Текст книги "Dark Desire"

Автор книги: Christine Feehan

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Shea took her time braiding her hair, fussing over her blue jeans, adjusting her ribbed cotton shirt, allowing her mind time to cope with the new knowledge. It was frightening yet fascinating. She wished she had observed it in someone other than herself. It was hard to accept it clinically when it was her own body she was studying.

Such a nice body.

She nearly dropped her brush. Will you stop!Just the low velvet touch of his voice sent heat curling through her body. It was sinful and unfair to have such a voice.

I did not think you would ever speak with me as a lifemate would. I waited long for that impatient comment.There was a teasing note now.

Shea went very still. Her face, reflected in the mirror, visibly whitened. She had not spoken the words aloud, yet he had heard her. Her teeth tugged worriedly at her lower lip. The change was in more than her body. Her capabilities were growing. She could talk to him easily using her mind. It shocked her that she could conceive of such a thing as normal. If she didn’t think about it or analyze it, she could almost accept it. She found herself trembling. Extending her hands out in front of her, she watched with annoyance as they shook. She was a doctor; nothing should shake her composure. More than that, Shea knew her own worth, had complete faith in herself.

Her chin went up. She walked into the main room, avoiding looking at him as she opened the refrigerator and took out some apple juice. Her stomach lurched. The thought of swallowing the liquid made her ill. Something inside her had changed dramatically, as she suspected. She needed to take more blood samples, find out just what was going on with her body. Yet for the first time in her life, she found herself reluctant to study data.

What are you doing?He sounded curious.

“Actually, I’m not sure. I thought I would drink juice, but...” She trailed off, uncertain what to say. Shea always had a firm direction; now she was seriously floundering. Pouring the juice into a glass, she stared at it helplessly.

You will make yourself ill. Do not touch that.

“Why would apple juice make me ill?” she asked, curious. Did he know what had happened to her?

You need blood. You are not nearly strong enough. I have scanned your body. Although I am not able to help you as o f yet, I can see the need for proper nourishment. Your body cannot cope with the demands you make on it.

“I don’t want to discuss what I should or shouldn’t do.” It bothered her the way he sounded so concerned, almost tender. His voice had a way of making her want to do anything he asked of her, including drinking the blood. She could smell it. She could hear his heart, the rush of blood through his veins. For the space of a heartbeat she allowed the sound to echo in her head, to feed the hunger gnawing at her. She bit down hard on her lower lip. She needed to put a little distance between them. His personality was extremely overpowering. Something deep within her, something wild she hadn’t known was a part of her, was calling out to him. The chemistry was so strong, she ached just looking at him. Shea unbolted the cabin door, began to open it.

Stop!Thecommand was soft, menacing, yet she caught the hint of desperation. The door seemed to be jerked out of her hand by some unknown force and slammed closed. Shocked, she dropped the glass in her hand. It smashed on the floor. She watched the apple juice spread out in a golden stain, the pattern particularly odd, almost like the yawning jaws of a wolf.

With an effort Jacques calmed himself. It was absolute hell to be so helpless, to be trapped in a useless body. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, releasing the terror her rash action had caused. I am sorry, Shea. You did not scan to see if there was danger near. We are hunted. You must never forget that. You must stay close to me so I can be of some use if you are threatened. I did not mean to frighten you.

She looked up at him, her green eyes bewildered. “I don’t know what you mean by scanning.” She said it absently, as if her mind was on something else.

Come here to me.His voice whispered over her skin. He held out a hand to her, his eyes eloquent, hungry. He wanted something from her she dared not think about.

“Not on your life.” He looked so sensual, so sexy, he took her breath away. Shea felt behind her for the wall, leaned against it for stability.

I am not asking for much. Walk to me. It is only a few short steps.Blackvelvet enticed her: warmth flooded her mind.

She regarded him carefully. “You know what’s wrong with me, don’t you? You did something to me. I know you did. I feel it. Tell me what you’ve done.” Her face was pale, her enormous eyes accusing.

We are one, bound together.

There was the impression of puzzlement. Jacques felt her confusion; he was a shadow in her mind. Yet he was as confused as she was. She truly didn’t understand what he meant by scanning, which was ingrained in him just as breathing was. She had no idea what he meant by their being bound together, yet to him it was perfectly clear. Still, he was not certain he could explain it to her adequately. Why didn’t she know these things? He was the one damaged. His was the mind shattered, his the memories scattered to the four corners of the earth.

Shea rubbed her forehead with a trembling hand. “You shut that door, didn’t you? You took it out of my hands and slammed it closed right from the bed. You did it with your mind, didn’t you?” She could do many things, had special gifts, but this unknown man had tremendous powers she could barely comprehend. What was he? What else was he capable of? The pull between them was so strong—had she allowed something outside herself to dictate her own actions? Shea was uncertain of the answer.

At once Jacques sought to soothe her. He didn’t know what was upsetting her so much—it was a natural part of his life to move objects with his mind—but his need was to overcome her distress. He sent her warmth and reassurance, comfort. Iam sorry, Shea, I was thinking only of your protection. It is difficult for me to know we are hunted while I am so helpless to protect you, that we cannot leave this place because of my weakness. You are tied to my side, and I endanger you.He tried as hard as he could to undo the damage his thoughtlessness had caused. She deserved so much more than a half-mad lifemate. She seemed to have no real idea of what they needed to survive. You have no conception of the monsters we are dealing with. It is always important to scan as you wake, before you leave a dwelling.He tried to be gentle as he imparted the information. It was easy for him to read her mounting fears.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Her genuine puzzlement brought out a protective urge in him so strong that it shook his narrow world. He wanted to take her into his arms and shelter her for all eternity within his soul. She looked impossibly small and fragile, the questions in her mind as easy to read as the worry on her transparent face. His dark eyes widened in sudden understanding. You do not know the ways of our people at all, do you?

“What people? I’m an American, of Irish descent. I came here to do research on a rare blood disorder, which I seem to share with you. That’s all.” Unknowingly she was biting her lip, her knuckles white from clenching her fists, her body tense, waiting for his reply.

He cursed his inability to remember basic things, certain they were of great importance to the two of them. If she was as much in the dark as he was, they were in deep trouble. It was frustrating to have so many gaps in his mind. You are of this land. I feel your connection to this land. I know absolutely that you are mine, that we belong together.

Shea shook her head. “My mother was Irish. My father was from this region, but I never even knew him. I arrived here for the first time only a couple of months ago. I swear I’ve never been here before.”

We do not have a disorder, a disease. Our people have existed as they are from the dawn of time.He did not know where that piece of information came from. It was simply there.

“But that’s impossible. People do not require drinking blood to live. I’m a doctor, Jacques. I do medical research all the time. I know. This is extremely rare.” She could feel her breath refusing to leave her lungs.

You can accept that I remained buried alive for an eternity, yet you cannot accept that our people exist?

Shea bent to pick up the scattered pieces of glass, needing something practical to do while she tried to hold on to her self-control. What was he really saying to her? That he did not have a blood disorder but was of another race or... species? “We don’t know how long you were there,” she said uneasily, slowly mopping up the juice.

How long ago were you shown the picture of me?

Shea dumped the broken glass into the garbage can. “Two years ago,” she admitted reluctantly. “The vampire murders occurred seven years ago. They claimed the photos were of those victims. But it would be impossible, totally impossible, for you to have survived that long. That would mean you were buried with a stake through your body for seven years. It’s impossible, Jacques.” She turned to him, her eyes enormous. “Isn’t it?”

Not if I shut down my heart and lungs. My blood would not run,he explained, choosing his words carefully, afraid of upsetting her.

It had just the opposite effect. “You can do that? Really do that?” Now she was excited. “You can control your heart rate, slow it down, speed it up? My God, Jacques, this is incredible. There are monks who can do such a thing, but not on the scale you imply.”

I can stop my heart if need be. You can stop yours.

“No, I can’t.” She dismissed the idea as nonsense with a wave of a hand. “But is that really what you did? Stop your heart? Is that how you survived being buried alive? Lord, that must have driven you mad. I don’t know if I can make myself believe this. How did you eat? You were chained, both hands.” Her thoughts and questions stumbled over one another in her excitement.

I woke rarely, only when I sensed blood nearby. I called creatures to me. You must know you can do that.Hewas pleased that for once he could give her information. I managed to scratch a hole in the wood to allow them in.

Shea could call animals to her; she had been doing it since she was a child. And that talent she and Jacques shared accounted for the rat carcasses she had seen buried in the wall with him. “Are you saying there are others who do these things?” She hurried to her computer, turning on the generator so she could work. “What else do you remember?”

She was so excited, he wanted to give her more information, but as hard as he tried to come up with something, his head simply pounded, and memories eluded him. Shea felt his distress, glanced over at him, saw the faint sheen of perspiration beading on his forehead.

Immediately her eyes-warmed, her mouth curving softly. “Jacques, I’m sorry. It was thoughtless of me to press you like that. Don’t try to think right now. Things will come back to you eventually. I’ve got plenty to work on right here. You just rest.”

Grateful for her compassion, Jacques allowed the fragmented pieces of his memory to escape for a while and leave him in peace. He watched with interest as Shea took a blood sample from her arm and made several smears on small glass squares. Her excitement was so intense, her rush of joy so totally encompassing, that it pushed aside her gnawing hunger. Her mind was consumed with facts, hypotheses, and a bombardment of data. All at once she was far away from him, completely absorbed with her work. Jacques watched her, reached lazily for the glass on the end table, and swallowed the contents to dull his own terrible hunger.

Even after an hour of observation he saw that Shea remained completely focused on whatever she was doing, concentrating totally on her task. He enjoyed watching her, found her fascinating, every turn of her head, the fringe of her long eyelashes in profile. She often shoved at her hair when she was puzzled. Small teeth would worry her full lower lip. Her fingers flew on the keyboard, her gaze fastened on the monitor. Frequently she would consult notes and several books with a slight, all-too-alluring frown on her face. He found he liked that little frown, the habit she had of biting her lip.

Every time he recognized hunger beating at her, she seemed to be able to push it aside. Just as she had temporarily pushed him aside, out of her thoughts. That actually annoyed him a bit, but he also felt a sense of pride in her. Whatever she did, she did wholeheartedly. Still, Shea was ignoring the danger to herself, so absorbed in her work that she blocked out everything around her. Jacques thought about reminding her of the hazards, but instead he opted to remain alert enough to scan their surroundings, slipping in and out of the mortal’s sleep.

Jacques jerked himself awake four hours later, then cursed at the clumsiness that sent pain spiraling through his body. He felt hunger, weakness, a swaying dizziness. Black eyes leapt to Shea. She was peering at a notebook, pencil clenched in her teeth. Her skin was so pale, it was nearly translucent. The intense emotions in the room were hers, yet she seemed not to notice. Her mind fought to merge with his; he could feel it tuning itself, vibrating with need, but Shea was disciplined, strong, and very determined. She brought her thoughts back under control, focusing on her work.

He felt a curious melting in the region of his heart. Ice-cold hatred and fury, the need for revenge, for retribution, had been the force driving him to live. He had not thought himself capable of tenderness, yet Shea managed to bring it out of him. He was first and always a predator. Shea was light to his darkness, radiating beauty as if it shone through her skin from her soul. She had introduced gentler emotions to him.

She needed a break, rest. Most of all she needed to feed. If he was completely honest, he needed her touch, her attention. Deliberately, he moaned softly in his mind, his head back, eyes closed. He sensed her instant alertness, her concern. A rustle of papers signaled she had set her notes aside. Jacques beat down a sense of triumph, concentrating on the pain that encompassed his battered body.

Shea glided across the room, not noticing how silent she was, how efficient her body had become, moving with grace and speed. Her hand was cool on his forehead, soothing. She brushed back his grimy hair, her touch so soft that his heart ached. She bent to examine his wounds with a professional eye. Antibiotics wouldn’t work on him any more than they did on her. Perhaps new soil would help. “I’m sorry I can’t take your pain away, Jacques. I would if I could.” Her voice was filled with concern, with regret. “I’ll get you some fresh soil and wash your hair for you. It isn’t much, but it can be soothing and might help.” Her fingers were drawn to his mane of hair again, then traced his shadowed jaw in a small caress.

Both his hands came up, caught her with surprising strength, his black eyes capturing hers so that she felt she was falling forward into those dark, mysterious pools. You have not fed.She could get lost in his gaze for all time. She could hear the sound of her heart tuning itself to his. It was strange yet normal how their hearts seemed to want to beat in the same rhythm.

“I don’t drink human blood. I transfuse if I’m desperate, but I can’t make myself drink it,” she explained quietly. She felt him now, in her mind, his touch calming and gentle. But there was also a hard authority in him. His will was so strong, nothing could resist him when he insisted. She wanted him to understand. “I am human, Jacques. Drinking blood is abhorrent to me.”

To try to live for any length of time without feeding is dangerous. You must drinkAlthough Jacques tried to make it a simple statement of fact, it came out as a soft command. He didn’t know where the information came from, only that it was true. It was plain to him she wanted his understanding in this ridiculous regimen she was forcing on herself, but it made no sense to him, and he could not allow such foolishness. He had to find a way to make her realize what she was doing to herself.

She smoothed back his hair, the touch of her fingers stirring interesting reactions in his battered body. Unaware of what she was doing to him, Shea smiled into his eyes. “I accepted a long time ago I would die if I was unable to find a cure. Now, do you want me to wash your hair?”

His hands tightened on her slender shoulders, pulled her down to him. You know, little red hair, as your lifemate it is my duty to see to your health. My purpose in life is to protect you and see to your needs. You are weak, unable to perform the most basic survival skills. This cannot continue. You must use the blood you are supplying to me for yourselfThere was something magical in his voice. She could listen to it forever. “There’s very little left. As it is, I’ll have to visit the local blood bank soon.” She had already used most of her units to try to replace the tremendous volume of blood he had lost. “Really, Jacques, don’t worry about me. I do this all the time.”

Look at me, little Shea.Hisvoice dropped an octave. Low. Compelling. An enticement. His black eyes held her green ones. Warmth flooded her mind; arms surrounded her, held her close. She fell further into deep, dark pools of burning heat. Youwill accept my blood, as you are meant to.He gave the command softly, firmly, holding her mind with his. The strength of his will, shaped by centuries of practice and honed by the fires of hell, conquered hers. Without hesitation he drew her to his chest, cradling her tenderly in his arms.

She seemed so light, so small and fragile. He loved the line of her throat, the satin perfection of her skin, her mouth. With one nail Jacques opened a small wound in his heavy muscles, pressed her to him, and felt heat coil unexpectedly deep within him. His gut clenched, and desire shot through him, piercing and sweet. The feel of her mouth on him was erotic. Their minds were merged as he held her. It was an intimacy he was unfamiliar with. In the midst of pain and darkness, hatred and rage, she had brought light, compassion, and courage. Where there was bleak despair and a weak, empty shell, she had given him the beginnings of strength and power, blossoming hope. Where there was endless pain, an eternity of hell, she was bringing beauty, joy, and an intense pleasure he almost could not comprehend.

Jacques did not want to end their joining, but he needed every drop of blood to try to heal his broken body and mend his fractured mind. He didn’t dare allow her to take too much from him. Already his hunger was growing. He needed fresh blood, hot and rich, flowing straight from his prey. Reluctantly he stopped her, felt flames dance over his skin as her tongue caressed him, closing the wound.

For a moment he dropped his head over hers, savoring the closeness of her body, her scent, savoring the beauty of her spirit. He could no longer bear to be alone, separated from her even for a moment. Seven years of darkness, of total isolation, of believing she had deliberately allowed, even prolonged, his suffering. To know it wasn’t true, that, indeed, her courage had saved him, had given him back hope, a chance at living. Jacques would never survive her loss. He could not let her out of his sight, out of his mind. He was so fragmented, she alone was holding him together.

He released her will slowly, watching her closely, intently, black eyes burning possessively. Her long lashes fluttered, and the cloudiness vanished, leaving glittering emeralds behind, flawless and mysterious. Cool beauty fired to flashing flame. “What have you done this time, Jacques? You absolutely cannot take care of me. I mean it. You have no idea just how close to death you really are. You cannot afford the loss of blood.”

His faint smile was in her mind. You are my lifemate, always in my care. I can do no other than provide what you need.

She shook her head slowly. “What am I going to do with you? You need every drop of blood we can get our hands on. I’m used to getting by on tiny amounts.”

Getting by is not good enough.Hegrowled it at her, black eyes glittering.

Shea rolled her eyes heavenward. “At least have the decency to try to look guilty. You needn’t be so smug and annoying.” Her fingers found his tangle of hair again, brushed it from his forehead. “I wonder about you, Jacques. Where your family is.”

Confusion reflected in his eyes, a black void suddenly filled with splintering pain. She caught at his hand, reeling under the impact of her mind sharing, even for a split second, the agony in his. “Stop, Jacques. Don’t try to force your memory. It will come back as you heal. Just relax. I’ll bathe your wounds and wash your hair. It’ll be soothing to you.”

Her fingers were soothing on his skin, sending coolness into his burning mind. His body responded, relaxing muscles clenched taut, releasing a bit of the pain wracking him. Her touch gave him a flicker of light to follow, hope that the pain would actually end someday. He closed his eyes and gave himself up to her ministrations. The sound of her moving so lightly around the house was comforting. Her natural fragrance and the faint aroma of herbs and flowers that drifted from her skin and hair seemed to surround him like arms holding him close.

Shea touched him gently as she examined his wounds. Her sponge seemed to skim over raw, damaged flesh, leaving a curious tingling in its wake. The warm water pouring over his hair as she cradled his head in her arm felt so good, it was almost sensuous. As her fingertips massaged herbal shampoo into his scalp, he concentrated on the feeling, for a few minutes able to push aside his world of pain.

“You have beautiful hair,” Shea said softly, rinsing the suds away with more warm water. Her arm was aching with the effort to hold his head up over the plastic basin, but she could sense she was bringing him a measure of peace. She removed the basin, maneuvered a towel onto his pillow, and helped him slide back to his original position.

As she dried his hair, her hands lingered in his scalp; she enjoyed touching him. “You’re very tired. Go back to sleep.”

More blood.The husky, drowsy note echoing in her mind turned her insides soft and warm.

Without hesitating, Shea poured a unit into a glass and busied herself dumping the wash water and mopping up the floor.

As she moved past the bed, his hand snaked out, fingers shackling her wrist, drawing her close.

“What?” Shea perched on the edge of the bed, a faint smile on her face, her eyes soft, even tender, although she was unaware of it.

His palm slid up her arm; strong fingers massaged her aching shoulder. Thankyou, little red hair. You make me feel alive again.

“You are alive, Jacques,” she reassured him, smoothing back his hair. “Disrespectful but definitely alive. I don’t know a single physician referred to as ‘little red hair.’“

Her quiet laughter remained in his mind long after he fell into the mortal state of sleeping. On some level he was aware of her closeness as she mixed soil, herbs, and saliva for his wounds, and it soothed him, kept rage, pain, and the terror of his empty, isolated world at bay.

Chapter Four

Shea opened the door to the night and inhaled deeply. The amount of information that flooded her was shocking. Creatures were roaming the forest, and Shea knew the precise location of each animal, from a pack of wolves several miles away to three mice scurrying in the bushes close by. She could hear water roaring in cascading falls and bubbling softly over rocks. The wind played through the trees, the underbrush, and the very leaves on the ground. The stars glittered overhead like millions of jewels radiating prisms of colors.

Entranced, Shea stepped from the cottage, leaving the door open to allow the odor of blood and sweat and pain to seep outside, to be replaced with clean, fresh air. She could hear the sap running like blood in the trees. Every plant had a special scent, a vivid color. It was as if she had been reborn into a whole new world. She lifted her face to the stars, drawing air into her lungs, relaxing for the first time in forty-eight hours.

An owl slipped silently through the sky, its wingspan incredibly long, each feather iridescent to her new sight. The sheer wonder of it drew her toward the deep woods. Droplets of water sparkled like diamonds on moss-covered rocks. The moss itself looked like emeralds scattered along the winding stream and up the trunks of trees. She had never seen anything so beautiful in her life.

Her mind, as always, processed the data flooding into her brain. It was all a huge jigsaw puzzle, but the pieces were beginning to fit themselves together. She had been born to a woman who ate food and walked in the sunshine. Yet she—and others—displayed decided differences in sensitivities, metabolism, nutritional requirements. It was impossible to believe that the vampire legends were true. But could there be a separate race of people with incredible gifts who needed to drink blood to survive? Could they live incredibly long lives, survive the unthinkable, be able to control their hearts and lungs? Their bodies would have to process everything differently. Their organs would have to be different. Everything would be different.

Shea shoved at her hair. Her tongue swept her lower lip, teeth biting nervously. It was something out of a fairy tale. Or a horror film. Impossible. Wasn’t it? A man could not survive seriously wounded, buried seven years in the earth. No way. It couldn’t happen. But she had found him. It wasn’t a lie. She had uncovered him herself. So how could one’s sanity remain after seven years of being buried alive, of being in agony every moment? Her mind shied away from that question. She didn’t want to dwell on it.

And what was happening to her body? She was different. Many changes had started seven years ago, with sudden pain driving her to the point of unconsciousness. That episode had never been explained. Then the nightmares, so persistent, so relentless, never giving her a moment’s peace, had started. Jacques.Always Jacques. The picture, two years ago, the human butchers had shown her. The seventh one. Jacques.Something drawing her, calling her insistently to that horrible place of torture and cruelty. To Jacques.They had to be connected. Somehow, some way. Intellectually it seemed impossible. By every standard she knew it was impossible. Yet wasn’t her very existence strange? Her need to transfuse blood wasn’t psychosomatic; she had tried everything to overcome it. So maybe there was another explanation, one her human mind and prejudices could not comprehend, even with the facts in front of her.

Shea!Thecall was loud, a flood of fear and confusion, an impression of strangling, of darkness and pain.

I’m here, Jacques.She sent her answer back so easily it startled her. To reassure him, she tried to fill her mind with every beautiful thing she saw.

Come back to me. I need you.

She smiled at the demand in his voice; her heart somersaulted at the raw truth in his voice. He never tried to hide anything from her, not even his elemental fear of her leaving him to face the darkness alone. Spoiled brat.She sent it tenderly. There’s no need to sound like the lord of the manor. I’ll be right in.There was no reasonable explanation for the joy flooding her at the touch of his mind lingering possessively in hers. She shied away from looking at that one too closely, too.

Just come to me.Hewas more relaxed now, beating back his fear of isolation. I do not want to wake alone.

I do need an occasional break. How was I supposed to know you would wake at this precise moment?

She was teasing him. Warmth curled in the pit of his stomach. He had no memory of such a thing before Shea. There was no life before Shea. There had been only ugliness. His world had been torment and hell. He found himself smiling. Of course you should know when I wake. It is your duty.

I should have known you would think that way.Shea laughed aloud as she raced across the rough terrain back to the cabin, reveling in her ability to do so, at the sudden surge of strength she had never before experienced. For just a brief moment a heavy weight seemed lifted from her shoulders, and she knew carefree happiness.

Jacques found he couldn’t take her eyes from her. She looked so beautiful, her red hair tangled and wild, just begging for a man’s fingers to straighten it. Her eyes were sparkling as she came across the room to his side.

“Are you feeling any better?” As always she examined his wounds to see for herself if he was making progress.

He lifted a hand, needing to touch the silk of her hair. Much.It was a blatant lie, and she scowled at him.

“Is that so? I’m beginning to think you need a monitor like we have for newborns. I want you to lie quietly. I can tell you’ve been squirming around again.”

I have nightmares.Hisblack eyes never left her face, burning his brand into her heart. No one had the right to have eyes like his. Hungry eyes. Eyes that held fire and the promise of passion.

“We’ll have to do something about them,” Shea said with a slight smile. She hoped her own eyes weren’t revealing her confused, unfamiliar feelings for him. She would get over them soon; it was just that he was the sexiest thing she had ever encountered.

No one had ever needed her as he did. Not even her own mother. Jacques had a way of looking at her as if his life, the very air he breathed, depended solely on her. Intellectually she knew that any living person would really do for him, but she wrapped herself up in his hunger and fire anyway. For this time in her life, when she was alone and hunted, near the end of her endurance, and coping with many bizarre happenings, she would enjoy this unique experience.