Текст книги "Spin"

Автор книги: C. D. Reiss

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Текущая страница: 3 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

six.

"They’ll send a priest if you want to see one,” I said, sitting by Deirdre’s bed.

“I don’t need counseling.” My sister looked flush and healthy and energetic, despite being waist-deep in sheets. Nothing like a mainline of B vitamins to bring a woman to the peak of health.

“They can’t release you without it. And I’m sorry, but I agree with the policy. You could have died.”

“I’m a grown woman.” She threw off her sheets, exposing a blue hospital gown that matched my scrubs.

I put my hand on her shoulder. “Dee, please. I’ve got your vomit all over my clothes. We can get Dr. Weinstein back if you want.”

She tucked one curly red lock behind her ear, where it would stay for three seconds before bouncing in front of her eyes again. “I want to go to work.”

“You need a break from that job. It’s turning you into a grouch.”

“I can’t do anything else,” she said. “I don’t know how.”

One of the downsides of being incredibly wealthy was the ease with which one could go through life without marketable skills. The only ability she’d developed was compassion for people who didn’t have what she had and contempt for those who did. Self-loathing went deep, a trademark Drazen trait.

“There’s a trade school around the corner,” I said. “You could learn to fix cars.”

“You think Daddy would buy me a shop in Beverly Hills?”

“Anything to get you out of social work. Heck, I’d buy you a shop.”

She put her face in her hands. “I want to do God’s work.”

I held her wrists. “God didn’t build you to see what you see every day. You’re too sensitive.”

She took her hands away from her face. “Can you go to that thing with Jon tonight? At the museum? I don’t think I can take it.”

Jonathan was only seen in public with his sisters in the hope of drawing back his ex-wife.

“If you give the counselor one hundred percent, I’ll go.”

She leaned back in the bed. “Fine.”

“Thank you.”

“You smell like a puke factory.”

I kissed her head and put my arms around my crazy, delicate sister.

seven.

Katrina was in the waiting room, sleeping on her binder and drooling on the breakdown script for the next day.

I sat by her head and put my hand on her shoulder. I felt guilty for calling her while she was in production, and I felt lonely for needing her so badly. “Come on, Directrix. I’m driving.”

“Five minutes, Mom,” she whispered.

By the time Katrina dropped me at Frontage, my little BMW was the only car in the lot, and condensation left a polka dot pattern on my windshield. It was a 1967 GT Cabrio with chrome detailing that wasn’t happy about water drying on it. I shouldn’t have bought it. The car was a death trap. But Daniel had gone to the automotive museum’s auction to show his face, and I’d walked out with what he called LBT, the Little Blue Tink. He’d been annoyed, but I’d fallen in love.

I wasn’t ready to end the night. Though the rising sun would end it for me, I wasn’t ready to process it. It was almost six in the morning, and my brother never slept, so I called him.

“Hey, Jon,” I said. “I saw your singer last night.”

“I heard.”

I could tell by his sotto voice and cryptic words that he wasn’t alone. “You want the good news or the bad news?”

“Bad.”

“Everything’s fine, before you panic.”

“Okay, I’m not panicked.”

“Deirdre again.”

“Ah,” he said.

“And I didn’t just pour her into bed. She had to be hospitalized. Nothing a few B vitamins couldn’t fix, but honestly, I think she has a real problem. I saw her have two drinks, but she had a flask and she went to the bathroom, I don’t know, fourteen times.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“Not by much. So I’m coming with you tonight.”

“Fine.”

“Can I be honest?” I didn’t wait for his answer. “I think your perpetual availability isn’t helping draw Jessica back.”

“Very mature, Theresa. Very mature.”

“Take a real woman, Jon. Stop being a patsy.”

I never spoke like that to my brother or anyone. I rarely gave advice or told anyone to change, but I was tired, physically and emotionally. I hung up without saying good-bye. I had to get Katrina home and get ready for work.

eight.

 I got to my office, where Pam waited for me. My assistant had neon pink hair in a 1940’s style chignon, pierced nose and brow, and smart suit; a story of contradictions she called psychabilly. I hadn’t heard of it before or since, but when her boyfriend showed up looking like Buddy Holly with tattoos, I got the aesthetic.

“You look wrung out,” she said, as if wrung out was a compliment.

I’d cleaned up as much as I could, but make up could only achieve so much. “Thanks. I was sober for the whole thing. Did the late list come through?”

“It’s printing. Arnie wants to see you,” Pam said as she tapped on her keyboard. She chronically tapped out beats on the table and her knees.

“Did you get a new piercing?” I touched my forehead.

“Like it?” She waggled her brows and handed me a folder with the day’s check reports. “Bobby got one on his... you know.” She pointed downward.

I couldn’t imagine what kind of face I made. Something broadcasting distaste and empathy, probably.

“It’s hot,” she whispered. “And for my pleasure.”

“Grotesque, thank you.”

“The DA’s been calling you.” Pam had started calling Daniel “The DA,” since he was the district attorney, when we broke up. She said uttering his name made her sick, and though I told her I could fight my own battles, she’d never said his name again.

“What’s he want?” I said around the lump in my throat.

“Lunch. I said you were busy.”

“Set it up.”

She looked at me over her rhinestone frames.

“I can handle it. Get us into the commissary,” I said.

No one in the WDE commissary even bothered glancing at a mayoral candidate, or the mayor, or anyone for that matter. Everyone there worked in the business, so everyone had an important job. To approach someone in the commissary meant you didn’t have access to them elsewhere. No one would admit they weren’t cool enough to get a meeting with Brad Pitt. Too bad the food there tasted like cheap wedding fare.

“Your Monday three o’clock’s been cancelled,” Pam said.

“What? Frances?”

“Frances doesn’t have the clearance to cancel a meeting for you.” She pointed at a little double red flag on the time block. “Only Arnie’s girl does.”

I checked my watch. “I’m going to see him. Hold down the fort.”

“Held. I’ll set up the lunch.”

I left her wrinkling her nose while she dialed Daniel’s number.

* * *

In Los Angeles, windows separated the dogs from the bitches.

Not my saying. My sister Margie said it, and when I told Pam, she believed it so ardently she repeated it regularly. When I was moved to the only office in accounting with a window, she called me a newly minted dog.

Once.

“Oh, Ms. Drazen, you know it’s a compliment.”

“No one should ever repeat anything my sister says. She’s out of her mind.”

That one window, which took up only half the room—while all the other executives had full walls of Los Angeles behind them—could have meant the world to so many. To me, it didn’t change a thing. I’d been born into four generations’ worth of money. I had a job because I wanted one, which meant I could leave at any time. My value wasn’t in my loyalty, but in my skill, which I’d take with me if I left.

The two walls of windows in Arnie Sanderson’s office sat at right angles. Across from the north window was a twelve-foot-high mahogany shelving unit that housed antique tools of the agent’s trade. Typewriter. Approval stamp. Cufflinks. Crystal decanter and glasses. Photos of agents gladhanding household names. The only things missing were a collection of super-white dental caps and rolled up hundred-dollar bills coated with cocaine residue.

“Theresa,” he said when I came in. His jacket pulled at the gut, even though it was custom made, and his tie was held by a gold bar so out of style, it would be back in style in six months. “You all right?”

I assumed he was referring to the dark circles that screamed late night out. “Gene took some of us to see an act last night.”

“Ah, Gene. I’m sure the bill will be of magnificent proportions. Sit.” His smile, which sparkled from his white teeth to his eyes, was the product of decades of asking for things and getting them.

I sat on the leather couch. “It’s nice to see you.”

Actually, it wasn’t. Being invited to his office meant something was wrong, especially in light of my three o’clock Monday meeting’s cancellation.

“Can I get you something? Water? A drink? Hair of the dog?”

Only half the staff came in half sober on Fridays. It was the life. As if proving my unmade point, he poured himself a drink as amber as a pill bottle.

“I’m fine.”

“I hear you’re on Katrina’s set. Michael’s movie,” he said.

Agents and producers called talent by their first name whether they’d ever pressed flesh with them or not. Arnie, of course, was one of the few who’d actually earned the right that everyone else took for granted.

“Script supervising in off hours. It’s fun.”

“I imagine you’d be good at continuity. And you picked the one director we represent who’s a walking time bomb.”

“She’s my friend.” I was suddenly, inexplicably, unusually nervous, as if he could see right through me.

He sat across from me and crossed his legs, an odd gesture for a man. “She’s dangerous. She has entitlement issues. After that lawsuit with Overland, she’s poison, to be honest. Be careful.”

“Have you ever known me to be anything but careful?”

“You are famously vigilant.” He smiled, but it was reserved. He really didn’t want me working with Katrina; it was all over his face. “I wanted to thank you for getting so many of our clients off paper. Saves man hours and money. They love us for it.”

“It’s what you hired me to do.”

“Everything’s running so smoothly, I thought you might have a little time on your hands?”

“I still have to run the department,” I said. “But if you had something in mind, I’m open to it.”

“Well, it’s irregular, if you will.”

“I’m not much of a pole dancer.”

He laughed gently. “Well, as that wasn’t on your resume, I’m sure we can overlook it.” He sipped his drink. “We rep a kid right out of USC. Matt Conway. You may have heard of him?”

“Oscar for best short last year.”

“Nice kid. Shooting a little movie on the Apogee lot. They have some nice European sets over there. Mountains in the back, the whole thing.”

“I’ve seen it,” I said.

“He rented a dozen or so vintage cars. The little stupid boxy things with the long license plates. Well, the company that owns the cars has audit privileges, in case anything going wrong. It’s irregular, like I said, but they’re exercising the right, and they insisted the head of our accounting department do it. I thought they meant our internal accounting, but they meant you.”

“Me?”

“Normally, I’d tell them to go pound sand, but this isn’t some prop company. There are powerful people involved, and if I say no, the phone’s going to start ringing.”

“What am I looking for?”

“He’ll tell you,” he said.

“I have a department to run.”

“Is that a no?”

“It’s just a statement of fact.”

“Good. We have a gentleman from the fleet rental and a representative from the studio coming at three, Monday.”

Three o’clock. Of course. Arnie hadn’t taken no for an answer in thirty years.

* * *

Daniel had been to the commissary before, on bank holidays when he had off and everyone in Hollywood worked. So when I got there, he was comfortably tapping on his phone, left alone for an hour during a tight campaign. Seeing him work the device tightened my chest. I’d thrown his last phone in the toilet.

“Hi,” I said, sitting down and putting the linen napkin on my lap.

He pocketed his phone and smiled at me. “Thanks for seeing me.”

I nodded, casting my eyes down. When would I stop playing the injured party? Why did I fall into victimhood so easily?

And why did he fall into the role of evildoer without so much as a blink? His hunched pose, something his handlers had trained out of him a year ago, returned. That lock of light hair, the one he used to brush away in a move the cameras hated, dropped in front of his forehead. I saw the effort he expended to not move it. I saw the extra tightness in his fingers as they wove together in front of him. I saw everything, and when I would have made an effort to relax him before, I just felt a thread of satisfaction.

I hated our dance. It made me sick. But I didn’t know how to stop the music because I still loved him. The man who let me arrange the house any way I wanted, who laughed at my stupid jokes, who rubbed lube on me when I wasn’t working right. The man who made such good but failed efforts to get me to orgasm with his fingers or his dick in me.

“How’s Deirdre?” he asked then continued when I tilted my head. “One of the admins saw a Drazen admitted and called me. She thought it was you.”

“Is that even legal?”

He shrugged. “I know people. It’s my job. Is she okay or not?”

“She’s fine.”

I’d ordered our food ahead of time, and it came to our table in wide-rimmed white dishes that would go out of style at the turn of the next century.

“How have you been?” He shuffled his food around with the heavy silver fork. Because of his childhood impoverishment, he ate as quickly and cleanly as a steamshovel on amphetamines, so he only ate when his company was distracted by conversation.

“Fine, thank you. I’m script supervising for Katrina when I can, so I’m a little tired. But it’s fun. She got Michael Greenwich for the lead, and he’s been incredible. On the strength of his performance alone, she’s hoping to get distribution.”

He huffed. “I’m surprised anyone wants to deal with her after the lawsuit.”

“Yes, she’s just another uppity woman asking for what she’s due.”

“You know I don’t mean it like that, Tink.”

I stopped chewing. He wasn’t supposed to call me that anymore. I looked out the window. “One day, we’re going to get over this,” I said, looking again at the man I loved. “Until then, let’s avoid the small talk.”

He cleared his throat. “The thing with us, it hurt me. My numbers. Especially on the east side, where they’re really conservative.”

“Yes, I know.” God, the ice in my voice. It felt like someone else was talking. I could will myself quiet. I could will myself honest. But I couldn’t will myself warm.

“I don’t want you to think I’m just talking about what happened like it’s all about me and the campaign, okay? But that’s the business of the lunch. If you want to talk about it on a more personal level, I’m happy to.”

“You’re fine. I get it. Go on.”

“I have a Catholic Charities thing Thursday,” he said.

“Okay.”

“They’re supporting me because I’m not sitting still on income inequality, but the thing with us—”

“And Clarice.”

“And Clarice—who is gone—was a sticking point. They almost pulled out. So I’m here to ask for a symbolic gesture from you.”

“Of?” I asked, but I knew what it was.

“Of forgiveness. Christian forgiveness that’ll play with the San Gabriel Valley. Your family is a big diocesan donor. It won’t go unnoticed.”

“What does this symbolic gesture of Christian forgiveness entail?”

“If you could attend the fundraiser and stand by me.” He held up his hand as if warding off an objection I hadn’t yet made. “Not as my fiancée, obviously, but as a supporter. As someone whose priorities are my own.”

I chewed. Swallowed. Sipped water. I knew I’d agree, but I didn’t want to throw myself at his feet. He didn’t deserve it. Or I didn’t.

I’d heard a lot about what Daniel deserved. I’d heard that he was a worthless scumbag, and I’d heard promises to make his life in the mayor’s mansion a living hell. Those promises meant nothing to me. No one would hurt Daniel over infidelity. In five years, it would be forgotten. So I’d kept my venom to myself in public, and I released it around my family and Katrina.

But something came into my mind—a vision of Antonio beating Daniel’s head against a car. I smelled the blood and heard the crack of his nose as it broke from the impact. I imagined a tooth clacking across the metal, his contorted face as he said he was sorry, and Antonio and I partnering over the difference between his regret and his remorse.

“Why are you smiling?” he asked.

I changed the subject. “We decided the public appearances weren’t working.”

“And normally, I’d think it would just remind everyone of my weakness. But in this case, if people see you forgiving, they might follow. I can’t win unless I do something.”

I leaned back, appetite gone. “I can see the op ed pieces now. Another political wife forgives her overambitious man’s failings with other women. Judge her. Don’t judge her. She’s a feminist. She’s the anti-feminist. She’s a symbol for all of us. None of that falls on you. It’s all on me.”

“I know.”

“You are so lucky I don’t want Bruce Drummond in office.”

The air went out of him. He didn’t move, but I saw the slight shift of his shoulders and the release of tension in his jaw. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“We’ll figure something out.”

“I’d still marry you if you’d have me back.”

“Daniel, really—”

He leaned forward as if propelled. “Hear me out. Not as the maybe mayor. As me. Dan. The guy you taught how to walk straight. The guy who bit his nails. That guy’s going to be seventy years old one day, and he’s going to regret what he did. I want you back. After this campaign, win or lose, let me love you again.”

Joy, terror, shock, sadness all fought for my next words. None of them won the race to get from my brain to my mouth.

“I swore I wouldn’t do what I just did,” he said. “But I miss you. I can’t hold it in anymore.”

My words came out with no emotion in them. “I’m not ready.”

“I’ll wait for you, Tink. I’ll wait forever.”

I didn’t respond because I couldn’t imagine myself being ready, and I couldn’t imagine committing myself to anyone else.

nine.

On Monday, I had twenty minutes before my meeting with the fleet guy and the studio rep, exactly enough time to get briefed by Pam.

“Studio’s sending a courier,” she said, leaning into the screen. “They said you could handle it.”

“Wow,” I interjected, “they don’t even pretend to care.”

Pam dropped her voice to nearly inaudible. “Rumor is Matt got the cash for his short from a Hollywood loan shark, and Overland covered the note to the tune of way too much. So if there’s a bus coming, he might get thrown under it.”

“They need to get their own accountants to do their dirty work. They have the best of the best.”

She slipped her rhinestone horn-rimmed glasses halfway down her nose and looked at me over them. “What do you think you are?”

“Adequate, since you asked.”

She shook her head and went back to work. I cleared my desk of a few million in incidentals before going to the conference room to do Arnie his favor.

* * *

The conference room was huge, set into the office’s bottom floor. Two sides were glass, looking over the reception area, and the other two walls were glass, looking out onto Wilshire Boulevard. It was designed for big faces to be seen together by the rest of the agency and by whomever was waiting in reception. Appointments might be based around making sure Mr. Twenty-Million-Dollar-A-Picture Actor was seen shaking hands with Mr. Academy-Award-Winning-Director in front of Ms. Top-Agent just as Ms. Actress-Who-Refused-The-Nude-Scene waited for an appointment. Like everything in the entertainment industry, it was maximum drama, maximum visibility.

Every time I went into that particular conference room, I checked the smoothness of my stockings, the lay of my hair, the seams between my teeth, even when I was just meeting a messenger to pass over audit materials. What used to arrive in a banker’s box of paper and ledgers and folders now came in the form of a flash drive and a manila envelope with a few summary sheets, which were useless. They were delivered by a short man in shorts, sneakers, and a flat cap. Matt’s line producer.

“I’m Ed, nice to meet you,” he said as he shook my hand and slid the hard drive and envelope onto the table.

“Nice to meet you too. What do we have here?”

“Everything up to the minute for the whole production. Hope you can help with this. It was kind of unexpected.”

I was about to respond and open the summary schedules so I could ask intelligent questions. Then I was going to finish my work and pick up dinner. I was feeling a turkey sandwich, salad, and bottle of water.

But that got shot out the window in a storm of hormone shrapnel when I saw Arnie coming through reception with a man in a dark suit named Antonio Spinelli. They were talking, but through the window, I saw Antonio’s eyes flick up at me and a smile stretch across his face. I frowned when Arnie opened the door to the conference room.

“Ms. Drazen,” he said cheerfully, “how is the handoff going?”

I slid the papers from the envelope just to distract myself, but my hands shook with rage or nerves. Possibly both.

“Just got here,” said Ed.

“This is Mr. Spinelli,” Arnie said in full agent-smarm. “He rents exotic cars to the business.”

“I know,” I said, cutting off my boss in a way I never would. I immediately caught my faux pas and held out my hand. “We’ve met.”

“Ms. Drazen.” He took my hand, and I felt tingling heat between my legs. “I wanted to say hello before you started.”

“Hello,” I said flatly, releasing his hand but not his gaze, which seemed just as physical.

“Great,” Arnie said. “I’m heading into a meeting.” He shook Ed’s hand, nodded to Antonio, and left.

When the glass door clicked behind him, I spoke. “We’ve got it from here, Ed.” I shot him a look. We were on the same side. I was watching out for him.

As if he understood, he nodded. “Later.” Ed tipped his cap and left.

Only the pull of the air between Antonio and me remained.

“This is flattering,” I said, “but it’s not going to work.”

“You can’t prove they didn’t take care of the cars?”

“Oh, you name it, I can prove it.”

“Good, I wanted the best.”

“You got me instead, but that doesn’t mean you’ve got me.”

“So you say.”

I tried not to smile. That would only encourage him. The last thing the arrogant ass needed was encouragement. “I won’t deny I’m attracted to you. I’m sure I’m not the first. But I’m not a conquest. I don’t like being chased, especially not through the offices of WDE. This is my job, Mr. Spinelli, not a mousehole. You can’t stick your paw in and hope to catch me. I don’t care to mix business with displeasure. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

I reached for the flash drive and envelope, and he stood in my way, getting close enough for me to catch the forested smell of his cologne.

“I could kiss you right now,” he said.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

The windows suddenly felt like cameras. I felt the presence of everyone’s eyes as if they were pressure on my skin.

“I will. And you might push me away, but not before you kiss me back. You know it. I know it. And everyone else in this office is going to know it,” he said.

“Don’t.”

“See me then. Let me take you out Thursday night.”

I was relieved. That was the perfect out. “I have plans on Thursday.”

“Cancel them.”

“I can’t. It’s a fundraiser.”

“Catholic Charities?” He raised an eyebrow. If it was at all possible for him to look sexier, he did.

“Yes.” I stood straight. I didn’t want to have to explain it, but I had a compulsion to excuse myself I had to quell.

“Good.” He stood straight. “I was invited to that. We’ll go together.”

“No!”

“So we should see each other another time, then?”

Of course not. We should be together some other never. But I hesitated, and that was my mistake.

“I think I should see you before the fundraiser,” he said, “because I want to go with you and show Daniel Brower what he’s missing.”

“You going to take him out to the parking lot and beat him up for me?”

“He deserves far worse.”

Knowing better than to encourage him, I held up my chin. “I’ll decide what he deserves. Thank you, though.”

“Good. I’ll pick you up Wednesday at eight.”

“I’m busy.”

“I’ll have to kiss you now then.” He stepped forward.

I swallowed because his lips, a step closer to mine, were full and satiny, and more than anything, my mouth wanted to feel them.

“Follow me please,” I said like an automaton.

I brushed past him without waiting for a response, walking out the door and down the hall with the manila envelope in my arm. I nodded to my associates and knew he was behind me from the sense of movement and heat at my back. I slipped into a windowless, empty conference room and closed the door when he entered.

“Mister Spinelli—”

On the way to the closed office, I’d prepared a short speech about respecting my boundaries, but I swallowed every word when those satin lips fell on mine. His kiss was a study in paying attention, reacting to me as I reacted to him with increasing intensity. When his tongue touched mine, I lost myself in desire. His hands stayed on my neck, and I became aware of their power and gentleness.

When I put my hands on him, he moved closer, and with a brush on my thigh, I felt his erection. Oh, to be anywhere else. To explore that rigid dick, to feel it in me while those lips hovered over mine. My legs could barely hold me up when he kissed my neck.

“Wednesday,” he whispered, the warmth of his breath and timbre of his voice as arousing as the touch of his lips.

“You don’t really care about the cars.”

“No, I don’t.”

“I’m not making it up. I told my friend I’d be on her set after work Wednesday. I can’t ditch her. Friday. We can do Friday.”

“I accept the spirit of your agreement.”

He reached behind me and turned the doorknob. I put my hair in place and thought cold thoughts. He left, and I watched him stride down the carpeted hall. I didn’t move until he was out the office door. I couldn’t believe he left it like that, without setting up a definite time and place for me to be flat on my back. I felt ill at ease as I scooped up the audit materials and headed back to my little window in my little office in my little corner of the Hollywood system.