Текст книги "Doing It for Love"

Автор книги: Cassie Mae

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

Chapter 23

I wake from my dreams and it’s still dark. Landon’s side of the bed is unusually cold and empty. Rubbing the gook from my eyes, I pad my way to the glow coming from the living room. When I peek around the corner, Landon’s head is buried in his hands, and he’s shaking, glasses dangling between his pointer and thumb.

I blink a few times and move a step forward. Maybe he needs a snuggle or something, but his voice stops me.

“Hey, um, God? I don’t know what to do, but I’m pretty sure you’ve got it figured out in that big plan of yours.” He blows out a breath and looks up at the ceiling. “Pops always told me to ask for help when tough shit like this comes up, even though asking for help is really not my thing. And damn it, I just said ‘shit’ in a prayer, and now I’m not sure if you even want to give me what I’m asking…if I ask for it. And damn it, I said damn, too. And again. Sorry, God. Let me start over.”

My heart thuds dully in the pit of my stomach. I back around the corner and lean against the wall. Landon and I go to church once in a blue moon, and the only time I’ve heard him pray was when he was kneeling at the toilet and asking God to free him from whatever flu-devil possessed his body so he could nail his movie pitch the next morning.

“Okay, here it is,” he starts, and I push my ear toward the sound. “I’m not good at asking for things, but I sort of need your help. Liz wants to be a mom someday, and I want to give that to her, but the way things are going, I can’t…financially. It’s no secret she’s the one saving our asses…sorry, uh…hindquarters…and it kills me when she gets off work and collapses on the couch, and yet she’s still the one cleaning the place and cooking and taking care of my sorry…hindquarter. And I don’t want to crawl to my parents for money. I want to strap on a pair and find something that’s going to support her dream, even if that means giving up mine.”

“No,” I whisper, then smack my hand over my mouth. He can’t give up directing. He’s going to make it someday. I know it. And I won’t let him give it up, and now I’m sending out prayers that Landon’s movie takes off tomorrow so he knows just how talented he is.

“So, I guess I’m asking, help me find a job? Something stable and with benefits and something that’ll get us to the point where we won’t need Liz to work. If you could do that, I’d really appreciate it. Uh, thanks. Amen.”

He sighs, and I bite my lip and stare at the hallway carpet for a few minutes. We always seem to freak out at opposite times, and maybe that’s why we’re good together. When I’m losing it, he’s there to pull me back. Now he’s struggling, and I just want him to know that tonight was everything to me, just what I needed now, especially since I feel like we’re losing our spark.

And the fact that he wants to support my dream as much as I want to support his just reaffirms in my heart that he is my person, regardless of what course we are in the sex meal.

And I’m his.

I lean over and push on the bedroom door hard enough to announce that I’m awake. I step around the corner and gently press the laptop closed.

“I’m coming to bed, I promise,” he says, but I shake my head and slowly crawl onto his lap. My nails lightly scratch his chest, my lips graze his throat, and his arms engulf me as he adjusts to a more comfortable position.

“Say something romantic,” I whisper into his chest, which vibrates with soft laughter.

“Put me on the spot.”

“Come on.” I grin and shake him, hoping that I can take his mind off money and onto the important things.

He laughs again, eases into the couch cushion, and pulls the throw blanket over me. And then he starts singing. Badly.

I Get a Kick Out of You.

Guess we do have a song.

–

3:45 a.m.

I wake up again and it’s still dark. I’m resting in Landon’s arms on the couch, and he’s watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He doesn’t notice I’m awake, and I sort of blink out of my sleep, wondering if I’m dreaming because tears are stroking quietly down his cheeks. I must be dreaming. He can’t be crying to this movie. He’s seen it a million times. But I feel very much awake, and when I feel his gaze shifting from the TV to me, I let my eyes drift closed. A soft, damp press of his lips grazes my forehead. And yeah, I’m dreaming, because now I feel fast asleep.

–

7:45 a.m.

When I wake up Landon’s not there. I start spouting off curse words thinking I must be late for work if he’s already gone, but I still have a half hour before Alec gets here. Huh, Landon must’ve gone for a run or something.

I send him a text: Where are you?

After a few minutes of no response, I get ready for my long shift. Alec picks me up right on time, like always, and he doesn’t know where Landon is either. But he eases my mind and says Landon probably just has his earbuds in.

I still don’t hear anything while I’m at work, even though I send him more texts and voice mails. He’s going to get an earful when I get home, because I’m getting worried, and angry, and more worried.

But I come home to an empty apartment. No note or text or even Landon’s socks on the floor. The back of my eyes are starting to burn, and there’s an unnerving panic burrowing in my gut. I don’t even stay more than two minutes before I’m banging on the door down the hall.

“Whoa,” Theresa says when I slide past into her place.

“Have you seen Landon?”

“Um, I bumped into him outside.”

“When?”

“I don’t know. Couple of hours ago. Are you okay?”

I slump into her recliner, trying to calm my heart. “I haven’t heard from him all day.”

She sits cross-legged in front of me, setting her chin on my knee. “Did you get into another fight?”

“No.” Just the opposite. Things were going so well…or so I thought. We were nearly strawberries and whipped cream again, so it can’t be that.

But then what is it?

“I…think maybe he’s just…” I don’t know. Is he getting cold feet? Or is it even about me at all? I pull my phone out one more time and call him, and it rings and rings and rings, and when the beep sounds in my ear I go off. “Landon, please call me. I’m scared, and Theresa said she saw you earlier, and I just want to know if you’re okay, and if you love me you’ll answer your damn phone.”

“Okay, time to make brownies,” Theresa says, hopping to her feet.

“Enabler.”

“It’ll take your mind off it while you wait for him to—”

Buzz.

“Looks like he responds to threats,” she jokes while taking out a mixing bowl. I pull up the text.

I’m okay. With Jace, might stay for a bit to get this edit done. Sorry, the reception at his place is crap. Love you.

Seriously? I’m half tempted to make him wait an entire day for a reply. He was at work, wasn’t he? Ran into Theresa. He had all day to respond. I growl at my phone, and thank the heavens Theresa is making something chocolate.

Don’t do that to me again. Ass.

You still love me though, right?

*squeezes hand*

:)

My stomach finally feels normal, minus the fact that I haven’t really eaten today. So I get up and help crack eggs, and vent to my best friend about how men suck but we love them anyway.

–

It’s four in the morning, and Landon’s still not home. He must sense that his life is in danger, because I’m going to kill him when he gets here.

–

I get approximately two hours of sleep, and twenty minutes in Alec’s car on the way to work, because Landon still isn’t home and he won’t answer his cell again. I grasp Alec’s shirt and tell him that if he knows anything he better spill or I will karate-chop his voice box. He laughs at me, but snaps his lips shut when he sees I’m serious.

“All I know is that he spent the night at Jace’s,” he rushes out. “And that he asked if he could crash at my place tonight.”

I let go of his sleeve, heart sinking like a deadweight.

“Don’t be mad at him,” Alec says. “I think he’s trying to do something for you…” He says it, but his eyes say something very different.

“I’m not mad,” I tell him honestly. I’m not mad anymore. Just scared.

–

The next morning, Theresa is at my door with a handful of balloons.

“I am under strict instructions to distract you today.”

“Did you talk to Landon? What’d he say? He’s not leaving me, is he? Tell him he can have Sundance, I’ll apologize to his mom, I’ll take his sister out when she gets here, I’ll—”

“Liz. Breathe.” Theresa puts her hands on my shoulders, the balloons knocking into the side of my head. I inhale and blow out an exhale, and Theresa gives me a small smile. “That’s it…calm. I don’t know anything. Alec told me to take care of you. So I planned a bridal shower.”

My shoulders slump under her hands. She does look dressed up. Burgundy lipstick, rouge-splashed cheeks, and longer eyelashes, but she looks like that on her normal Friday nights. Her brown hair is kinked and curly and gorgeous. I feel like I just got pulled from a dumpster, and I really don’t want to beautify myself.

“I don’t want to.”

“I know,” she says, letting the balloons bounce to the ceiling as she pulls me in for a hug. “And trust me, if I knew where Landon was I’d first scream at him, maybe punch him, then I’d tell you where I left the body.”

I laugh into her hair, choking on a few strands.

“Let me distract you,” she says when I pull back. I nod and let her push me into the bathroom. After I take a short shower, I pad out onto the bath mat, trying to forget how it feels when Landon and I shower together and how dangerous: The first step out of the tub is when we were both so slippery and anxious to move to the bedroom. Back when we were luxurious dessert during the sex meal.

“Landon, it’s about time!” I hear from the other side of the door. It jolts me so much my feet don’t know whether to run toward Theresa or away from her, so I end up falling all over myself and landing between the toilet and the sink.

My ass is officially stuck.

“Theresa!” I yell, and then cover my boobs with the towel.

She comes in, phone to ear, searching around till she sees me stuck on the floor.

“Is that him?” I say, waving wildly for her to pass the phone. She does with suppressed laughter as I move my wet hair away from my ear.

“Where are you? Are you okay? What did I do? Are you mad at me? Please come home. I miss you and I need you, and I don’t know what I did wrong or why you won’t sleep in the bed with me or what.”

“Lizzie…” His voice sends a bunch of different emotions through me. I don’t know whether to be relieved, annoyed, upset, sad, or worried. “I’ll be home tonight.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Do you still love me?”

“Of course.”

“Because you sure as hell aren’t acting like it.”

“I love you.”

I pause, debating on saying it back. Not because I don’t feel it, but because he has me so pissed he doesn’t deserve to hear it. But then, of course, my imagination runs wild about what if something happens to him and this is the last time we talk and I didn’t say I loved him.

Damn it.

“I love you, too.”

“I’ll see you tonight.”

Then he hangs up, and I stick the phone out to Theresa.

She shakes her head at me. “You must really love him, because I just heard half of that conversation and he got off easy.”

He did. But if he really is coming home tonight and doesn’t have some brilliant excuse—which is doubtful—then I really should warn Theresa to wear noise-canceling headphones while she sleeps so all the screaming doesn’t wake her.

For now, at least he talked to me.

“He’ll get an earful later.”

“If you say so.”

“Please tell me there will be lots of chocolate at this shower.”

“And presents.”

Praise the Lord. “Okay…” I wiggle my fingers at her. “Please help me up.”

Chapter 24

Theresa and I walk to Penny’s place, since her penthouse is gorgeous and I could use the exercise. The balloons constantly bop us in the back of the head with the wind blowing around. Though I’d take this over enduring Theresa’s driving. I have to cling to the “oh shit” bar for dear life and say, “Red light,” “Crosswalk,” and “Shitshitshitshit,” whenever she cuts off a semi on the highway.

Jaycee is already there, and she gives me a giant hug when I walk in, almost as if she knows something I don’t. So, of course, I immediately start my interrogation.

“Did you see Landon? Did you do reshoots or see Jace and he was there or something because you tell me right now if you know something I don’t because I’m starting to freak out.”

“Starting?” She chuckles, and Theresa rubs my shoulder before tying the balloons to a singular chair in the middle of Penny’s sitting room.

“You’d freak out, too, if your fiancé suddenly went AWOL.”

I nod vigorously, internally thanking my best friend for having my back. Jaycee peels my fingers from her forearm, which I didn’t realize I had in a death grip.

“He called yesterday to schedule a reshoot for a scene, but that’s all we talked about. I had no idea he’d been dodging you until Theresa invited me to an impromptu bridal shower.”

The words knock the wind out of me. Hearing someone else say he’s avoiding me sends blood rushing through my cheeks. My heart sounds in my ears, and I pray to the high almighty that Landon isn’t leaving me. He can’t be leaving me, right?

A chink of glass brings all our attentions to Penny at the bar, champagne flute filled to the rim. She sticks her arm straight out to me.

“Drink, chill, and you can Landon-bash later.”

I gulp and clear my froggy throat. “How about we bash him now so I get it out of my system? Then I can love him again for the rest of the night.”

Theresa takes the champagne from Penny and raises it. “Okay, I’ll go first.”

Penny fills three more glasses, and we all grab one and follow Theresa’s lead.

“Landon Wangford, my good friend, please stop hurting my best friend and learn to use a damn phone.”

“Hear, hear,” I say, nodding and moving my gaze to Jaycee, who’s on Theresa’s left.

“And Landon,” she says, “please stop singing on set, especially when you don’t know the words.”

A smile breaks out on my face. I didn’t know he did that, and really, I don’t fault him for it at all.

“Landon Wangford,” Penny says with a sigh. “You need better friends.”

We all raise our eyebrows at her, and she lifts a shoulder.

“What? He does. Seriously, Jace should’ve kicked his ass out the door and told him to go home and sleep with his gorgeous fiancée. Right? Stupid Jace and his stupid ‘I don’t do commitment’ face.”

I press my lips together and just nod. Apparently her grudge has not dissipated over the last six months since Jace broke it off. At least they’re civil when we all get together.

They all turn to me, and I shake my head. “Oh right, my turn.” I straighten my back, hold my flute out, and take a deep breath.

“Landon, you don’t do laundry. You use my conditioner, making the shampoo/conditioner ratio jacked up. You clip your toenails in the living room. You never make the bed. You leave your socks on the floor every day. Every day. Pick up those socks! But I love you, and hell if I can’t stop loving you despite all of those things. So thanks for being irresistible to the point that I can’t even bash on you without remembering why I want to marry you. Damn you and your adorable flaws.”

We all raise our glasses once more before tipping them back to my future husband and all his faults that I can’t help but love him for.

Theresa downs her entire glass and sets it on the bar with a smile.

“Okay…time for games.”

–

Theresa must’ve looked up bridal shower games on the Internet, because I don’t think either of us has attended something like this, but she has us set for the rest of the night. Penny and I end up modeling toilet paper dresses designed by Theresa and Jaycee, we unscramble a bunch of famous couples, play what she called “Purse Brigade,” which is when we win stuff if we have certain items in our pocketbooks. And now we’re getting ready to play, as she so enthusiastically titled it, “Light Up the Lovers.”

“I’m afraid to even ask,” I say through a laugh when she pulls out a giant poster board.

“Rules are simple…I asked Landon questions—”

“When?” I shout, making Penny dump half her champagne in her lap.

“A while ago. How do you think I put this together so fast? I’ve been planning your bridal shower and bachelorette party since the day he slipped that beauty on your finger.”

Theresa tapes the poster board against the wall. There are several colorful cards in the middle, all with a category at the top. Then there are giant pictures on each side, one of me and one of Landon, with a string of Christmas lights dangling down.

“Oh boy…”

Theresa stands back to plug in the lights, which don’t go on.

“Okay,” she says like it’s not supposed to work, “I asked Landon to answer questions all about him. Every question you get right, I’ll twist the bulb and light you up. Every question you get wrong, Landon gets a light.”

“What do I get when I win?” I ask, batting a balloon Jaycee tosses at me.

“A surprise. And bragging rights.” She points at Jaycee and Penny. “These are your lifelines. You can only use them once in each category, so choose wisely.”

Penny tips back her flute and pours another. I better use her fast, before she’s too out of her mind to be of any help.

“Okay,” I say, clapping my hands and rubbing them. “I’m ready.”

“Which one you want?” Theresa points to the cards.

I gaze across the categories, immediately dismissing “Parents, Pets, and Siblings” and going for the less scary “Your Body Is a Wonderland.”

Theresa plucks off the top one with a grin. “Name a scar Landon has in a place that’s usually hidden, and describe how he got it.”

“Wow, getting personal right off the bat,” I say, and Theresa shrugs with a coy grin. “Well, if it’s the one I’m thinking…he has a scar on his inner thigh, really close to his lovely man jewels, and he got it from one of those stand-up roller coasters. Went down the hill and hit the bottom with a delightful pinching. ‘At least it missed the goods,’ ” I say in my “Landon” voice.

Jaycee snorts in a high-pitched laughter, a helium balloon pinched closed between her fingers. Theresa lights up two Christmas lights on my side for using the exact quote Landon used in his answer, and Penny downs another glass of champagne.

Feeling high on my horse, I quickly pick a question from “Living with Your Lover.”

“If your place caught on fire, what are three things Landon would save?”

My horse lowers on its haunches. I’m stumped silly, but I take a guess. “His laptop.” That one has to be on the list. All his footage is on that thing. That and the hard drive. “Oh! His hard drive. And, um…his Beetlejuice cap. It’s his favorite.”

Theresa smiles and clicks on three lights for Landon.

“I didn’t get any?”

“He was actually very romantic for this answer.”

I snort. Landon is rarely romantic in front of anyone else but me. And even then it’s more playful than anything else.

“What were they?”

“You.”

“I didn’t know that was an option!” I laugh.

“The bowling score sheet from the wall.”

I internally sigh. He looks at that thing all the time and says he let me win that night.

Theresa grins at whatever expression is on my face, then says, “And your iPod.”

“My iPod? What a liar!” I laugh. “He hates my music.”

“He said he could see you outside with the bowling scores in one hand, the iPod in the other, and while the place is up in smoke, you’d turn to him and press play on—”

“You are my fire, the one desire,” I sing in a perfect Backstreet Boys impression.

Jaycee puts a hand to her chest and says in her very helium-filled voice, “You two are so adorable…and such losers.”

We laugh, and Theresa lights up one of my lights before crossing the room and taking the champagne bottle from Penny, who was about to pour yet another flute. Penny says, “Hey,” but doesn’t put up too much of a fight.

I go through all the categories, including “Parents, Pets, and Siblings,” extremely happy that most of the questions were about Buster. But Landon and I are pretty much tied on the lights, and I’m a bit disappointed because I should’ve aced this game.

“I can’t believe I don’t know his shoe size!” I shout as Theresa lights another Landon bulb. “And I think he’s totally giving all these loving answers because he’s in trouble.”

“I asked before he was in trouble, remember?” Theresa plucks the last card from the board. “Maybe he’s more romantic than you think.”

“Traitor.”

She wrinkles her nose at me and reads the last question. “What is the thing Landon is looking forward to most about your wedding day?”

“Sex,” I joke, then go to wave my hands at her before she lights Landon up, but she twists one of my bulbs instead.

“You win!”

“He said sex? Really?”

She laughs. “Maybe you’ll win that contest, too.”

I give a half-chuckle, but my chest feels a little twang in it, because I’m not sure if he was joking or serious. All his other answers seemed heartfelt and cute. I’d nearly forgotten I haven’t seen him in three days. Now all I can think is, “Am I just a piece of ass?”

“What?” Penny says, shaking her head at me. “You are way more than a piece of ass.”

There I go thinking out loud again.

Jaycee nods. “Landon is so in love with you. You remember when you visited the set? He had something so far up his rear end that day that Jace and I were ready to walk off, but then you showed up and he was finally tolerable. Couldn’t stop smiling. Jace kept asking him if he’d gotten lucky in the prop room and if we needed to sanitize anything.”

“Gross,” I say, while Penny says, “Stupid Jace.”

Theresa kneels in front of me with a giant present. “Landon loves you. Why else would he be taking himself off the market so young?”

I know it’s meant to make me feel better, but it doesn’t. Theresa’s been supportive, my ear, my cheesecake bud, my wedding dress zipper-upper, my party planner, and one kick-ass MOH, and even though I had a feeling she thought Landon and I are young for this, she never once said it until now.

Theresa lifts the gift up, covering her mouth slightly with its bulk. “Open me,” she says, shaking the contents. I laugh and rip the side open, trying to ignore the ugly twang in my chest. I wish she hadn’t confiscated the alcohol.