marry Nina.” His shoulders lifted and fell. “It wasn’t conscious, but afterward when I thought about what I did to you that day, I thought maybe it would be easier for you if I made you hate me.” He looked up into her gray eyes with quiet sincerity.

Her face felt hot. She searched his hard expression for a long moment. “I suppose in a way it was,” she said finally. “But it undermined my confidence. I couldn’t believe any man would want me.”

“Which worked to my advantage,” he whispered, smiling faintly. “Because you weren’t tempted to experiment with anyone else.” The smile faded. “You’re still a virgin. And your first man, Meredith, is going to be me.”

Her heart stopped and then ran wild. “That’s the most chauvinistic—”

He stopped her by simply lowering his head until his lips were almost touching hers. She could taste his coffee-flavored breath and the intimacy of it made her knees feel rubbery. “I am chauvinistic,” he whispered. “And possessive. And hard as nails. I can’t help those traits. Life hasn’t been kind to me. Not until just recently.”

His hands were on her shoulders, holding her in place, and his eyes were on her mouth in a way that made her breath rustle in her throat.

“Sa-Sarah Jane…” she stammered.

“Is facing the opposite direction and doesn’t have eyes in the back of her head,” he murmured. “So just give me your mouth without a struggle, little one, and I’ll show you how gentle I can be when I try.”

He felt her mouth accept his with the first touch, felt her body give when he drew her against his hard chest. She sighed into his mouth, and his brows drew together tightly over his closed eyes with the sheer pleasure of holding her.

She reached up under his arms to hold him and her body melted without a vestige of fear. Even when she felt the inevitable effect of her closeness on his powerful body, she didn’t flinch or try to move away. He was her heart. Despite the pain and the anguish of years ago, he was all she knew or wanted of love.

His hands smoothed her hair as his hard mouth moved slowly on hers. She’d dreamed of this for so many years, dreamed of his mouth taking hers with exquisite tenderness, giving as much as he took. But the dreams paled beside the sweet reality. Her nails scraped against his back, loving the way the muscles rippled under her fingers.

His mouth lifted a fraction of an inch, and his breath was audible. “Who taught you to do that?” he whispered huskily.

“Nobody. I…guess it comes naturally,” she whispered back.

His hands slid up her back to her hair and tangled gently in it. “Your mouth is very soft,” he said unsteadily. “And it tastes of coffee and mint.”

“I had Irish mocha mint coffee,” she said.

“Did you?” He searched her eyes slowly. “Your legs are trembling,” he remarked.

She laughed nervously. “I’m not surprised,” she confessed. “My knees are wobbly.”

He smiled, and the smile echoed in his eyes. “Are they?”

“Daddy, watch how high I can go!” a small voice called out.

Blake reluctantly loosened his hold on Meredith. “I’m watching,” he called back.

Sarah Jane was swinging high and laughing. “I can almost touch the sky!” she said.

“Funny, so can I,” Blake murmured. He glanced at Meredith, and he wasn’t smiling.

She looked back, her heart threatening to burst. He took her hand in his, threading his fingers through hers so that he had them pressed in an almost intimate hold.

“To hell with your reputation,” he said huskily. “Move in with us for a couple of weeks. Nobody will know except Bess and Bobby, and they’re not judgmental.”

She wanted to. Her worried eyes searched his. “Your company is an old and very conservative one. Your board of directors wouldn’t like it at all.”

“My board of directors doesn’t dictate my private life,” he replied. “We could sit close on the couch and watch television at night with Sarah. We could have breakfast together in the kitchen. If Sarah had nightmares, she could climb in with you. You could read her stories and I could listen.” He smiled crookedly. “I don’t remember anybody ever reading me a story, Meredith,” he added. “My uncle wasn’t the type. I grew up in a world without fairy tales and happy endings. Maybe that’s why I’m so bitter. I don’t want Sarah to end up like me.”

“Don’t run yourself down,” she said softly. Her eyes searched over his face warmly. “I think you turned out pretty well.”

He touched her hair with a big, lean hand. “I never meant to be as cruel to you as I was.” He sighed wearily. “And I guess if it hadn’t been for Sarah, you wouldn’t have come near me again, would you?” he asked.

She lowered her eyes to his chest. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I was still bitter, and a little afraid of you when I came back. But when I saw you with Sarah…” Her eyes lifted. “You might not realize it, but you’re different when she’s around. She takes some of the rough edges off you.”

“She’s pretty special. No thanks to Nina,” he added curtly. “God knows why she kept the child when she so obviously didn’t want her.”

“Maybe her husband did.”

“If he did, he sure changed his tune when he found out she was mine. He turned his back on her completely. I’m damned if I could have done that to a child,” he said coldly. “Whether or not we shared the same blood, there are bonds equally strong.”

“Not everyone has a sense of honor,” Meredith reminded him. “Your sense of honor was always one of your strongest traits.”

“It still is.” He sat down on the bench again, tugging her down beside him and drawing her closer while Sarah stopped the swing and ran to the sandbox. “She’ll carry half that sand home with us,” he murmured ruefully.

“Sand brushes off,” Meredith reminded him.

He smiled. “So it does.” He leaned back and his hand contracted on her shoulder. “She’s crazy about you.”

“I like her, too. She’s a wonderful little girl.”

“I hope you’ll still think so after she’s treated you to one of her tantrums.”

“Most children have those,” she reminded him. She leaned back against his arm and looked up at him. Impulsively she reached up and touched the white line of scar tissue on his face, noticing the way he flinched and grabbed her hand. “It’s not unsightly,” she said softly, and she smiled. “I told Sarah it was a mark of courage, and it is. You got it because of me. It was my fault.”

His fingers curled around hers and pressed before he led them back to the scar and let her touch it. “Saving you from a wild bronc,” he recalled, smiling because it was a lot like what had happened to Sarah in the corral. “You weren’t after a lacy white handkerchief. Instead it was a kitten that had run into the corral. I got to you in the nick of time, but I ran face first into a piece of tin on the way out.”

“You used words I’d never heard before or since,” she murmured sheepishly. “And I deserved every one of them. But you let me patch you up, anyway. That was sweet,” she said unthinkingly, and then lowered her eyes.

“‘Sweet.’” His hard lips pursed as he studied her face. “You’ll never know what I felt. The atmosphere was electric that day. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to glare at you. It kept me from doing what I really wanted to do.”

“Which was?” she asked, curious, because she remembered too well the cold fury in his face and voice as she’d doctored him.

“I wanted to pull you into my lap and kiss the breath out of you,” he said huskily. “You were wearing a cotton blouse with nothing, not a damned thing, under it. I could see the outline of your breasts under the blouse and I wanted to touch them so badly that I shook with longing. It wasn’t more than a day later that I did just that, in the stable. You didn’t know,” he guessed, watching the expressions play across her face.

“No,” she admitted breathlessly. “I had no idea. Of course, I was shaking a little myself, and trying so hard to hide my reaction from you that I didn’t notice what you might be feeling.”

“I lay awake all night, remembering the way you looked and sounded and smelled.” He glanced at Sarah, watching her make a pointed castle in the sand and stack twigs around it for doors and windows. “I woke up aching. And then, days later, they read the will, and I went wild. Nina was clinging to me, I was confused about what I felt for you and for her.” He shrugged. “I went crazy. That’s why I said such cruel things to you. I wanted you so badly. When I saw you later, I couldn’t resist one last chance to hold you, to taste you. So I kissed you. It took every last ounce of willpower I had to pull back.”

“I really hated you for that,” she said, remembering. “I knew you were getting even for the will, for what your uncle tried to do. I never realized that you really wanted me.” She smiled self-consciously.

His lips twisted. “Do you think a man can fake desire?” he asked with a level stare.

She flushed and avoided his gaze. “No.”

“At least I know now that I’m still capable of feeling it,” he said heavily, his eyes going again to Sarah. “It’s been a long dry spell. I couldn’t bear the thought of having some other woman cut up my pride the way Nina did. And no one knows better than I do that I’m not much good in bed.”

“I think that depends on who you’re in bed with,” she said, staring at his shirt. “When two people care about each other, it’s supposed to be magic, even if neither of them has any experience.”

“It wasn’t magic for us, and we both fit into that category the day the will was read,” he murmured softly.

“That’s true. But I fought you. I didn’t understand what was happening,” she confessed.

He studied her down-bent head. “Do you think it might be different now that we’ve both had five years to mature?”

“I don’t know,” she said.

His lean hand touched her hair hesitantly and trailed down her cheek to her soft mouth. “I haven’t learned a lot,” he said, his voice quiet and deep. He drew in a slow breath. “And you knock me off balance pretty bad. I might frighten you if things got out of hand.”

He sounded as if the thought tormented him. She lifted her eyes and looked up at him. “Oh, no,” she said softly. “You wouldn’t hurt me.”

His heart stampeded in his chest when she looked at him that way. “Would you go that far with me?” he whispered.

She couldn’t sustain that piercing green-eyed gaze. Her eyes fell to his hard mouth. “Don’t ask me, Blake,” she pleaded. “I would, but I’d hate both of us. All those years of strict upbringing don’t just go away because we want them to. I’m not made for a permissive life. Not even with you.”

She made it sound as if he were the exception to the rule, and he felt a sting of pure unadulterated masculine pride at her words. She wanted to. He smiled slowly. That made things a little easier. Of course, the walls were all still up. The smile faded when he realized that those scruples of hers were going to stop him, because his own conscience and sense of honor wouldn’t let him seduce her. Not even if she wanted him to.

“I guess I’m not either, if you want the truth.” He sighed. “You and I are a dying breed, honey.”

She heard the endearment with a sense of awe. It was the first time he’d used one with her, the very first time. She was aware of a new warmth deep inside her as she savored it in her mind.

“Daddy, look at my sand castle!” Sarah Jane called. “Isn’t it pretty? But I’m hungry. And I want to go to the bathroom.”

Blake smiled involuntarily. “Okay, sprout. Come on.” He moved slightly away from Meredith. “She doesn’t settle for long. Her mind is like a grasshopper.”

“I think it’s the age.” Meredith smiled. She knelt and held out her arms for Sarah to run into, and she lifted the child, hugging her close. “You smell nice,” she said. “What do you have on?”

“It’s Daddy’s,” Sarah said, and Blake’s eyebrows shot up. “It was on his table and I got me some. Isn’t it nice? Daddy always smells good.”

“Yes, he does.” Meredith was fighting a losing battle with the giggles. She looked at Blake’s astounded face and burst out laughing.

“So that’s where it went,” he murmured, sniffing Sarah and wrinkling his nose. “Sprout, that stuff’s for me. It’s not for little girls.”

“I want to be like you, Daddy,” Sarah said simply, and there was the sweetest, warmest light in her green yees.

Blake smiled at her fully for the first time, his white teeth flashing against his dark tan. “Well, well. I guess I’ll have to teach you how to ride and rope, then.”

“Oh, yes!” Sarah agreed. “I can ride a horse now. And I can rope anything. Can’t I, Merry?”

Meredith almost agreed, but Blake’s eyes were making veiled threats.

“You’d better wait a bit, until your daddy can teach you properly,” Meredith said carefully, and Blake nodded in approval.

“I hate to wait,” Sarah muttered.

“Don’t we all,” Blake murmured, but he didn’t look at Meredith as he started toward the car. “Let’s find someplace that sells food.”

They found a small convenience store with rest rooms just a little way down the road, where they bought coffee and soft drinks and the fixings for sandwiches, along with pickles and chips. Blake drove them back to the park, which was beginning to fill up.

“I know a better place than this,” he remarked. “Sarah, how would you like to wade in the river?”

“Oh, boy!” she exclaimed.

He smiled at Meredith, who smiled back. “Then let’s go. We’re between the Canadian and the North Canadian rivers. Take your pick.”

“The North Canadian, then,” Meredith said.

He turned the car and shot off in the opposite direction, while Sarah Jane asked a hundred questions about Oklahoma, the rivers, the Indians and why the sky was blue.

Meredith just sat quietly beside Blake as he drove, admiring his lean hands on the wheel, the ease with which he maneuvered through Jack’s Corner and out onto the plains. He didn’t try to talk while he drove, which was good, because Sarah wouldn’t have let him get a word in edgewise, anyway.

Sarah’s chatter gave Meredith a breathing space and she used it to worry over Blake’s unexpected proposal. He wanted her to move in with him and Sarah, and she was more tempted than he knew. She had to keep reminding herself that she had a lot to lose—and it was more than just a question of her reputation and his. It was a question of her own will and whether she could trust herself to say no to Blake if he decided to turn on the heat.

He wasn’t a terribly experienced man, but that wouldn’t matter if he started kissing her. She still loved him. If he wanted her, she wasn’t sure that all her scruples would keep her out of his bed.

And being the old-fashioned man he was, she didn’t know what would happen if she gave in. He’d probably feel obliged to offer to marry her. That would ruin everything. She didn’t want a marriage based on obligation. If he grew to care about her, and wanted her for his own sake and not Sarah’s…

She forced her mind back to the present. It didn’t do to anticipate fate. Regardless of how she felt, it was Blake’s feelings that mattered now. He had to want more than just her body before she could feel comfortable about the future.