Текст книги "Sweet the Sin "

Автор книги: Claire Kent

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

Chapter 10

Kelly almost told him the truth. The whole truth. Everything.

She almost stood there in the bedroom and blurted it all out.

She’d never been so out of control in her life, enraged in a way she’d never experienced before. It was so unexpected, so out of the blue, and Caleb seemed so unrestrained—nothing but passion and fierce feeling. She couldn’t play her part. She couldn’t make up a convincing story or tell a believable lie.

She didn’t even want to. She wanted to be real—as real as she could sense Caleb himself was being right now.

But she’d come too far to throw away everything for no good reason, and a tiny thread of sanity held back the deepest part of the truth.

So her answer was true. Absolutely true. But modified slightly from what had originally started to come out.

“To be different,” she burst out. “To be better. And I know you never will be.”

She tried to pull away from him, her heart too exposed even by the altered response, but he wouldn’t let her. His grasp was no longer painful, but it was unbreakable.

So she gave up, slumping against his chest, feeling completely exhausted, completely defeated. She whispered, “I can’t fall for you, Caleb. I just can’t.”

His grip on her arms loosened, and he wrapped his arms around her. He was hard—so hard against her—and shuddering with a tension that felt more emotional than physical.

He was aroused. She could feel it against her. But he was more than that. The tension was also emotion. Emotion. Which she’d never felt in him like this before.

“Why can’t you fall for me, Kelly?” he asked, very softly, holding her so tightly she momentarily couldn’t breathe. “What’s so horrifying about that?”

And that was the pivotal question, the pivotal moment. If she ever wanted to continue her plan, or even get out of this room, she would need to give him a believable answer.

Her mind was blank, though. She couldn’t think of anything. She could only feel the protective fervor of his embrace, the vulnerability in his voice that she felt sure no one else had ever heard. She could only feel a pulsing of desire—both physical and more than that—as her body reflected back his own urgent arousal. As if, even in body, they’d always been two pieces of one whole.

She was about to give it up. Give everything up because it was so much easier than trying to hold her crumbling world together.

But she could still see her father’s body, blood soaking into the dirt with the brain matter and bone fragments and hair.

He had been killed—unjustly, without reason—and it couldn’t be for nothing. If she didn’t see this through, then maybe she hadn’t really loved him at all.

She heard herself saying, “Because I can’t fall for a guy like you again.”

She hadn’t planned the words out—they’d just come to her in some sort of flash of inspiration—but they were absolutely perfect. They answered everything.

She could feel the understanding as it eased through Caleb’s body, relaxing some of the unbearable tension. “Kelly.”

Burying her face in his shirt, she mumbled, “I can’t do it again.”

After a moment, he seemed to have controlled whatever he was feeling, and he loosened his arms slightly and lifted her head so he could see her face. “I’m not like him, Kelly. I’m not like that bastard.”

The bastard might be fictional, but everything about this conversation was real. Because Caleb was like him—at least in some ways. He could be a dangerous, ruthless bastard too.

“I know,” she said hoarsely, trying to pull herself together. “I know you’re not.”

“But you really think I am. You think I’m that kind of a monster.” It sounded like the idea really bothered him.

“Are you saying you didn’t ask your security to report on my activities? Are you saying you don’t try to control everyone around you? Are you saying you haven’t crossed lines, taken certain shortcuts, even when it meant hurting other people? Are you saying you didn’t extort some poor father by threatening his daughter’s scholarship, just to get a signature on a contract? Are you saying you haven’t done other things you can never admit to, that you hide away in the dark?” Her words got more and more passionate as the questions got increasingly closer to the deepest truth.

Caleb’s face twisted. “Yes. I’ve done all of those things. I’m not a good man. You must have known that from the beginning. But I’m not like him. I’m not. There’s more in me than that. I can change the things you need me to change.” He reached to take her head in both of his hands, holding it like it was precious. “I’m not like him, Kelly, blossom. I promise I’m not. I want to be with you for real. I want to be with you completely. I’m falling for you too.”

Her heart came alive at the words. She wanted so much to hear them said. She swayed toward him.

He leaned down, like he would kiss her, his face full of feeling and passion and a genuine need she’d never seen there before.

But then he pulled back, a question reflected in his eyes. “So, who was the guy you met this afternoon, and why were you sneaking around to meet him?”

This was Caleb Marshall, and even if he had real feelings, he would never be anyone’s fool.

She cleared her throat and stepped back, wiping a stray tear from her eyes. “He’s a private investigator.”

She didn’t have much time to think it through, but it would be better to tell him the truth. If he somehow found out Jack’s identity on his own, she didn’t want to be caught in such a little lie.

“Why are you working with an investigator?”

“He was helping me with—with my problem.”

Caleb’s face relaxed.

“Did he have any information for you?”

“Not enough to act on.”

“If you wanted a professional investigator, then why didn’t you just ask me? I could have—”

For some reason, his characteristic tone—intelligent, impatient, slightly arrogant—made her so mad her teeth almost snapped. She forgot about strategy and interrupted, “It doesn’t matter what you could have done. This is my thing, and I was dealing with it on my own.”

He frowned in surprise and annoyance. “I don’t care if it’s your thing. You know perfectly well why I want to help, and it’s just silly not to let me—”

“I don’t care if it’s silly or not. If I want your help, I’ll ask for it.”

“Okay then,” he said in a cool, clipped tone. “So why did you have to sneak off to meet with the guy.”

“Because I know how you are. Because I knew you’d do exactly this.”

“Do what exactly?” He was walking toward her as she was backing away, until her back connected to the wall next to the dresser.

“Do this! Be all Caleb Marshall, the boss of everyone. Act like you deserve answers. I don’t care if there are some feelings between us. We’re not in a committed relationship here, and I don’t owe you anything.”

He was angry again now—but coolly so, totally in control. His eyes narrowed as he leaned into her. “What you do or don’t owe me is irrelevant. You’ve got to be crazy if you think I’m just going to let you walk out of here, especially if you’re in danger.”

“Well, you’re going to have to. Because I’m not willing to surrender everything to you yet.”

He leaned even closer, his eyes hot and cool at the same time, utterly mesmerizing. “What if I want you to surrender everything to me?”

“Then you can deal with disappointment.” This argument felt every bit as real as the previous one, even though they were both now more controlled than they’d been before. She was flashing with very real anger as she said, “I’m tired of it. I don’t want to surrender anything more to you.”

His eyes seemed to see all the way into her soul, far deeper than he could ever be allowed. He leaned into her. “I’m not sure that’s true.”

“What?” She was trembling again, for a different reason now.

“I think you want to surrender more to me. You’re just scared.”

She opened her mouth to argue, but the words stuck in her throat. Because he was right. He was brutally right.

“That’s what I thought,” he murmured thickly, stroking her hot cheek with his knuckles. “Tell me the truth.”

“I’m not going to tell you the truth.” But her defenses were already weakened.

He leaned down even more to claim her mouth, starting gently, as gently as his voice, but soon growing deep and urgent when she softened against him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

She couldn’t help it. She wanted him—all of him—so much.

Caleb tore his mouth away—stared at her hotly, tenderly. “I want all of you, Kelly, blossom. I want you to surrender it all.”

“I—can’t.”

His hand fisted in her loose hair. “Yes, you can. I won’t let you down.” He caught her mouth again, stroking and dipping deeply, claiming all of her.

Kelly sucked in air through her nose and tried to think, telling herself she needed to pull away now or she would completely betray herself. But she couldn’t. Erotic sensations shot down from the kiss as Caleb took her upper lip between his teeth—tugging, nibbling, caressing it with his tongue.

She whimpered against his lips.

As she tried to suck his tongue into her mouth, her hands fumbled up to his head, and she tangled her fingers into his thick hair. She felt his hard, urgent body pushing against hers, felt his hardening arousal against her middle.

He pulled away from her lips, just far enough to speak. “This is what you want, isn’t it?” His face was damp and sincere and as handsome as any man’s she’d ever seen.

“Yes,” she gasped, her body straining toward his, her heart straining toward his too. “I want it. I want you.”

“I want you too. You know how much. Why do you keep holding back?”

He grabbed her in his arms and tilted her backward a little, pressing a few kisses into her lips, and then mouthing his way down her neck. He settled on a spot just above her neckline. Sucked on it until she gasped.

It wasn’t just her body responding. Her heart wanted it too. It wanted him.

Then, as if prompted by her private thought, he gathered her up in his arms and carried her over to the bed. He laid her down and moved over her, his eyes searching her face. “Don’t hold back anymore,” he said. “Just tell me the truth.”

Kelly bit her lip as he lowered his face to her neck, terrified of what she might say if she were to let go as she wanted.

He reached her breast and teased the nipple through the fabric of her top. “Tell me, Kelly.”

“God,” she gasped, pressing her chest up toward his mouth, so overwhelmed with sensation and emotion she couldn’t lie still. “I want you so much.”

He gently pulled her top up over her head, and she raised her body to let him. “What else do you want?”

He was cupping her breasts, fondling her nipples with both thumbs, and she couldn’t seem to look away from his face. She forced her eyes to close, trying to hold on to who she was, who she’d always been, what she’d always believed about the world.

“Stop holding back,” he murmured, his voice like rough velvet against her heart. “Surrender, Kelly. I want you to surrender it all. What else do you want?”

She suddenly realized she was clutching his shoulders, gripping the strong, warm substance of who he was. “I want more,” she admitted, unable not to say it. “I want all of you.”

He made a low sound in his throat and moved down to kiss her breasts again, taking off her bra as he did. “Yes,” he murmured over her skin. “Say it again.”

He was all hot tension—something far deeper than lust. He felt real to her and needy and fully, completely here with her.

The bitterest kind of irony. That Caleb was trying to be human for the first time in years—with the woman who was supposed to destroy him.

She couldn’t think through that reality, though. All she could do was feel. “I want all of you,” she gasped, letting her heels drop to the floor as the ripples of pleasure spiraled out from his touch.

He released another low groan and slowly slid her skirt down over her hips and legs, until she was naked except for her underwear. His gaze devoured her, and she wanted it. She wanted the hot possession in his gaze, the awe, the tenderness—all mingled together in the way he looked at her now. “You don’t have to be afraid,” he murmured. “You can surrender it all to me.”

She couldn’t. And yet she couldn’t help it. She tangled her fingers in his hair as he kissed his way down her belly.

Adjusting his body lower on the bed, Caleb spread her legs open a little bit. “All of it,” he said again. He lifted one of her legs and started trailing kisses down the sensitive inside of one of her calves.

Making a choked sound, Kelly suddenly realized what he wanted to do. “Caleb?” Her heart started to pound erratically, even as her pussy tightened in excitement.

His eyes were focused on her face, as his head descended toward her thighs. When his mouth had passed her knees, the fear intensified, what it would mean if she let him follow through with the promise on his face. “Caleb, I don’t know.”

He raised his head to meet her eyes. “You can trust me, blossom. You can surrender. I’m not going to let you down. Let me prove it to you.”

She didn’t want him to prove it. She was so afraid of what would happen once he had. But she also desperately needed what he was offering her. And the impossible clash between the two feelings seemed to embody the whole of who she was.

“I’m more than the man you think I am,” Caleb said after a moment. “Let me show you.”

He wasn’t touching her now, wasn’t seducing her into changing her mind. If he had been, she could have resisted—in heart, if not in body. He was waiting for her, asking a real question, for the moment, completely vulnerable.

And it broke down the last of her defenses.

She nodded, tried to speak over the lump in her throat. “Show me.”

Caleb moved up to kiss her mouth—slowly and deeply—and his hand slid down between her thighs.

When he finally pulled out of the kiss, he met her eyes and said, “I don’t want you to hold anything of yourself back anymore.”

He kissed her again, and then moved down over her throat and to her breasts, flicked his tongue over her nipple.

Kelly exhaled deeply and tried to relax. He was slow and gentle—unusually so—and soon her body was reacting the way it always did when she let herself enjoy his touch.

He hadn’t tried to move lower than her belly button, so Kelly didn’t tense up when he mouthed her shuddering belly, his hands fondling her breasts as she arched up into his caress. She was deeply aroused, and overwhelmed by far more than the physical sensations.

Caleb’s lips trailed even lower, until they were brushing against the delicate skin just above the trimmed strip of hair between her thighs. He glanced up, giving her a questioning look.

She nodded mutely, her throat too constricted to speak.

He nudged her thighs open a little wider, and Kelly bent her legs and drew them up toward her body to give him better access. She felt oddly vulnerable in this position, which was ridiculous. Countless men had seen her pussy over the years, most of them strangers and none of them trying to please her as Caleb was now.

She stretched her arms out beside her and clutched again at the duvet, staring down at Caleb’s head between her legs.

He kissed the skin of her inner thigh, making her shiver. Next, he stroked her belly in a firm, warm massage. He shifted on the mattress, and licked a light trail along the inside of her other thigh.

His eyes were still on her face, even as he was pressing a wet kiss on the crease where her thigh met her pelvis. He seemed to be breathing deeply, and she saw something ignite in his eyes.

She had to look away. Didn’t want to think about what that might mean—that he’d picked up on her arousal.

“Tell me you want me this way,” he said.

“I do. Caleb, I do.”

He started nuzzling her gently.

Kelly gasped at the first contact, but kept her thighs open for him. She breathed as deeply as she could, and forced her mind away from who was doing this to her. She gasped again when Caleb licked a line along her warm flesh, and then held her open with his fingers. He dipped his tongue quickly into her channel. Discovering the moisture pooled there, he flicked up a little higher, finding her clit, and jostling it a few times with his tongue.

At the direct stimulation, Kelly felt a jolt of urgent pleasure shoot through her. Her back arched up off the bed dramatically, and she cried out with an incoherent sound.

Caleb turned his head to the side and mouthed her inner thigh again. Moved his hand back up to rub her lower stomach. “Don’t fight it,” he murmured. “Just let go.”

He nuzzled her again until he’d parted her open once more. Licked a long line along her aroused flesh before returning to her entrance. This time, he spent more time sliding his tongue inside her. Fluttering it. Curling it.

The sensations were unlike anything Kelly had ever experienced before, and the ache of arousal immediately deepened, causing her to clutch even more desperately at the covers. She wanted to squirm her hips, wanted to buck up into his mouth to get more intense stimulation. But she held herself still and tried to accept the growing pleasure.

She was panting loudly now, and occasionally making silly moans or whimpers. And she couldn’t seem to keep track of the movements of Caleb’s lips and tongue—which is why it surprised her when he suddenly flicked his tongue over her swollen clit again.

Her body jerked spasmodically, and she cried out. His fingers were holding her open and stretching out her moist flesh, intensifying the feelings even more. He nudged at her clit again. This time, as she cried out, her pelvis bucked up uncontrollably.

Kelly’s arms flew up until she was gripping the top of the pillow beneath her, her elbows bent on either side of her head. Her body was screaming for this now, shamelessly rocking beneath him in an attempt to find a satisfying rhythm. Her mind was a chaotic whirl of fear and pleasure and need and something else that was still making her gut clench. “It’s good,” she mumbled, tossing her head restlessly. “I want you so much.”

His mouth never stopped working, and Kelly started whimpering in growing need.

She needed the release that she was mounting toward, but she didn’t know how to just lie there and accept it. She also needed to be doing something, acting, making this happen. No one had ever given anything to her without taking back.

Her hands were fumbling around now, above her head, on the headboard, on the duvet beside her, on her own breasts. And her whimpers had turned into frantic, wordless pleas. She hooked one leg over Caleb’s shoulder and grabbed her other knee and pulled it farther back.

He lowered his face once again. She was holding her thighs wide apart, so she was utterly exposed to him. He returned the fingers of one hand to hold her open, and then he moved the other hand even lower to slide two fingers inside her.

Kelly choked on a cry of pleasure, feeling her orgasm starting to take shape as he fucked her with his fingers. Her head was tossing wildly, but she couldn’t seem to keep it still.

She felt Caleb’s tongue on her clit again, the jostling combining with his fingers thrusting inside her. It felt like her head was exploding, like she wasn’t capable of handling this.

She couldn’t do anything, could only just take it. Accept it. Feel it.

And then he started to suck.

She choked on a wordless sound, half sob, half scream, and there was no way she could force it back. And then she was coming. It was swallowing her. She arched off the bed one more time, her mouth open wide in a silent scream of completion. Her inner muscles were clenching around Caleb’s fingers, and then her entire body was convulsing as she rode out the lingering spasms.

She was still gasping when he lifted up and moved higher up her body, claiming her mouth in a hard kiss.

She kissed him back, tasting herself, nothing held back, and she fumbled with his trousers so she could feel him more, harder, even deeper.

Their embrace had suddenly become so urgent that they almost forgot the condom, but he remembered at the last moment and took a minute to roll one on.

Soon he was entering her, filling her, and she cried out in satisfaction—even as a few tears still streamed down her cheeks. They rocked together in an instinctive rhythm, and it soon became fast and urgent.

“Kelly,” Caleb grunted, adjusting his knees to give himself more leverage as his hips began to thrust harder.

Kelly forced out a wordless sound of response, squeezing him between her legs and fisting her hands in the pillow to keep herself from squeezing him with her arms too. Another orgasm was swelling up, and it felt like it was going to be powerful.

“Kelly,” Caleb rasped again, ducking his head down, his eyes never leaving her face.

Her hips were bucking up in clumsy jerks, bumping against his pelvis as she loosened and tightened her legs—her body so eager for her approaching orgasm that she was almost clumsy.

“Kelly,” Caleb muttered again. This time he seemed to be trying to get her attention. “You want this?”

She would have thought he was crazy—since she clearly wanted this so much she was about to scream—but she knew what he was asking.

If she wanted him. All of him. All the way.

“Yes.” The sensations bombarded her but refused to release themselves. “I want you. I want you.”

Caleb made a guttural sound. “I want you too. All of you. All of you.”

She turned her head to the side when a sliver of fear overwhelmed her. She squeezed her eyes shut. Squeezed her legs around Caleb’s middle, her heels digging brutally into the small of his back. Felt her entire body tightening in torturous anticipation.

It was still so wrong to want him this way.

“Kelly,” Caleb choked, his body just as tight as hers was. “Kelly, look at me.”

She didn’t want to, but couldn’t help herself. Her eyes flew open at his thick words, and she turned her head to stare up at his handsome, twisted face, at the inexpressible look in his eyes.

She whimpered, in desperate pleasure—and in something else.

“Kelly,” Caleb grunted again. His hand was still curved around the back of her head, and sweat was dripping down the sides of his face. His eyes were mesmerizing, demanding, and almost helpless, and Kelly just couldn’t look away from them, the intensity distracting her momentarily from the momentum of her orgasm. “Kelly,” he choked. “Say my name.”

It was more a plea than a demand, and something clenched hard in Kelly’s chest at the knowledge.

She couldn’t have resisted, even if she’d wanted to. Holding his gaze with her own, she gasped. “Caleb!”

At the sound of his name on her lips, her whole body began to shake, all of the friction of his pumping cock inside her and his rocking body above her finally pushing her to the limit.

“Again,” Caleb demanded thickly. He looked like he could swallow her, devour her, drown in her.

“Caleb,” she cried, her voice almost strangled by her impending release. She could feel the pressure finally coalesce into one overwhelmingly powerful peak. Forcing her eyes to remain open so she was still meeting his gaze, she sobbed out “Caleb!”

Her muscles began to clench ruthlessly around the pumping of his cock. Her body spasmed helplessly beneath him as she tried to ride out the waves of radiating pleasure.

Caleb was still trying to push inside her, but mostly he was trapped, by her contracting muscles or by the power of his own climax. His face contorted as he reached the limit of his control, but his eyes never left hers, not even when he grunted out a final, rough “Kelly, blossom,” as he came.

She started crying for real.

His weight rested on her afterward for a minute, his face buried in her hair, just above her shoulder.

Kelly accepted his hot weight. She tried to unwind her legs and wiggle some circulation back into her toes. She tried to stop crying.

But she couldn’t. Not really. She kept hearing Caleb murmuring to her, against her neck, “Oh, fuck, Kelly, blossom. I want everything from you too. You don’t have to hold anything back from me anymore.”

He was expecting her to calm down and be happy, but there was no way that was possible.

Her plan had worked. Caleb was vulnerable. Completely at her mercy.

He was hated. And not hated.

And her father was still dead.

She might have surrendered far too many parts of herself to Caleb, but her surrender would never lead to light.

“Kelly?” he prompted, after a couple of minutes, when she was still shaking in his arms.

There was no explanation she could give him. Nothing that would even come close to answering his unspoken question.

No lie she could tell him.

She had to get away. Right now. Before she broke down even more—shattered everything—even more than she already had. Before she blurted out the final truth.

She couldn’t stay here and be held by Caleb. Couldn’t stay here with him at all. She couldn’t stay and be who she’d been in his arms.

But she couldn’t get away without an explanation. “It was—so good,” she gasped, praying that he’d find it convincing. “Sorry about all the crying. It was—overwhelming. After all the angst and having to admit that and everything—the release—just did me in.”

He didn’t speak for a long time, and she had no idea if he believed her.

Finally, he said dryly, “If you keep crying every time I have sex with you, I’ll eventually start to wonder about my performance.”

The humor was so unexpected that Kelly choked on a real burst of amusement. But then she just choked. And panicked. It hit her so hard and so quickly that she felt the room spinning around her.

“I need to leave,” she said, pulling away from him, sitting up, gasping for air.

Caleb’s face twisted as he dropped his arms to his sides. “What?”

Trying to cling to the remaining control she had, Kelly got up and moved over toward her overnight bag that was tucked in the corner of the room. She started throwing some clothes in it, then realized she was naked.

She limped over to where her bra and shirt were tossed on the floor.

“I’m– It’s too much. I need some space.”

For once, the words weren’t even lies.

“So, you’re leaving? After what just happened?” Caleb demanded. He was angry again, which should have been a good sign. But underneath the anger was an undeniable current of hurt. “After what we just said? You’re leaving me?”

Kelly redressed herself and tried to find the rest of her stuff to throw into her overnight bag. “I’m sorry, but it’s just too much. Maybe we can sort it out later.”

She kept her head hidden from him because, if she looked him in the eye, she would lose it completely.

Caleb didn’t answer. He didn’t try to stop her. She shot him a quick glance and saw he’d clearly pulled in on himself, all of his protective instincts on guard again. He’d made himself as vulnerable as he ever had, and she’d just slammed the door in his face.

Now he just watched every move she made with a cool, penetrating gaze.

Kelly wasn’t sure that she had everything in the bag, but she didn’t really care at the moment. Her purpose for being here at all was nowhere now, and the only thing that mattered was getting away. If she wanted to keep her sanity.

She’d just professed feelings for the man who may or may not have murdered her father. She’d just surrendered all of herself to him—so much more than just her body. There was no way to make sense of a world where that could happen.

So she just needed to get away. “I’m really sorry, Caleb,” she said as she heaved the bag up and started to leave the room. “I mean it. But I just can’t—”

He still didn’t answer. He felt as cold and hard as he’d been when they first met. Caleb followed her out of the room. Out of the house. Down to where her car was parked.

He grabbed her shoulder just before she got into the car Pete had pulled up to drive her home. “Kelly,” he said in a rough murmur. “You’re making a mistake.”

She shrugged weakly, and her voice cracked as she answered, “It’s not the first time.”

–

She had no idea where to go. Or what to do. Or if she even had any options.

All she knew was that she had to get away.

She fell into a daze as she drove into the city—all her chaotic feelings, all her anger, all her angst freezing into a tight, fragile control.

Eventually, she ended up at an apartment building. At an apartment.

One she hadn’t consciously intended to drive to.

She knocked on the door.

It swung open.

Reese stood before her, gasping in surprise when she saw who was at her door.

“Kelly?” Reese breathed, her eyes huge and bewildered.

Kelly gulped and forced out a tight smile. “Hey there. Do you happen to have an extra bed for the night?”

Reese’s face changed, softened visibly. She reached out and put a gentle hand on Kelly’s arm. “Kelly, hon, are you all right?”

Kelly’s face crumpled. Then she shattered. Burst into pitiful tears.

Reese took her in.