Текст книги "Out Of The Blue"
Автор книги: Carina Adams
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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 20 страниц)
My growling response intimidated her, and even though I would never touch her, she slid to the side, giving me room to pass. Then she grabbed her granddaughter and pulled her out of the house.
Molly had dropped into a chair and began shaking, her face filled with emotion. I knelt in front of her, getting eye level. “You okay? She didn’t hurt you, did she?”
After a few minutes, the shaking subsided as she shook her head and mumbled, “I didn’t say anything back. Nate would be so proud of me.”
Not sure what she was talking about, I offered as much comfort as I could, rubbing her back up and down. “They’re outside, she’s not coming back in.”
“She’s calling the cops.”
It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway. “Yeah.”
“She hates me. Even after all this time, she still hates me.” She sounded so surprised that it made my heart hurt. “Why does she hate me so much?”
I’d seen some crazy shit, been in the middle of some wild bar fights, and had more than a few of my friends go head to head. Women are fucking brutal, bringing up the past and flinging that shit like it’s mud. I couldn’t even begin to process what I’d overheard, but I did know that Molly’s past had just come out in the most unpleasant way possible and that she was hurting in a way that I couldn’t fix. I didn’t even know where to start handling this. “I don’t know, babe.”
“I’m sorry you had to see all that.” Molly motioned to the hall behind me. “I’m sorry you had to do that.” She shrugged. “Hell, I’m sorry for everything.”
“Don’t you be sorry, babe. This is not on you.”
Her eyes searched my face. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Standing up for me.” She shrugged. “For being here. I know it’s your job, but thank you anyway.”
Those words hit me like a kick to the stomach. “You think I did that shit ‘cause I work for you?” My hand touched her good cheek, sliding my fingers over the tear-stained flesh and into her hair, pulling her face closer to me. “I’m not here as your employee, Mols. I’m here as your friend. I’ve got your back, remember?” I leaned my forehead against hers. “Whatever bullshit you just heard her say, that’s all it is. Bullshit. Do not take it on.”
My lips moved to hers because comforting her was the only thing I wanted to do. I needed her to understand that she was nothing like the person her hag of a sister had just described. She was…shit, she was everything. Surprisingly, she kissed me back softly before pulling away.
“This really isn’t my home anymore, is it?” She looked around the hall. “I really am all alone.”
“Not true. You’ve got Nate and Lia. You’ve got the band.” Her eyes filled with unshed tears. “And you have me.” I shrugged. “You’re stuck with me, kid. I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Thirteen~ Molly ~
I stared at an old picture of my family, drowning out the noise behind me. This picture, holding all five of us smiling up at the camera, was only one of a few in existence. Anneslee, my oldest sister, was twenty years older than I was—old enough to be my mom if you thought about it. Roxanne was only eleven years older than me, so there were plenty of pictures of the two of us, and plenty of snapshots of my sisters together. Yet my mom only had a few dozen photos of the three of us together. Add in my mom and dad, and we only ever managed to pose together a handful of times.
The one in front of me had been taken a few years after I was born. My parents, dressed in their tacky eighties best, sat with me between them, while my sisters stood behind them, beaming at the camera. We looked so happy. Too bad it was all a lie.
We’d never been happy. We’d pretended, sure. My parents tried. But having three daughters spread so far apart with such varying personalities was hard. I didn’t know the parents they had been to Anneslee. And she didn’t know the parents they had been to me.
It made sense that Anneslee was never around. She was in college by the time I came along, living it up in New York City, and she rarely came home to visit. Daddy always said that she hated country life as much as it hated her. Even now, pushing fifty, she lived in the city, enjoying the freedom single life allowed her. It wasn’t that far of a drive, but to her, our childhood home might as well have been in another galaxy.
Roxy, on the other hand, had never left the area. She didn’t go college, giving up an amazing scholarship and marrying her high school sweetheart, starting a family instead. She was everything I’d never wanted to be—a Suzie homemaker. I didn’t have anything against the women who stayed home for their children. Hell, one day, if I ever were blessed with a family, I’d spend every second I could with my loves until it was time for them to go to school. Roxy, though, did it because she didn’t want to work. Her only adult outlet was the women in her bible study and the families she mingled with after church on Sunday. Ruthie had two big brothers, but she was the family baby. At least, she was the youngest grandchild my family got to know.
I had made choices as a teenager that none of my family agreed with. Decisions that in the darkest part of the night I would rehash over and over, wondering what life would be like now if I’d chosen a different path. I refused to say I regretted the things I’d done, because I would never change things. He was better off with a family who considered him their miracle, not my family who would have considered him a burden or a disgrace. I knew that. Yet sometimes, I would allow myself the torture of wondering how things could be. Didn’t everyone wonder how their lives could be different, though?
I sighed, turning away from the wall of memories and stared out into the dark of the backyard. I could hear my mother in the kitchen, still talking to the Essex County Sheriffs, who had driven out to the house earlier in response to what I’m sure was Roxy’s overly dramatic 911 call. I didn’t want to listen to what she had to say because it didn’t matter. However, every now and then, I heard words like, “family,” and “home.”
Mike spoke in harsh tones on the phone behind me. He’d been on his cell almost nonstop since he’d been interviewed earlier. I didn’t know who he was talking to, and I didn’t care. He was angry, snapping at whoever was on the other end of the line, but part of me was happy he wasn’t yelling at me. I wasn’t sure I could handle it.
He had every right to be pissed. Not only did he have a front row seat to my family drama, but he’d also been hit, kicked, and possibly bitten by my feral sister. Then two annoyed Sheriffs, both who were half Mike’s size, took one look at my face and forced him outside, away from me, where he was treated like he was some sort of dangerous criminal. They kept him out there for almost an hour, saying God knows what, practically stripping our SUV and putting him through the ringer. I was definitely more work than I was worth.
When the blue lights had come flying up the driveway, I’d expected the worst. I’d assumed that they’d escort Mike and me off the property, and that there would be camera crews there to catch my latest misstep. I’d been shocked, however, when my mother stepped forward and told them all that it was her fault, that she’d invited my sister, and that the home was actually mine. They escorted my sister off the property, telling her she was no longer allowed without my permission. That had only made my mother feel worse.
It didn’t matter whose fault it was. We could sit around all day placing blame—I’d come home with no warning, my mom had told my sister I was home, my sister had shown up without an invitation. All that mattered was that it never should have happened.
My sister and I hadn’t spoken in years before tonight, and now, to be honest, I didn’t care if we ever talked again. I hoped we wouldn’t. I loved her, I would always love her; she was my big sister. However, there was too much anger between us. She hated me for things she couldn’t begin to understand, and I resented the fact that someone who should have supported me through the hardest time of my life had decided to make it harder for me instead.
Now, she’d flung open my closet door as wide as it could go, leaving my skeletons lying out in the open for everyone to see. It hadn’t been the time, or the place. Yet the worst part was that she’d done it in front of Mike. That I could not forgive.
I was so lost in thought I never heard him approach, and I jumped when he put his hand on my shoulder. “Mols?”
“I’m fine.” I swallowed, turning my head toward him.
He didn’t say anything for a long moment, eyes roaming my face, watching me closely. They narrowed briefly before he yanked me against him, cradling the back of my neck while he tucked my face into his chest and closed his arms around me. “No, you’re not.” He leaned down, kissing the top of my head, voice muffled by my hair. “But you will be.”
When his hand moved up and down my back, I moved my arms around him, pulling myself closer to his body, hands fisting in his shirt. For a few blessed minutes I forgot about everything: the shitty pictures of me in the tabloids, the rumors about me screwing Nate, the fight at the after party, and even my family bullshit. For a little while, I was at peace, safe in the arms of a man who held me because he wanted to, not because he had to.
Then my mom cleared her throat and I jerked away from him.
“The sheriffs just left.” The woman in front of me was still distraught, wringing her hands, her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry, Georgeanne. I only told her you were here because I thought…”
“It doesn’t matter what you thought.” My tone was harsher than I intended and my mother’s face fell. I shook my head, hoping she’d understand I wasn’t angry with her. “It doesn’t matter now, mom. It happened. It’s over. It’s time to move on.”
“You’re not staying here tonight?”
Before I could speak up and tell her that wasn’t what I meant, Mike moved into me, placing his hand at the small of my back. “We’re not.”
“Where are you going?” Mom’s voice was heavy, full of emotion. “This is your home. You don’t have to leave.”
“We do actually.” Turning to me, he leaned in. “The bags are in the car, Molly. Say goodbye,” he ordered before striding out of the room.
I nodded. The devastated look on her face almost had me arguing with Mike, telling him we were staying at least one more night. I needed to get away, though. “It was nice to see you, Mom.”
“Sunny, please stay.” Her lips twisted. “We didn’t get to visit. You haven’t been home in so long, I thought you’d stay here a while.”
I swallowed against the lump in my throat, my mind racing as I hugged her. “I’ll come back,” I promised. “Next time I’ll let you know I’m coming, and we’ll plan some trips or something.”
“I’d like that.” She nodded, eyes still swimming. Then her face lit up and she turned away. “I have something for you.”
A few minutes later she met me by the front door and shoved a paper bag into my hands. “For the road.”
“Thank you.” I didn’t look, but knew it had to hold some of her homemade yummies. “I love you, Mom.”
She held it together as she gave me the warm, happy smile I’d seen thousands of times as a child. “As I love you, honey.” She leaned in, pressing her lips to my temple. “Have a safe trip, and call me when you get there. Wherever there is.”
The walk to the Suburban felt like it took forever. As soon as I reached Mike, he took the bag out of my hands, held open the door for me, then reached across the seat to buckle me in. I tried to push him away. “I can do that, silly.”
He only smiled at me, clicking the belt into place, before he walked around the front of the car to his door.
I refused to watch the house disappear in the rearview, not knowing when—or if—I’d be back. Neither one of us said a word as he crept down the dirt road, over the bridge, and back through the woods, but we both breathed a sigh of relief when the road was clear. As he turned onto the main road, following the TomTom to whatever destination he had programmed, I stared out the window, lost in thought. When his hand reached for mine, I clung to it as if it was my only lifeline.
*****
“I need a goddamn drink.”
I glanced over at Mike and smirked. “I second that thought. How many bars around here are open on a Sunday night? Ballpark.”
Mike answered my question with a shake of his head, glancing at the GPS. “We’re almost there.”
“Where is ‘there’?” I asked for the first time since we’d left my childhood home. My tension had eased little by little as we put miles between us and the farm, and now I’d started to feel like me again. We’d been driving in relative silence for the last forty-five minutes, not even the radio on to distract us.
“Nikki rented out a couple of cabins on the lake for the band. We’re gonna join ‘em.”
“Oh.” I turned my head back to the window, not sure what else to say. I definitely wasn’t up for company, or the obnoxiousness that came whenever we were all together. He squeezed my fingers gently, but turned down a dirt road with a large PRIVATE DRIVE sign before I could say anything else.
When the house came into view a few minutes later, I wasn’t surprised to see it lit up like runway lights. It was still relatively early, and my music family weren’t the type to go to bed early on their nights off. We got into a routine while on the road, and it really was easier to stay up half the night, even when we didn’t have a show.
What did surprise me was the fact that Mike drove past the house without slowing down. I hadn’t seen anyone I knew, and if three Chevrolet SUV’s, identical to the one we were in, hadn’t been parked in the driveway, I would have assumed that it wasn’t the house my friends were staying in. I turned to watch Mike, but he didn’t spare a glance in my direction.
Another lakeside home, almost identical to the one we’d just passed, came up on the right. This one had a few lights on inside, but it looked tame compared to the first one. There was another matching Suburban parked in this drive, and I assumed Mike was going to pull in. Yet he drove right by.
“Okay.” I chuckled. “I’m intrigued. Where exactly are we going?”
“To our cabin.” Mike nodded his head straight and I turned back toward the front.
“Our cabin?”
“Yeah.” Mike slowed, turning again, this time down a small, well-traveled grass path. “Nik rented out the entire place. It’s a seventeen acre estate—two full sized cabins and the caretaker’s place.”
“The caretaker’s place?” I asked, concerned. “This may seem like a silly question, but don’t caretakers usually stay in the place designated for them?”
He laughed. “It used to be the caretaker’s place. Now the owners rent it out. Nate and Lia were going to stay here, to get away from everyone, but she thought it would be better if we did.” The headlights highlighted a teeny, tiny, itsy bitsy cabin as he spoke. He pulled up to the steps and shut off the engine, leaving the lights on. “Well, that’s not really what I expected.”
I stifled a laugh. I was pretty sure the plastic Little Tykes playhouse that Nate bought his niece Emma for her first birthday was bigger than the building in front of us. Someone had been kind enough to leave a light on inside, but the curtain was drawn so we couldn’t sneak a peek through the little window. I immediately remembered the story Mike had told me about the fort he and Lia had built. “No wonder Lia didn’t want to stay here.”
Mike looked at me for a long moment and then burst out laughing. “Yeah. The fucking brat stuck me in it instead.”
I patted his knee. “Don’t worry, if there are any big, scary raccoons, I’ll protect you.” I opened the door, jumping out, happy to be away from the crowd. I didn’t wait to see if he was behind me, but ran up the wooden steps, pushed open the door, and stopped dead in my tracks.
It may have been smaller than my first tree house, but it was beautiful. It was mostly one large room, with gleaming hardwood floors. To my right there was a wall, sectioning off what I assumed was the bathroom. The rest of the space was all living area, a queen sized bed took up most of the left side, a small leather chair sat next to a dresser outside the bathroom. Across from me were two giant windows flanking an open French door, leading to a screened in porch that looked like it was perched over the magnificent lake.
“Wow.”
Mike came in behind me, stopping beside me. “Yeah, wow.” He turned, taking in the space that resembled a master bedroom. He groaned when he glanced behind us. “Thank fucking Christ for Kelly.”
I turned, smiling when I saw the six pack of my favorite Angry Orchard hard cider sitting next to a six pack of Sam Adams on a bureau. “Thank God for the Kellys,” I agreed, positive it was Lia and not her husband who had left the much needed present. I grabbed the cartons, one in each hand, and turned toward the porch.
I plopped down in one of the two rocking chairs, set the containers on the table between them, and yanked one of my bottles out, trying to twist the top off.
“You’re gonna need this.” Mike’s voice was full of humor as he sat in the other rocker and held up a bottle opener. “Here”—he snatched the drink from my hand—“let me.” He handed it back to me with a smile and I tipped it back, chugging much faster than I should have. “Hey, now. We’re not racing,” he scolded.
I held up my half empty bottle, grinning back. “Lucky for you, ‘cause if we were, I’d be winning.”
His bottle top popped off, and he took a swig. “Little girl, you keep drinking like that and you’ll be in a heap on the floor before you finish your second.”
I stared at him, trying to decide how to respond. “Are you trying to imply you can out drink me?”
He shook his head. “I’m not implying shit. I’m stating fact. We both know you’re a goddamn lightweight.”
“Ha!” I snorted. “Shows you what you know. How much you wanna bet I can out drink you?” Just for show, I downed the rest of my cider.
Mike only shook his head, smirking as he opened a second bottle and held it out to me. We sat in silence, looking out at the moonlit lake. I’d lived in New York over half my life and had never really appreciated the beauty that was this magnificent lake until that moment. The way the water lapped on the shore was hypnotizing. I let myself get lost in the beauty, the peacefulness of the moment completely relaxing me.
Mike’s phone rang, startling me back to the present. He swore under his breath, pulling the smartphone from his pocket. “I’ve gotta take this,” was all he muttered before he stood and strode in to the house.
I tried not to eavesdrop, moving my attention to the porch itself. Star shaped Christmas lights were strung around the tops of the screens, casting a soft, comforting light around the room. The white walls were decorated with a red, white, and blue nautical theme. There was a locked screened door to my left that I assumed led down to the beach. The sound of a speedboat drifted over the water, and I stared at the black lake trying to catch a glimpse of it until Mike came back out.
“Sorry about that. Jake,” he explained with a shrug.
“Just saying goodnight?”
Mike shook his head, staring at the water, avoiding my eyes. “He read some things he shouldn’t have. It upset him.”
My stomach filled with dread. “About you?”
He didn’t respond.
Shit. I took a deep breath. “About me.” I lifted the bottle and downed my second drink. Mike was wrong. There was no way I’d tap out until I made my way through this entire six pack.
Chapter Fourteen
~ Mike~
The way she chugged her drink, she would end the evening with her head in the toilet praying to the porcelain gods. Either that, or with a trip to the emergency room. Neither was how I wanted to spend my night.
“Hey, hey, hey.” I reached out, squeezing her leg gently, just above the knee. “Slow down.”
She didn’t argue, which shocked the shit out of me.
“It’s not a big deal, Mols. The real issue here is that my son was up alone, playing online unsupervised. I understand that some parents let their kids do whatever they want on summer vacation, but Jake has rules that he needs to follow, even if I can’t be there to enforce them. His mother needs to pay attention and parent him.” I sighed, resisting the urge to call Julie up and tell her exactly what a shitty parent I thought she was. “He could have looked anything up and she wouldn’t have known. Or cared.”
A smile tugged at Molly’s lips. “Trying to keep him from the porn?”
I snorted. “Porn? Fuck, having him see a little girl-on-girl action is the least of my worries.”
Mols scrunched up her face in disgust.
“Kids are fucking sneaky, so much more than when we were young. Now they do all kinds of shady shit—from hiding behind a screen and bullying each other to researching the ingredients needed to create the next synthetic drug in the basement. I want to make sure my kid grows up and has a chance in life. I’ll kill someone before I let him join a gang, become a druggie, or do something that would ruin his future.”
Mols only stared at me, a sad look pulling at her features. “You’re a great dad. He’s lucky to have you.”
I shrugged, never sure how to refute that. Truth was, I was a mediocre dad at best, but I’d never stop trying to be better. “I’m the lucky one. He’s a great kid. Best mistake I ever made.”
It was an old joke, one I’d told thousands of times over the years, but didn’t really mean. Yeah, he’d been a surprise and I hadn’t planned on marrying his mom, but Jake was hands down the best thing that had ever happened to me. I don’t know who I’d be without him.
Mols closed her eyes for a second and I was sure she was playing a losing game of wills against the alcohol. “You must think I’m a monster.”
I snapped my back straight, leaning forward slightly. “What? Why in the hell would you think that?”
She shook her head more than once, the alcohol clearly affecting her thought process. “Because you’re the super dad. When you say things like that, that you’d kill someone for him…”
“Because I would.” I interrupted.
“Oh, I have no doubt.” She waved her hand in the air, dismissing everything I’d just said as she set her empty bottle down and grabbed another, popping the top herself and taking a long pull. “You’re the kind of dad who has a wallet full of pictures so he can carry his son everywhere. The one who brags to everyone who will listen about his kid’s achievements. The one who would do whatever it takes to provide for his child. You love that kid with every part of you, Mike, and you would never give him up. So someone like me must disgust you.”
I hadn’t planned to bring it up tonight. Hell, I hadn’t planned on bringing it up ever. I knew we’d have to talk about what I’d learned at some point, but I also knew she’d have to be the one who started that conversation. I just assumed we’d do it later, when we were both sober, but fuck it.
“Not even fucking close, kid.”
Tears filled her eyes and I fought the need to push the damn bottle from her hand and yank her into my arms. Molly didn’t need comforting now, though. She needed to get out the feelings she’d kept buried for a long ass time.
“How can you not? You’d do anything to have your son with you all the time and I gave mine away.”
“Yeah, ‘cause I’m sure it was such an easy choice for you to make.”
She pushed herself out of the chair and walked to the screen, leaning over on the railing and stared out at the water. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. You don’t have a clue. No one does.”
She was right. I couldn’t fathom the idea of handing over my newborn to be raised by someone else. I didn’t trust anyone in the world enough to handle that responsibility. But I did know something about loss. “Tell me then.”
She glanced over her shoulder. “Tell you what?”
“All of it.” I motioned to the porch and the quiet of the night. “It’s just us, Mols. Let it out. Tell me everything.”
She stood quietly for a moment before taking a deep breath. “I don’t know where to start.”
I shrugged, rolling the bottom of my beer around on my leg, never taking my eyes off her. “The beginning is always a good place.”
She glanced down at her hands, then back up at the water visible through the screen, but I had a funny feeling she wasn’t seeing anything but visions of days past. “I was seventeen and my dad had just died when I found out I was four months pregnant,” she started with a sigh, shoving her hands in the back pockets of her jeans and flapping her elbows around nervously.
“I wasn’t a very popular kid in high school; I was the choir geek. My parents owned the farm and I helped out as much as I could. Between that, music classes, and keeping my grades up, I didn’t have time for parties and jocks like most girls did. Plus, you’ve seen my pictures.” Her shoulders arched around her ears as if she was defending her reasons. She didn’t need to defend shit to me, though.
“I was obsessed with this boy Kevin. There was something about him that made everyone pay attention whenever he was around. When he started noticing me back, me, I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. He was funny and smart and edgy and a star soccer player. I wouldn’t have made it through my dad’s death without him.”
She adjusted, holding her arms over her chest. “Instead of running when two little lines showed up on that pregnancy test, he held my hand and promised it was going to be okay. We went to a clinic and they confirmed it. I was too far along to abort the baby, so our options were simple: keep it or give it up for adoption.
“I didn’t have the traditional home, but Kev? He was fucked. His dad was a drunk. A washed-up prick who enjoyed making everyone around him feel inferior. My parents went broke paying my dad’s medical bills, and Kevin’s parents weren’t an option, so adoption it was. We spent hours dreaming up the family we wanted our little one to have, making mental checklists and hoping he or she would have a future neither one of us could even imagine. The first time I felt the baby move, I started having second thoughts.”
I would never forget the first time I felt little feet push against Julie’s belly. That was the second it had become real for me, the moment I knew I was going to be a dad. I instantly felt bad for the lost teenager she’d been.
“I made the mistake of calling Roxy one night, hoping for guidance. She belonged to the same church as Kevin’s parents, so instead of keeping my secret, she told. The next morning, Kevin and his dad showed up at our house, Kev sporting a black eye and a fat lip mind you, his dad demanding that my mother get ‘control of me.’ He said that I would give away his grandbaby over my dead body. I was a dumb kid, pissed off at the world because my dad wasn’t there to stand up for me and because Kevin was being punished for something that wasn’t his fault. So I told him to get off my property. I got in his face, screamed things I can’t remember. And then…he punched me.”
“He did what?” I growled, gripping the brown bottle in my hand so hard I was surprised it didn’t shatter.
She didn’t turn around, but shook her head. “It was a long time ago, Mike.” She sighed again. “It worked out for the best. My mom rushed me to the emergency room, and even though everything was fine, I told them it wasn’t. I told them all I lost the baby. I went home and got into bed, waited until my mom was asleep. Then I ran.
“I knew Anneslee would help me, but I didn’t want her involved. So I went to this church shelter in the city that Kev and I had read about. They took in pregnant teens and matched them with couples who wanted to adopt. I lucked out. Patrick and Kathleen Jones were everything that Kevin and I had wanted for our baby, and they were kind to me. They were perfect.
“I didn’t give a single second thought from the day I met them until I heard him cry for the first time. The other girls at the shelter told me not to hold him, not to even glance in his direction, but I couldn’t do that. I needed to see my baby, just once.” She took another deep breath, and I could hear the emotion cracking in her voice. She was on the verge of tears.
“As soon as the nurse put him in my arms, it was instant. The love I have for him. I almost didn’t go through with it. I held him nonstop for two days, positive that I’d die if I let him go.”
My breath caught and my fingers curled into fists involuntarily. I didn’t recognize my own voice when I finally asked, “You held him?” I was angry that she would torture herself that way. The moment you hold your child for the first time, the world stops turning and you know you’ll do anything for that little being.
She turned, leaning her ass against the half wall, and nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I sat in my hospital bed with him on my lap, refusing to sleep, because I knew if I did, they’d come get him.” Her voice caught, and she swallowed roughly as she swiped her hands roughly across her face. “I just stared at him, talking to him about nothing, telling him that I loved him and that I was sorry. Then, when it was time, I let him go without a fight.” She cleared her throat and her face hardened. “Someone like you could never understand.”
“Someone like me?” I echoed. It was a fucking joke, really. She only nodded. I reached behind me, yanking my billfold out of my pocket. It made a loud ‘thwap’ when I threw it onto the table. “You were right before. My wallet is full of pictures. Pictures of both of my kids.”
Molly’s head snapped up, confusion replacing the anger and sadness. She opened her mouth, but no sounds came out.
“Yeah, kids. As in plural. Two children. If you look in there, you’ll see a man who was helplessly in love with both his son and daughter. For almost four years, I loved that little girl, was everything a dad should be. Then I got hurt, and I had to go away for a little while. When I came back, she was no longer mine. While I was in a fucking desert hellhole on the other side of the goddamn world, my wife had been fucking another man—a married man at that—for years and had gotten knocked up. I fought for a little while, tried to keep my family together, and then one day I gave up.” I snapped my fingers. “Just like that. No explanation, no notice. I just walked away. You gave up a baby. I gave up a little girl who still calls me Daddy and doesn’t understand why I don’t spend any time with her.” My heart constricted as I pictured her face looking up at me as the nurse handed me the little pink bundle minutes after her birth. “You tell me who the fucking monster is, Mols. Because it sure as shit ain’t you.”
