Текст книги "Figment"

Автор книги: Cameron Jace

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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

Chapter 6 6

The Royal Courts of Justice, London

I am sitting among the crowd, wearing a brand-new dress we bought with Margaret Kent's credit card. It's a fantabulous dress I chose with care in Harrods. And I am not planning on spattering it with blood. I will wear it on a date with Jack once the Pillar finishes his absurd joke in the court.

He stands in front of the judges, wearing a lawyer's coat and speaking with impeccable seriousness. The crowd sitting next to me loves him for filing a case against the Queen of England.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," he says. I don't think this is the way you address the court in the British system. But that's the Pillar. And this is my insane world. I am beginning to love it. "I demand you look into the following case: the People versus the Queen of England."

The judges are about to laugh at him, but they act accordingly.

"We, the people of England, demand to know who pays for her nuts?" He raises his hands theatrically and talks with grace, like a nobleman. "We demand to know if she gets her nuts from the taxes we pay."

People in the crowd nod and are about to clap.

"Because I don't remember paying for the Queen's nuts." He winks at the crowd. "To be or nut to be, that is our sincere question. And we demand an answer."

The judge waits until the crowd hisses into a fading quietness and then asks the Pillar to approach the bench.

"I may only approach the bench with my assistant." The Pillar points at me. I blush in my soiree dress.

"Why would you need her to approach the bench with you?" the judge asks.

"I have a hearing problem, and she would be kind in reciting words I mishear," the Pillar says. "You know how words like 'tart' and 'fart' are almost the same."

The judge looks like he is going to sentence the Pillar with a death penalty for insulting his court. But he and his assistant judges cope with him, knowing they will eventually jail him for week or so. To them, the Pillar is a big joke they'd laugh at it with cigars and cognacs in their hand by the end of the week.

I don't want to be in it, though. I want to have my first date with Jack.

"From the way we are having this conversation, I believe you can hear me well," the judge says.

"I can only hear when you're afar. The closer I get to you, I can't hear you," the Pillar says. "It's a new disease. Only discovered a few hours ago."

"All right," the judge puffs, about to scream and pull his wig. "Maybe you two approach the bench."

We do.

"Are you aware of ridiculing the court with your atrocious case?" The judge leans closer with gritting teeth.

"I stand by the people," the Pillar says. "People need to know about their taxes."

"I don't care about you or your people," the judge says. "I will give you a chance to apologize to the court or I will let you proceed with the case and jail you for disrespecting the court by saying the word 'fart.'"

"I said 'tart.'"

"You said 'tart and fart,'" the judge insists.

"I said 'tart and tart.'" The Pillar is pushing the limits. "It would be disrespectful of me to say 'fart' in court."

"You said..." The judge's anger peaks, but he remembers to cool down. "Never mind." He breathes slower. "Have you made up your mind on whether to drop your nonsensical charges?"

"No," the Pillar says. "I insist. And you know what? You will approve of them, and have the Queen of England come to this court and explain herself. And you will not jail me."

"Is that so?" The judge smirks.

The Pillar pulls a few photos out of his pocket and throws them at the bench. I can't see them, but the judge blushes with anger and helplessness.

"This is a picture of your wife running away with an eighteen-year-old Nigerian." The Pillar sorts the photos for him. "This is your son killing a woman with his new car in a hit and run. A case has never been filed. And this is you in your tiger-striped underwear in—"

"Stop," the judge hisses.

"Sorry I couldn't number the negatives." The Pillar flashes his fake smile. "I was in a hurry."

"All right. All right." The judge tucks the photos under the desk, afraid anyone will see them. "You may do as you please. Go back and say whatever you want. I will accept the charges and file a case."

"I love it when the authorities are cooperative," the Pillar says. "One more thing, though."

"What now?" The man is about to have a heart attack.

"We need you to help us book the Fat Duck restaurant tonight," the Pillar says. "Table for two, romantic dinner, extra-nice waiters, and pay it with your own credit card—I mean, my taxes."

"Will be done." The man really wants the Pillar to disappear from the face of the earth.

"And if it's not too much to ask, can we have Sir Elton John play the piano tonight?"

Chapter 6 7

Fat Duck restaurant, London

The best mock turtle soup in the world

Later that night, I am having the date of my life. Jack looks very handsome with his super dimples and extra care for me. The service is amazing and the waiters are super nice to us. And to my surprise, Sir Elton John is playing the piano. He is singing a song called Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters. A man with a peculiar hat on a table nearby raises a cup of tea and greets Sir Elton John for the choosing the song, which turns out to be a real song, not a figment of my imagination. I can’t see the man’s features from here but his table is filled with giggling young girls—I don’t want to even think about who this man is.

We try the fabulous mock turtle soup and love it. Jack says it's going to be our "love soup." Every couple should have a love song, so why not be creative and have a love soup?

Jack wears a nice black suit and looks really handsome in it. He isn't one to really eat with a fork and spoon. Neither am I. But we both play aristocrats for one night.

"I have brought you a gift," Jack says.

"I love gifts." I blush.

"It's an unbirthday gift," he says.

"Unbirthday gift? Like in..."

"Like in the Alice in Wonderland books." He nods. "Everybody gets birthday gifts one day a year, but you can give an unbirthday gift any day. And I want to gift you every day, Alice."

"What is it?" I am excited.

Jack pulls out a small book and places it in the table. "The Nonsensical Art of None Fu," he says. "It's a rare copy. Presumably the only one available in the world."

It's not the kind of gift I was expecting, but I take it. I am sure I need to learn this None Fu for future missions.

"I have made up my mind, Alice," he says. "I know what I want to be."

"What?" I am excited to know.

"An actor," he declares. "I feel I have it in me. Those moments in Drury Lane were eye-opening."

"Speaking of then, how did you escape?" I feel the need to ask.

Jack stops his fork midway to his mouth. First, I think he doesn't want to tell me. But then it's apparent he doesn't remember. The Pillar told me that he wouldn't have answers for certain things like that.

"It's okay," I say, and change the subject. He talks about his love for cards for a while. Although not that romantic, I do listen with care. All that I need is knowing he will be there for me for a long time. It's a good feeling, and a good start.

Then he brings something up.

"I just feel so lost sometimes, Alice," he says. "When I am not with you, sometimes people don't notice me. It's like I am invisible or something. Sometimes I don't remember where I live. Sometimes I don't want to do anything at all. If it weren't for you, I don't know what I'd be living for."

It aches me to death when he says "living."

"What else, Jack?" I hold his hands across the table. He has no idea how good this feels to me. I wonder if we're going to kiss tonight. "Is there something you feel you want to tell me, maybe?"

The Pillar said Jack hasn't left to the other side because he needs to tell me something, that there is one last mission he can't leave without accomplishing.

"There is this one thing I wanted to tell you about..." He hesitates.

"I am listening, Jack. We shouldn't keep things from each other."

"Well." He pulls his hand away, and this time I feel lost. "It's nothing." He waves his hand and cleans his lips with the napkin. "I need to go to the bathroom." He stands up and leaves before his spills the reason for his stay. I don't push him. Whatever he needs to tell me before he leaves forever can wait, so he stays as long as he can with me.

I watch him enter the bathroom.

But I am still curious. What did he want to tell me? Is it fair that he isn't crossing to the other side for me? As much as I want him here, how long should he suffer from feeling lost and sometimes invisible?

I wake up from my thoughts to the Pillar sitting next to me.

"Look at all those people enjoying their food." He points at other customers. "If they only know how precious it is. If they only know that there are people who killed to get them that food."

"Why are you here?" I wipe my mouth with the napkin. "Jack will be back any minute, and I don't want to upset him."

"Hey, Rocket Man!" The Pillar waves at Sir Elton John,  playing the piano and hiding behind his sunglasses. Sir Elton John greats him back with his chin up. It's as if they have been friends since long ago.

"Why are you here, Pillar?" I insist.

"I just remembered a small detail I left out about Jack, and thought you'd better know it."

"Not now," I say. "I am emotionally confused, and Jack will be back any moment."

"That's why you need to know."

"Is it about what he wanted to tell me?"

"I have no idea what Jack wants to tell you or why he refuses to die," the Pillar says. "I only know this: in spite of your utter need to have him around, something no one can blame you for, since we all need love, it's not good for him as much as it's not good for you."

"How so?"

"Every moment Jack spends here, he is opposing the balance of the universe. People are destined to die, and others are destined to be born every day. We have no idea why, and frankly I don't want to know," he says. "So, every day Jack spends with you, he is upsetting the guys on the other side."

Should this explain Jack's confusion and unhappiness when he is alone? "Define 'upset.'"

"The books, and Fabiola, say that in his case he is decreasing his chances for entering heaven," the Pillar says. "Each day for Jack here, he is living in sin, and could end up in hell—literally—for you."

"You don't strike me as believing in God, Professor Pillar."

"I don't," the Pillar says. "But Jack does."

I look at him, puzzled.

"Everyone has their own belief, Alice," the Pillar says. "You believe you're mad, you're mad. If you believe you can walk on the moon, trust me, one day you will. If you believe you're going to hell in favor of helping the one you love, you'll help the one you love...and you will go to hell."

"I don't believe I can be the reason for Jack's hell."

"The one thing that stands up to the insanity of the world is belief." The Pillar is lecturing, as always. "Scientists will say belief is hocus-pocus, but guess what? The insane world is hocus-pocus too. You only fight hocus with pocus."

"But—" No words will express how I feel. I need Jack, but I can't be selfish and do this to him. I am confused and heartbroken, without someone breaking my heart. I don't know what to do. "But what can I do?"

"The only way for Jack to die, against his stubborn wish to stay and be your guardian angel, is if you tell him to his face."

"Tell him that he is dead?"

The Pillar nods and takes a sip of the mock turtle soup. "Delicious turtle," he remarks, enjoying the taste, although I know there are no turtles in this soup. "Very delicious for a creature that slow." He wipes his mouth with my napkin and then checks his watch. Finally, he whispers in my ears, "Let Jack go, Alice." He whispers. "Tell him he is dead and let him go. You killed him once. Killing him again shouldn't be a problem."

The Pillar stands up and leaves. I don't see him do that, but I feel his weight lift off the bank I am sitting on. My eyes are fixed on the bathroom's entrance.

Jack hasn't returned, so I occupy myself with checking his None Fu book. I notice it’s a used copy, borrowed from the Radcliffe Science Library, which is in Oxford University. I open the book and am startled by what I see on the first page. Someone wrote a dedication to me. It says:

Alice,

I found the book you were looking for.

The handwriting is bad and the ink is thin and fading. I don't fully comprehend this, but then I look at the stamp from the library. It indicates the book was borrowed about two years ago, some time before I was admitted to the Radcliffe Lunatic Asylum. I wonder if Jack knew this about the book he gave me.

I turn the page, only to find more writing on the margins. This part is written in pencil.

Something tells me I shouldn’t read it, or at least wait a while.

I raise my head, and I see Jack coming out of the bathroom. He looks like a shining star. The smile on his face could revive me if I were dead. The grace of his walk could save me if I am crippled. His name on my lips could be my prayer against the madness of the world. He just looks so suitable for me, as if we were star crossed. I can’t believe I am asked to let him go.

Jack is approaching me as I sit looking at him with starry eyes filled with moisture. I have no idea what I will do. Will I tell him the truth and lose him, or selfishly lie to him and have him nearby.

I can't let him go, and I can't let him stay. Either way I am cursed.

Afraid that he would read my thoughts through my dilated eyes, I lower my head and peek back into the book to read the note. It says:

P.S. Don’t forget to water my Tiger Lily? Btw, I gave it a thought, and I agree we should take that bus trip you wanted to.

Love, Adam.

 

The End...

Thank You

Thank you for purchasing and downloading this insane book. I’m so happy to share this story with you and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

I know there aren’t many travels and riddles in book 2 like in book 1. I needed to develop the characters more. The next books will have tons of locations, riddles, and mad facts about Lewis Carroll and the world as the story unfolds. I’ve created a special Pinterest page for you, though, where you can see for yourself all the places and riddles Alice and Pillar visited. You can access it HERE

And you could check a few facts in the author’s notes.

Insanity 3 will be released in February 2015, so please stay tuned to my website http://cameronjace.com for more information. If you want to chat with me personally, please LIKE my page on Facebook; I love connecting with all of my readers because without you, none of this would be possible. http://www.facebook.com/camjace

Thank you, for everything.

Author’s Notes:

Like I said, I don’t want to give away all historical and mad facts mentioned in the series, as I plan to use them as plot devices in future books. However, here are a few facts I was asked to mention by readers who received advance copies:

1) Addresses and locations used in the series are all real, including the Fat Duck restaurant and its famous mock turtle soup—even the Kattenstoet festival is real; check the Pinterest page.

2) Fat Duck restaurant is owned by Gordon Ramsay, famously known for Hell’s Kitchen TV series. Not our Gorgon Ramstein/Muffin Man/Cook in the book.

3) Einstein’s room in Oxford University is real, and it was Lewis Carroll’s studio two centuries ago. As for Einstein’s Blackboard, it can only be found in the Museum of the History of Science in Oxford. I have no idea if it can time travel, but wouldn’t be cool if it does?

4) Lewis obsession with poor Victorian children, especially girls, is true. It shows in his photography, which will play a crucial role in future plots. They are maddeningly interesting, dark, and very mysterious if you take a look at them.

5) According to my research, particularly a few BBC documentaries, legal controversy about the double bar chocolates is true. I am sure the food companies didn’t kill the Muffin Man’s family, though. Lol. But the debate is there, and not a figment of my imagination.

6) The Iain West Forensic Suite, an extension to the Westminster Public Mortuary in London is also true. It’s high tech and was developed by the government for intricate investigations.

7) Lewis wrote the Queen of Hearts alluding to Queen Victoria. There is a lot of research that supports the fact. Alice in Wonderland isn’t just a children’s book filled with amusing mathematical facts, play on words, and nonsensical arguments. It’s also a political satire concerning the Victorian era.

8) Last but not least, the Queen of England’s case about her nuts did happen in real life. You can Google it and get the details. However, there isn’t the slightest intention to offend anyone with the possibility of her being the Queen of Hearts. (so far, we can’t really tell if she is. Further explanations will take place in book 3.) The way most of this series is written I try to stay true to Lewis Carroll’s work in its context. If the Queen of Hearts was alluding to Queen Victoria, then in a modern fictional adaptation it could be the Queen of England (which again, we aren’t really sure about yet.)

Thanks again for being mad.

Cameron.

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About the Author

Cameron Jace is bestselling author of the Grimm Diaries series and Insanity. A graduate of the college of Architecture, collector of out-of-print books, and is obsessed with the origins of folk tales and the mysterious storytellers who spread them. Three of his books made Amazon's Top 100 Customer Favorites in Kindle 2013 & Amazon's Top 100 kindle list. Cameron lives in California with his girlfriend. When he isn't writing or collecting books, he is playing music.