Текст книги "Tempted"

Автор книги: Claire Adams

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

At seven fifteen I stood and began to pace. I wondered if I should call him, and I checked my phone to see no messages or missed calls. I sat down again, crossing my arms and wondering if I should call or just wait.

For the time being I opted to wait.

The television depicted a rerun of an old sitcom that I used to watch back in high school. The humor rang hollow this time around, but I watched it, nervously fiddling with the strap on my purse.

By seven thirty I stood and picked up the phone once more, debating on whether or not to call him.

This definitely wasn’t like him.

I wondered if perhaps his meeting with the partners had somehow gone this long into the evening, but that seemed unlikely. Besides he would have found a way to step away and call, I imagined.

Of course my mind traveled then to another worst case scenario. What if something had happened and he was unable to call? Who would be notified if something had happened to him, I wondered. We had only just begun the romantic element of our relationship. Would anyone know to contact me? The idea of our longtime friendship being a factor didn’t cross my mind until much later.

Finally I caved to my thoughts and decided to call him. I checked my messages first just to be certain, but saw nothing from him. Then I scrolled down to his name and hit 'call'. He answered on the second ring.

"Hey Blair." His voice sounded strange. Short and curt. He continued speaking before I had a chance to say hello, "You almost had me convinced. How could you do it?"

"Do what?" I asked confused by his accusatory tone.

"You threw me under the bus, Blair,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. "You told them about the medication."

Chapter Twelve

"Aiden, what are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" he said.

My confusion had begun to veer into feelings of anger.

He was accusing me of something, but I refused to believe his thoughts would go that way.

"You promised to keep my secret, Blair. You said you would help me though this."

It occurred to me that he wasn’t so much talking to me as he was talking at me. I let him go on for a few minutes before I interjected.

"Aiden, what happened?" I said, trying to get his attention back to me. "What did Mr. Mahoney want at the office?"

"As if you don't know!" he bellowed. "Stop pretending, Blair. You were the only one that knew!"

"I didn't tell anyone anything,” I said, seething at his mistrust.

"We need to have a serious talk,” he said. "I'm coming over."

"Well, please do!" I said, my voice raising in volume with each word.

He mumbled something before he hung up.

Oh no you don't, I said.

Whatever he had in mind to tell me would pale in comparison to what I wanted to say to him. After the length of our friendship and the course of our new romance, he had already lost faith in me this soon in. If that was the merit of his trust for me than our problems were bigger than I had originally thought.

My mind had gone red with the anger that bubbled up inside me in the few minutes it took him to get to my apartment. I opened the door without a word, when I heard him tap at the door. I stalked back to the middle of the living room and turned to him.

"Is this about the medication?" I said, trying to control my voice and keep myself from shouting in his face.

"What else would it be about?" he spat the words at me, crossing his arms.

"Why do you think that I told anyone?" I said.

"Didn't you?" he said, raising his eyebrows.

"No, no matter what."

"Is that so?" he said with a laugh. "You know what, Blair. I want to tell you something and I want you to listen closely because this may come as a surprise to you. I don't believe you!"

"Aiden, I..."

"No," he said cutting me off. "I don't believe you, because they do know about it somehow. Funny how that is. Isn't it?"

I stood helpless and silent watching him pace and rant.

"Let's look at the evidence, shall we?" he said, tenting his fingertips beneath his chin. "You have said repeatedly that your priority is to the case, to the job. You have made it clear that you will do whatever it takes to win the full time position with the firm. Isn't that true, Blair?"

"Aiden, let me..."

"Whatever it takes!!" His face had gone pink and I saw from across the room the vein in his forehead, pulsing each time he spoke. He continued, "I knew I should have watched out for you. I underestimated you. I thought I was bad, but this... wow. I mean. Bravo."

He clapped his hands together in a parody of applause in my direction.

"What are you talking about, Aiden?" I said.

I was beginning to grow weary of this tirade, but he had said something that had sparked my curiosity and concern.

"You’re not the only one playing at this game, Blair,” he said. "I knew the moment I laid eyes on you that first day, exactly what I needed to do to win this job from you."

"Oh really," I said with a tired tone. "And what's that?"

"As soon as I recognized you, I knew I couldn't win this job from you on pure merit and performance. I knew I needed to throw you a curve ball."

"Go on," I said as my stomach began to turn.

"You see, Blair. You’re smarter than me. You’re a harder worker than I am. I needed to find a way to distract you if I was to win the full time position." He curled his lips up on a sinister snarl as he spoke.

I was beginning to feel sick.

I couldn’t believe this was happening.

"All this," he whispered in a voice as if revealing the killer at the end of a mystery play. "Has been part of the game."

I sank down on the couch feeling as if the room were spinning around me. "What are you saying?" I asked.

"You know what I'm saying,” he said. "Everything I have been doing from day one has been part of the plan. Catching up, going out with you, that first kiss. Sleeping with you. All of it. And the best part is, it's worked! The partners have noticed the way you seem a bit distracted at work. With your brilliant mind you didn't even see the one thing right in front of you standing in your way. I played you, Blair, and now you have gotten me back. You just evened the playing field without even realizing you were at a disadvantage."

He laughed in a humorless way as the blood drained from my face.

At first I didn’t know what to say.

The man who stood before me seemed to me like a stranger, only bearing a resemblance to the man that I had begun to fall for.

"I don't believe you..." I stammered, unsure how to reply.

"It doesn't matter if you believe me,” he said in an arrogant tone. "What's done is done."

"How could you do this to me?" I said in a slow and even tone. "I didn't say anything to anyone about your medication. But I owe a debt to whoever did, because now I know just who I’m dealing with. I want you to get out of my house. Outside of the case don't expect anything from me again, ever! I never want to speak to you again!"

"Gladly," he said. "I can only ask the same of you. I'll see you in court tomorrow."

"Get out of my house,” I said.

He sneered another laugh, and headed towards the door.

I decided that he wasn’t moving fast enough and I stood crossing the room and opening the door for him.

If I could have shot fire out of my eyes he would have been fully ablaze.

"Until tomorrow,” he said with a crooked smile.

I had tried to hold it in, but something about that last little comment pushed me over the edge.

"Get out!" I screamed, picking up one of the candles from the coffee table and hurling it at his head. "Get out and never come back! You piece of shit! Get out!"

He dodged and the candle hit the back wall with a thud, leaving a small imprint against the plaster. The moment he crossed over the threshold, I slammed the door as hard as I could behind him. As soon as he was out of sight, my knees gave way and I crumbled to the floor, my back against the door.

The truth of his words sunk in.

Of course it was all a game, it made so much sense now.

I thought about how persistent he had been from the beginning. It made sense that he had played me just like he had all those other girls back in high school, using his charisma and charm to manipulate the situation. He wanted this job, and he had used me to get the upper hand.

Of course he had.

Most likely he had developed the plan before he even knew it was me. He knew he would have a female partner. They had probably told him just as much as they had told me. When it turned out to be me, he just used our past as his way in. It didn’t hurt his plan that I had grown up a little bit. He never would have made a move for the skinny bespectacled girl, but the way I looked now played right into his plan.

EVERYTHING PLAYED RIGHT INTO HIS PLAN.

I felt dirty all over at the thought that I had let him touch me so intimately. I wanted to throw up, but instead I remained curled in a fetal position with my back against the door, crying into my arms. I had never been so hysterical, and didn’t recall a time when I hurt so much just form someone's words.

I didn’t know what to do.

There was no one I could call, and even if I did the intensity of my tears prevented me from being able to speak. Humiliation, shame, disgust all washed over me, part of the wordless rage that coursed through my body. I didn’t know what time Kelsey would return, nor did I care. I stayed there in the entry way of our apartment, crying while the evening light crept across the floor marking the setting sun. Finally, I calmed myself enough to make my way back to the couch. I found my cell phone on the table and called Kelsey. It went to voicemail.

"Hey, I'm sorry to bother you while you’re on a date, but can you call me as soon as you get this?" I said in a trembling voice.

The phone rang about a minute later.

"Are you okay?" she said. "What happened?!"

Apparently my voice had been a little bit transparent.

"Can you come home?" I said.

"Blair," she said. "What's happened?"

"Aiden's been lying to me,” I said, my voice breaking on the last word and threatening to fall back into hysterics.

"I'll be right there," she said.

A little while later, Kelsey came rushing through the front door, tossing her purse into the chair and sinking into the couch next to me.

"Who do we need to kill?" she said.

I pulled my hands across my face, clearing the tears away. My skin felt red and puffy from my crying binge.

"He said that he was using me to keep me distracted from the case. So that he could get the job, or at least have the upper hand with the case. He said he did the whole thing as a game to get the upper hand."

"But why would he say that?" Kelsey demanded. "He seemed like such a nice guy in high school and now from what you had told me."

"I know,” I said, reaching for the tissue that Kelsey handed towards me. "This isn't like him. At least the him that I used to know."

"Yeah," she said and nodded.

"I mean, I knew he had changed since we had known each other, but this..."

"We have to get him back,” Kelsey said.

"He thinks I already have."

"What do you mean?"

"He thinks I reported him to the partners for drug use."

"What?"

I explained what I had found the last time I was at his place, including my resolution to help him through it without telling the firm about his extra-curricular activities. "I mean I would have implicated myself just as much as him if I had said anything. I don't know why he thinks it's me."

"Wow,” Kelsey said. She sat back on her heels and a thoughtful look crossed her face. "Based on everything you have told me this does not seem like him at all."

"You should have heard him Kelsey,” I said. "Not only did he confess everything, but he sounded like he enjoyed it. I mean he laughed as he told me."

Kelsey tapped her chin as she thought it over. Suddenly she stood and instructed me as to what to do. "You stay here. We need hot tea, ice cream, and movies, right away."

She vanished into the kitchen. I could hear the sound of her fluttering around, the sounds of various items landing on the surfaces of other items, water running, refrigerator door opening and closing.

"Do you need help with anything?" I called.

"No, you just sit there,” she replied in her chirpy voice. A few minutes later she appeared with a mug in each hand, steam arising from each. She set one down in front of me and grabbed the remote. "Okay now what to watch."

"Actually I think I might just go to bed,” I said.

"Are you kidding?" she said. "This is prime man bashing time. You need a good action movie, something with lots of explosions! Vicarious violence."

"Yeah." I nodded, taking a sip of the tea. The hot beverage did help to calm my nerves a little bit.

"I'll get us some ice cream,” she declared and rushed off to the kitchen.

She must have already dished them up because she returned just as quickly and placed the bowl on the table in front of me, chocolate chocolate chip. Her flavor not mine. I set down the steaming mug and sat back against the couch, watching her flip through the channels on the television trying to find the right one.

"What are you in the mood for?" she asked.

"Whatever you decide,” I said.

It seemed important to her that I accept her comfort, so I let her settle on an old move from the nineties, robots from the future wreaking havoc on modern day Los Angeles, or at least nineties Los Angeles.

Before she started it she turned to me, tucking her feet underneath her legs.

"Do we want to plan his murder now or after the movie when we have some inspiration?" she said with a gleeful grin on her face.

I rolled my eyes over to her, feeling a fresh batch of tears forming just underneath the surface.

"Kelsey," I said. "We are talking about Aiden."

"Oh," she said.

I watched her face transform as the slow dawning crept over her features. Her smile vanished and her eyes subdued. She remembered us back in high school after all.

"Of course."

She set down her mug and offered her arm out to me. Unable to hold back, I curled my head onto her bony arm and succumbed to the fresh onslaught of tears. She endured silently, for a long while, as the ice cream melted in the bowls next to us. I had never felt so hollow from the inside out, as if everything inside me had been scooped out with a giant melon baller, cut into tiny pieces and displayed to be eaten by whatever onlookers may be close by.

Not only had I lost myself, but I had lost my best friend.

Despite everything I had begun to hold on to the notion that Aiden and I would remain friends as we always had been. I couldn’t comprehend the turn that he had taken.

If I thought back to our days in high school I would have recognized the potential he had for manipulation, but since we had reconnected I had seen a maturity, or perhaps I had assumed it. I didn’t realize that he had pointed that same ability to manipulate towards me.

I had fallen for it because I hadn’t seen it coming.

His familiar face had been my down fall. I assumed a trust that wasn’t there. I brushed away the tears and picked up my cooling tea.

"Go ahead and start it. I'll go change. I think I could use the distraction after all."

She turned on the movie and I slipped into my cotton pajamas and wrapped my robe around me, returning to the couch. I could barely pay any attention to the film before me. The future of humanity was at stake, and I couldn’t care less. The heroine fought a valiant struggle, but about halfway through I found myself nodding my head backwards against the couch.

"Kelsey," I said. "I've got to go to bed. I have court tomorrow and I need to get some sleep. I'm sorry I ruined your date."

"Not ruined. Just postponed,” she said, as I stumbled back to my bedroom, stopping only to briefly brush my teeth and wash my face.

Once I made it back to my bedroom, I curled under my blanket. My window remained open to create a breeze, a small reprise against the Southern California heat. I felt glad that I hadn’t boxed up my stuffed animals, but had brought them with me as an inkling of sentimentality when I had packed for the move.

Now I felt comfort in their bizarre presence.

The large plastic googly eyes of my stuffed wombat stared at me plaintively as I wrapped my arms around the small Teri cloth unicorn, a remnant from my elementary school days. I tucked the corner of the blanket over the small family of creatures, the clown with the red and white stockings, the long haired cat puppet, the tiny sheep that fit in the palm of my hand, all received the same care that I had once devoted to them when I was a very small child.

After I felt satisfied that they were all sufficiently tucked in, I pulled the blanket up to my chin. Despite my previous nodding off in front of Kelsey, I felt as if all thoughts of sleep had left me. I laid completely still and closed my eyes listening to the hum of silence around me. The small noises from outside seemed to jolt me back to awareness as if a jet plane were flying overheard. I wanted nothing but to slip into the oblivious nothing of sleep.

The look on Aiden's face kept creeping back to the surface of my conscious mind. His eyes had changed into something I couldn’t recognize. The man who had stood in my living room just a few hours ago hadn’t been the same as the one I had fallen for.

Something had happened.

That part I couldn’t quite piece together. My mind whirled at the idea that he thought I had told them, but I knew with certainty that I hadn’t. I hadn't even told Kelsey until just a bit ago, after the fact.

But if I hadn’t told them, who had? I wondered.

I had run out of tears. All that remained was the bewilderment of what had happened. I mourned more for the loss of my friendship than for anything else. I hadn’t wanted a boyfriend, and it had taken much for me to admit any feelings.

Even more for me to act on them.

It made sense in some bizarre way that this should happen now. It had played out as if this were some cruel punch line to a large joke, a long con that culminated in nothing more than his acquisition of the job, and my complete emotional dismemberment. I remembered the kindness in the boy I had once known. I recalled the way in which we used to run off together, hiding in the tree house in his back yard with stacks of books that we would take turns reading.

I couldn’t decide if he meant what he said, or if he was still trying to break me somehow. Allegations of improper drug use would no doubt end his career. Was this his way of lashing out?

Finally sleep found me. Just before I drifted off one last comfort drifted across my mind. We had never had sex in this bed. I was glad that we hadn’t, or else I would never again be able to lie in it, much less sleep. I knew that I wanted nothing more to do with him ever again.

When I arrived the next morning nothing seemed to be amiss between the senior partners and Aiden. They exchanged pleasant small talk just as always. I glanced between them, trying to keep my confusion at bay.

The way he had laid into me the night before had led me the conclusion that Aiden's job was at stake beyond even the scope of just losing the full time job. Before I had much time to ruminate on it the bailiff came and collected us to go to the court room. I silently resolved to just get through the case, hear the verdict and get on with my life.

I thought briefly about my mother and felt saddened as she had remained best friends with Aiden's mother over all these years. I had no doubt that they would continue to remain so even if he and I were no longer speaking. They had years of practice after all while both of us were in school. She would be disappointed, no doubt, but ultimately this was my life, my decision and she would have to live with any decision that I made regarding my love life.

We arrived in the courtroom. Aiden would take the majority of the closing arguments, since I had opened. I refused to look at or speak to Aiden unless absolutely necessary. I could still catch moments in which Mr. Mahoney or Ms. Klein was looking us over, appraising our behavior.

Everything was already in place at this point, I decided. All I had to do was finish out the trial, and then one of us would be offered the full time job. After that I wouldn't have to see him anymore. I could move on and mend my heart and return to the days where Aiden remained a memory of someone I had once known a long time ago.

I felt as if the case had gone on for months, but it had only been a few weeks in actual court. Much had happened within that time. The one thing that I could count on with Aiden was that he remained just as professional as I. It seemed that we both had that in common throughout.

He nailed the closing arguments, bringing the attention of the jury back to the facts as we had presented them. That regardless of what the police had discovered upon arriving, the evidence filled in the gaps of assumption to show what really happened.

Under any other circumstances I would have been proud and congratulatory. But all I could see as he delivered his words, was a conniving manipulator. I wanted nothing more than the case to end. Much of the anger had dissipated, and all that remained was the deep cutting hurt and sadness.

The arguments came to a close, and the jury was ushered out for deliberation. Neither of us said anything to one another. I positioning my face to show professional distance. I had trained myself to avoid looking in his eyes as I believed this might have been too much for me.

Instead, I looked directly into the center of his forehead only when absolutely necessary. We had the option to stay during deliberation and none of us thought it would take very long. I wandered around the courtroom trying to find a way to pass the time.

The sadness threatened to overtake me at times, but I managed to keep myself distant enough as to keep that from happening.

Ms. Klein passed me in the hallway. I felt that I no longer had anything to hide. My anger kept me focused on the one thing I had left, the full time position. At this point I figured they had enough to have made a decision.

Another wave of hollow sadness came over me when I realized that I didn’t have Aiden to turn to, whether I won the job or not, he was gone. Still I veered back and forth between seething anger and mournful loss. He was the one who had hurt me and yet I wanted to find comfort. With him gone I had nowhere to find that comfort.

"Blair," Aiden's voice called me from down the hall four hours later. I stiffened at the sound of his voice. "The jury is back,” he said in a clipped voice.

No doubt one of the partners had sent him after me. He avoided my eyes just as much as I did his but held the door for me as I entered the courtroom. He followed a few feet behind me until we reached the defendants table.

Mahoney sat next to Ms. Klein with Darius Shaw between them and us. I tried to read the faces of the senior partners, but I suspected they had done this a time or two. They had small relaxed smiles, showing neither confidence nor retreat. I needed to learn how to implement that face.

Mr. Shaw kept his eyes down, but I could see his jaw muscles working as the jury slowly shuffled in each taking their seats. I watched their faces but they all proved just as unreadable as the lawyers. I wanted to stand up and scream just to relieve some of the tension in the room.

I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled as the bailiff walked over to the foreman, a timid looking man with thinning hair and wire rimmed glasses. The juror stood and handed the slip of paper to the bailiff, who then walked across the courtroom once more to hand the paper to the judge. The judge put on his reading glasses.

The silence felt deafening.

It seemed as if every person in the audience had held their breath to hear the verdict. As the seconds ticked by I felt as if I was going to explode. The judge unfolded the paper and read over it before speaking. I dropped my eyes and closed my eyes unable to bear it any longer as he read the words.

"The members of the jury had come to a unanimous agreement, and based upon the evidence presented in this courtroom on the crime of first degree murder, they find the defendant Darius Shaw, not guilty."

Palpable relief swept over the room. I exhaled, nearly light headed, unaware that I had been holding my breath so long. The Shaw family behind us began to cry and exclaim with joy to have their brother, son, and father back. We stood and exchanged hugs and congratulatory handshakes. Mr. Shaw wiped tears out of his eyes as he reached to put his arms around Aiden and then me.

'Thank you!" he said. "Thank you, thank you!" He continued to repeat the words as he embraced each of us, also taking a moment to point towards the ceiling while whispering the same words.

I watched him step through the barrier into the awaiting arms of his family, and I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his little girl rushing to him as he crouched down to catch her up in his arms. That little girl had already lost her mother, and her tiny hands clasped together around his neck secure in the knowledge that she would not also lose her father.

I relished in the victory of the moment, keenly aware of the frayed edges, the reality of facing the next steps in the process. The partners had already told us that we would have a meeting either today or tomorrow depending on how long the jury took to deliberate. It was late afternoon now which led me to surmise the meeting would be the next day.

The other partners would be there also, some of whom we had only met in passing. I knew that one of them would be retiring soon which is what would open the spot for either myself or Aiden, depending on what they decided. Now that the case was over, I had no choice but to face the music.

After the emotions of the trial began to dissipate I couldn’t help but feel the ever present sadness creeping back into my psyche. Aiden had always been a friend, even when we had lost touch, he was kind of always there, through conversations with my mother and updates in passing. I had always felt that if we had ever reconnected that we had the type of friendship that would simply pick up where we had left off, and for a while that is what I thought had happened.

I stood in the court room and watched Aiden interact with the Shaw family as they each took turns to thank him. The crush of reality began to settle upon me, and I knew I had to get out of there before I embarrassed myself or anyone around me.

I wanted to burst into tears if anything just to get the release of emotion out of the way.

The cloak of loneliness wrapped around me despite the press of people and voices. I turned and focused on gathering my belongings to leave the court room. I had begun to feel that my entire life were falling apart. The case was over so I had nothing to distract me. If the choice of the partners settled on Aiden then I knew I would have nothing left. I felt as if my entire life were falling apart.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mr. Mahoney approach with Aiden in tow.

"I wanted to congratulate you both on a job well done," he said once he had both us in proximity. "The other partners and I couldn’t have expected a better team than the two of you proved to be. It has been a real pleasure to watch the two of you work."

"Thank you, sir,” I said.

I glanced towards Aiden but he avoided my eyes, keeping his face turned firmly towards Mr. Mahoney.

The eternal suck up, I thought to myself.

There were still elements of the past few days that didn’t make sense to me, and I wondered if the partners had any idea the dynamic that existed between the two of us all while working on the case. Ms. Klein had hinted that they had, but I remained uncertain.

Perhaps she had kept it to herself.

I hoped.

I turned back to focus on Mr. Mahoney's words.

"No doubt you both need a break. We would like for the two of you to come to the office after a thirty minute recess,” he said. "The other members of the board will also be present."

This late in the day?

My heart began to thump harder.

This was it.

"We'll be there," Aiden said with a confident smile.

I also tried to smile, but it felt false stretched across my face.

This was it!

My mind could think of nothing else but the moment that loomed before me. I didn’t know how I could survive another half an hour of not knowing.

As soon as Mr. Mahoney left, Aiden turned away from me without a word.

I couldn’t stand it.

I would have felt better if he had even said something snarky or hateful, but the infernal silence felt like a dagger in my heart. I left the courtroom, debating on whether or not to grab some lunch before heading over.

In the end I drove around the block, killing time and feeling as if my mind would burst. With ten minutes to spare I stepped onto the elevator that led up to the pale waiting room into which I had stepped so many weeks ago.

Aiden had already arrived and had his back to the elevator doors when I stepped out. He stood with his hands in his pockets, looking out the window to the far right of the room, his reflection in the full length window glanced towards me but then quickly went back to examining the sky line.

Across from me sat Willa, silent and watchful behind the huge desk. I smiled and nodded to her and made my way to the furthest couch as far away from Aiden as I could be without leaving the room altogether.

I picked up a magazine and stared at the pages, flipping through without seeing any of it. The seconds ticked by, with Aiden and I continuing to ignore one another. I didn’t know if the partners were in the office or if they would arrive via the elevator.

Aiden walked over and sat across from me picking up a magazine. He mirrored my movements across the great glass table between us and looked at me until I looked up at him.

My wordless glare told him everything he needed to know before I shifted and became engrossed in my magazine once more, plainly ignoring him.

The recipe for easy breakfast muffins had never seemed so interesting. The only sound in the room was that of Willa's fingers tapping away at her keyboard. Emails, perhaps. Data entry. No doubt something vitally important to the running of the firm.