Текст книги "Raw"

Автор книги: Belle Aurora

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Closing my eyes, I listen to his steady breathing as he sleeps.

My last thought before I fall asleep is, “He came back.”

The next morning, Twitch isn’t there when I wake. Again. But it doesn’t bother me as much.

I’m thinking less and less about that night, and more about my hero.

My distant hero.

I find myself purposefully making my way to the park for lunch in hopes of seeing him. And today, I do see him. My spine tingles in recognition, I lift my head, and there he is.

Today is unlike other days. It is unlike other days, because his hood is down.

When I smile and lift my hand in a wave, I feel like slapping my forehead with my palm. Embarrassed, I lower my hand quickly and watch as he turns and walks away.

I don’t miss the smile he tries to keep hidden.

Biting my lip to hold in my own escaping smile, I lift my face to the sun, and once again, take in its light.

Roused from my sleep, I enter the world of consciousness. Snuggling into something warm, I breathe deeply. And smell him.

I love his smell.

Nuzzling into the crook of his neck, I feel him move, then hesitate. I steady my breathing and place my hand on his tee-covered chest. Still, he hesitates. Feigning sleep, I lift my leg over his and feel his body shake in silent chuckles.

I want his arms to come around me. I want him to hold me tight. I silently wish for him to make a move.

But he doesn’t.

He rumbles, “Get back to sleep.”

No longer able to conceal my grin, I whisper into his neck, “Sweet dreams, Twitch.”

My eyes flutter and I lose my battle to stay awake, just to memorize the feel of his body against mine.

Three days have passed, and every day this week has had the same routine. This is great for me because there’s security in predictability. I feel safer and am less jumpy. My day’s routine goes something like this:

*Wake up alone.

*Feel Twitch watching me at lunch. Sometimes catch him. Sometimes don’t.

*Make my way home, where I have a slight freak out in the unit parking lot.

*Go to bed alone. Wake during the night wrapped around Twitch.

Which is where I’m at now.

Wrapped around Twitch.

Tonight is a little different though. Tonight, he’s ventured under the covers with me and removed his tee.

My head rests on his bare chest, my arm wrapping around him much like I’d hug a teddy bear, my leg draping over him, trapping the both of his. Feeling me wake, his arm snakes around my back. Trailing his fingers across my shoulder, he asks quietly, “You good?”

I take a moment to think about that. Am I good?

Considering that my private area is tingling, and my nipples are so taut they could cut through glass, I’d say yes.

Rubbing my cheek along his pec, I breathe him in and reply on a soft exhale, “Yeah.”

His fingers still at my back; he loosens his hold on me and utters sleepily, “Sleep.”

Taking a second to give him a tight squeeze, I relax and exhale.

Twitch doesn’t say much. He doesn’t need to. You know that saying actions speak louder than words? His actions are speaking for him. And I like what they’re saying.

I wonder if he’ll let me keep him.

Today has officially became a rewind day.

You know those days that are so tiring and draining; the type of day where everything annoys you and no one can say a right thing to you? My day has been one of those.

Why a rewind day?

Because you wish you could hit rewind and start it over in a much better way.

It all started last night. I had spent a little more time getting ready for bed. I shaved my legs, moisturised, and wore a plain but short nightie instead of my regular Elmo pajama combo. I made sure I sprayed myself with deodorant and perfume, and made sure my hair wasn’t too unruly. Once I deemed myself kissable, I checked myself in the mirror one last time before sliding under the covers, making sure to show enough skin to look enticing to a certain someone I was beginning to have a major attraction to.

I mean, the attraction was there from the first time he lowered his hood, but as of the last few days, that attraction has quadrupled.

And I was going to do something about it.

I went to sleep thinking that this night would be the night we connected. Emotionally and physically. And I was looking forward to it.

There was one little hitch in my plan.

Twitch never came.

I woke in the morning alone. I lifted my head to find the opposite side of my bed untouched.

And it hurt. I was irrationally hurt.

My chest ached, and somewhere deep in my gut, I knew our time together was finished.

Which brings us to today’s bad day. I’m sure my lips are in a perpetual state of pout, while my brow is stuck in the state of furrow. I must look like a ten-year-old who has been told she can’t have any candy.

Which sucks, because I want candy. I would’ve done anything to have candy. I want candy to make me scream his name as we coupled for the first time.

I want the damn candy. I want to catalogue and alphabetize all the beautiful tattoo’s I have seen, and those that I haven’t. I feel connected to him in a way I can’t explain. He makes me feel safe from everything. From everyone. Deep inside of me, I know he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me.

He just wouldn’t.

And now the candy is gone. Just when I needed a sugar rush.

Figures.

Leaning back in my office chair with a sigh I hope time has mercy on me and passes quickly.

Otherwise, I might just go insane.

Feeling a prickling sensation on the back of my neck, I wake with a start.

Lifting my head from my pillow, I sit up and watch the large shadow walk away from me.

And my heart sinks.

“Twitch?”

Stopping mid-step, he turns and slowly walks back to my bedroom door. My eyes adjust to the dark and I watch him as he watches me. I whisper, “You didn’t come back.”

Fully awake now, I realize how pathetic I must sound, all but begging my stalker-slash-protector to sleep with me forever and ever.

He searches my face in the dim light for a long moment. He asks roughly, “You need my help sleeping?”

Shit. 

The way he said that indicated there will be no sleeping if I say yes.

My voice strains. “Yes.”

My nipples become taut under his watchful eye, and he almost takes a step forward, but holds himself back. Reaching into his pocket, he takes some candy and throws them in his mouth. Sucking on them, he says gently but firmly, “There’s only one way I fuck.”

The words are so crude that my lips part and I huff in an unsteady breath.

He takes a step forward, his eyes never leaving mine. “Dirty.” Watching my reaction, he adds, “And this type of dirty...” He breathes deep and says on an exhale, “…it doesn’t wash off.”

Say goodnight and forget this ever happened.

I stutter through my whisper, “Sh-show me.”

You’ve lost your damn mind.

His brown eyes crinkle as his brow bunches, clearly not expecting that reply. “I don’t think you know what you’re sayin’.” I swallow hard and he leans a hip on my dresser and explains, “You start this and change your mind, I won’t stop. Stop, when I’m fucking, means a very different thing. Last thing I need is a woman crying rape.”

Closing my eyes, I hope my shiver isn’t visible. Forcing my eyes open, I say quietly, “I want it.”

Standing straight, his expression turns indifferent. “Beg.”

Oh God, what? Seriously? Tell him to leave!

“Please.” I say this so quietly, the wind outside sounds over it.

I’m so ashamed of myself for wanting this. His brand of sex comes with a warning label. That should make me want to run in the opposite direction.

He slowly places his hands into the pockets of his pants, shaking his head. “No, Alexa. Not good enough.” Then he turns and walks out of my room.

Sitting in my bed, my face flushes the brightest of pinks.

Did I seriously just get rejected by my stalker? What the fuck?

My body, not taking no for an answer, jumps up out of bed and runs down the hall, meeting Twitch at the door. Just as he opens it, I slam it shut.

My scowl must be fierce because his brows rise. As he takes in my expression, I bark out, “You can’t do that, Twitch. That’s an asshole move! You didn’t even give me a chance to—”

He cuts me off. “Gave you a chance when I asked you to beg.”

My mouth gapes. “That was a test?”

His eyes soften a little. “No. Not a test. Just what I like. And if you’re not into it, you’re not into it. Unless you give yourself to me completely, then...” he shrugs, “…not gonna happen.”

I’m unsure how to proceed. Do I risk losing myself? Even for one night?

He turns the doorknob once more, but I use my hip to bump it shut. “I’ll do it. Whatever you want. I’ll do it.”

“Show me how much you want it.”

My cheeks heat.

Licking my lips, I lean forward and up, but he catches my chin in his hand, holding it tight. His brows furrowed, he softens his reprimand with a gentle voice. “You don’t get to kiss me until I say you can.”

My brows furrow to match his.

Then how can I show him that I wa– 

My eyes widen and I swallow hard. He sees the moment I catch on and his lip twitches.

Closing my eyes, I hold the door with one hand and kneel slowly. Once on my knees in front of him, I reach up and place my shaking fingers on his belt buckle. I’m not sure why I do it, but I look up at him, silently asking permission. His eyes soften and he places a hand on my head, softly stroking my hair.

Approval.

Feeling a little braver, I keep my eyes on him while I work his belt, and when it finally comes undone, I pop the button and lower the zip to his jeans. Opening the flaps, I rub him over the material of his boxers for a moment. He takes in a quick breath. A surge of confidence washes over me.

I reach into his boxers and pull him free.

My eyes widen.

Sweet mother of God!

With my eyes wide, I look up at Twitch. His eyes bore into mine. “Make me want it.”

Holding his semi-erect cock in my slightly shaking hand, I don’t know what to do with this. I’ve never been with a man who has a piercing before. The bar goes vertically, with one silver ball resting on the sensitive underside, and the other just where the head starts on the top of his shaft.

He’s thick. He’s long. He’s smooth.

He’s impressive.

I’ve seen enough penises to know that this one is bigger than your average.

I guess a big guy needs a big cock…right?

Tightening my grip on him, I lift my other hand to join the other and stroke it. Almost completely erect, I hold his eye as I lean forward, part my lips, and gently kiss the tip. His cock jerks in my hands. Closing my eyes, I stroke slowly but firmly while placing kisses on the head.

Time to stop playing around.

Opening my mouth wider, I flatten my tongue and lick from the base to the tip, revelling in the smooth warmth of him. He tastes good. Clean and slightly musky, just like a man should. When I reach the head, I close my mouth around it and suck. Eyes still closed, I lower my mouth on his shaft. The balls of his piercing feel strange and unfamiliar, yet perfect at the very same time.

The soft firmness of his erection, and the solid warmth of the piercing on my tongue, put me in a daze.

No longer thinking about what I’m doing, I sigh softly around him and begin to bob my head. He spreads his legs wider. Removing one of my hands from his cock, he takes it, reaches into his boxers, and places them underneath his balls, pushing up.

It takes only a moment for me to get the hint.

Cupping them in my hand, I gently massage them, while slowly sucking and stroking him with the other.

I don’t remember a time in my life when I’ve been more comfortable performing a sexual act.

Something in me desperately craves Twitch’s approval.

When his hand strokes my hair again, I relax even further, taking him as deep as I can into my mouth without gagging. The hand on my head tangles in my hair and pulls. My eyes close in pain, and I gasp as I’m pulled back. Wincing, I look up at him. His eyes so hooded they’re barely open, he mutters, “Enough.”

His hold in my hair eases. Gripping my upper arm, he lifts me to a standing position and orders gently, “Strip.”

Not taking even a moment to second-guess myself, I grip the bottom of my tank and lift it over my head. My breasts free to the cool air makes my body break out into goosebumps. My nipples stiffen. This doesn’t get past Twitch. His nostrils flare and his eyes flash before he reaches up and rolls my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. My mouth opens in a silent moan and I lean forward into him. He pinches my nipple a little too hard. I hiss in a breath. He softly reminds me. “I said strip, Alexa.”

God. This guy has me so hot and bothered I actually feel tipsy.

Placing my thumbs into the waistband of my pajama pants and panties, I slowly wiggle them down my thighs until they loosen enough to fall to the ground on their own.

So here I am. Naked. In front of the man who has been stalking me for as long as I can remember.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Before I can process my mind’s question, Twitch reaches out. His hand grips my waist and he pulls me forward, pressing me into his body.

I’m not short. On the contrary, I’m kind of tall for a woman. But Twitch…he makes me feel small when I’m next to him.

His hand at my waist squeezes. “You sure you want this?” His hooded eyes search my face. “You need to open that pretty mouth and give me words, babe. This’ll be your last chance to say no.”

The thought of Twitch leaving now makes me anxious. Not happening.

Bare breasts pressed into his tee, I look up into his eyes and whisper, “I want you.”

Something in what I just said makes him react. His lips curl and his eyes turn cruel. “’Bout fucking time.”

Huh?

My mind shouts at me to think about what he just said, but when his hands slide from my waist, strokes back and then down over my ass, all thought is lost. Leaning my head back, I moan quietly as he palms my ass, none too gently.

His hands on my derriere, he pulls me back into his body. He demands, “Look at me.” So I do. His brown eyes harsh, he asks, “Who do you want? Say it.”

It takes me a second too long to answer. I know this because the hard swat that stings my ass jolts me so much that my body stiffens. I flush the brightest of reds.

What the hell? That hurt!

My eyes narrow at his, and just as I open my mouth to tell him my thoughts, one hand squeezes my ass so hard it aches, while the other tangles in my hair, fisting it hard enough to make me wince. Lowering his scowling face to mine til we’re almost nose-to-nose, I see it.

Challenge.

He’s daring me to say something. Anything. Daring me with nothing but a look.

My mind claps at my stupidity, clearly unimpressed.

This is what he warned me about. These are the terms I accepted.

Holding his gaze only a moment longer, I move my eyes down to his throat in defeat. What he does next surprises me.

Leaning forward, he places his lips at the top my head for a long moment before he softly kisses my hair and mutters, “Knew you’d be perfect. Fuckin’ knew it.”

My nakedness suddenly making me feel vulnerable, I pull my arms up between us and cover my breasts with my hands. Twitch kisses my head again. “You cold?”

I shake my head, feeling honesty is the way to go. He is, after all, a sociopath. I’d like to have his trust. He prods, his husky voice hushed, “You feeling uncomfortable?”

I immediately nod. Squeezing my ass once more, he places his lips at the shell of my ear. “Good. Get used to it. Because I’m going to do bad things to you.”

And just like that, any warmth or safety I was feeling flies out the window.

I can’t help but wonder what I’ve got myself in to.

Alexa’s face turns fearful.

She should be scared. If I didn’t know this woman as well as I do, I’d turn her over my knee for letting a complete stranger into her home.

But that’s just the thing. I’m not a stranger. And although she doesn’t understand it yet, she feels what I feel when we’re together.

Homecoming.

Which is a shame for her, because although I know her, it doesn’t mean I’m gonna go easy on her. Quite the contrary.

I need to punish her.

You need her. Just her. Nothing else.

Ignoring my mind’s voice, I look at my prey. She’s the reason I am the way I am.

It’s all her fault.

And she’s going to pay.

I should know better by now. I’ve dealt with bad people in my life before. I know the look Twitch wears, and although I don’t know where this is going, I know one thing…

This will end badly for me.

But it seems I’m a glutton for punishment, because I won’t stop what’s happening here.

My mind wanders.

If I ask him to stop now, would he?

The need to test the waters is too strong for me to stop myself. “Stop, Twitch. Please, stop.”

His hand stills on my ass. His face contorts in anger, eyes narrowing to slits. “I swear to you, Lexi…” He trails off, and I know I’ve made a huge mistake. I’m going to be punished for this.

When his lips twitch, I know he’s caught on, and all I can think is I’m screwed. He sounds amused when he says, “Oh Lexi. What are you doin’, babe? You think I was joking when I said I wouldn’t stop? You testing me, baby?”

Honesty. Be honest.

Sometimes I wish I had a rewind button for my mouth. I try to fix what I’m doing a really good job at wrecking. “I’m sorry. I just needed to know for sure.”

When he runs his hand up and down my back, I start to relax. I can’t get a read on this guy. He goes from cold to hot, then down to warm in seconds. He’s completely unpredictable. And that makes me uneasy.

Still fully clothed with his erection out, he continues to rub my back as he explains, “I told you you’re not being tested, Alexa.” Leaning forward, he whispers into my ear, “All you need to do for this to go well…is give in.”

That sounds easy enough. In theory. Right?

No. Not right. Not in the slightest.

When you come from a home like I did and get out of said home, you hold onto your freewill with both hands. Because sometimes, it’s all you got. And there is security in knowing you have a choice. So even though I get Twitch and his need to dominate, I don’t know if giving in is something I can do so easily. Giving in to a person I trust though…

You trust him. You don’t know why…but you do.

A sudden rush of humiliation slides down my body. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Quiet as a mouse, I avoid his eyes and beg, “Don’t hurt me, Twitch. Please don’t hurt me.”

The hand rubbing my back stops, thus ending the small amount of comfort I’d been feeling. His husky voice demands, “Undress me, girl.”

My heart thumps out of my chest.

This is really happening. I’m really going to let him do things to me. Bad things.

I seal my fate when I grip the bottom of his tee tightly and gently lift it over his head. It drops to the floor with a dull whoosh, and I move my thumbs into the sides of his jeans. Lifting my eyes, I look directly into his.

He doesn’t give anything away. His face remains devoid. Expressionless.

Slowly pulling down his pants, they get stuck around his ankles. Damn. I forgot his shoes. Hoping I haven’t fucked up for the thirty-eighth time tonight, I look up at him wide-eyed. But he silently lets me know it’s okay when he shoots me a small smile. Kneeling by his feet, I undo his laces and remove his shoes and socks before working his jeans all the way off.

Well.

That was awkward.

For me.

He extends a hand to me; I take his offering and he helps me stand. Then he does something I don’t expect. He pulls me forward, takes my arms, and wraps them around his waist. His arms circle my body. And there we stand, naked, in a firm and intense hug. I want to listen to his heartbeat. I need proof that he has one. A heart, that is. Turning my head to the side, I rest the side of my forehead on his chest, close my eyes, and sigh deep, squeezing his waist.

Just as I begin to feel I was worrying about nothing, his arms squeeze me tight. Really tight. Too damn tight. I’m constricted and feeling bound, so I tense. He says softly, “Don’t fight me. I can make this good for both of us.”

I silently agree, but my body has other plans. I begin to struggle in his arms and he chuckles. “Or fight. Whatever. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if I need to, Alexa. It’s your choice.”

I continue my struggle and hiss out through gritted teeth, “There is no choice. I have no choice. I can’t move to make a fucking choice!” Clearly, I’m panicked.

Gripping me harder than he should, he orders, “Look at me.”

And I don’t want to; I’m feeling indignant. And suddenly bitter. I don’t want my right to choose to be taken away.

I don’t want to be weak.

Without an answer, Twitch releases one of his arms, and before I know it…

Thwack!

My ass throbs. That was even harder than last time! My mouth opens before I have a chance to think about what I’m doing. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Stop!”

Thwack!

The throbbing on my ass cheek feels like it’s on fire. But I keep going, “I don’t want to do this anymore! Stop, Twitch. I’ve had enough of this. I don’t want to be a weak little whore for you! We’re done!”

What I’ve just said makes his brow furrow. Deep. He loosens his hold on me completely, and when his arms fall away, I feel a tremendous loss that I can’t explain.

Stepping away from me, he stares me down a moment before he says slowly but firmly, “I don’t take weak women to bed. Never.” The air in the hall stills. And it’s frightening. “Not ever.”

I want him to explain what he means, but all I can do is wrap my arms around myself, covering my breasts. Finding some courage I must have stored deep inside of me, I open my mouth to ask what he means, but nothing comes out. Mouth gaping, I shut my trap and come to terms with the fact that this isn’t going to happen.

My chest aches.

Eyeing Twitch and his tall, solid body, I feel like crying.

What a damn shame.

A few minutes pass and we stand there still. When I risk looking up at him, his lip curves up at the side, giving him one of the most beautiful crooked smiles I’ve ever seen. Stepping forward, he wraps an arm loosely around my waist. “See? You’re not weak.” As I look up at him, he clarifies, “A weak woman would’ve apologized by now. And I know you want this like I want this, but you still didn’t apologize for saying something you meant. A weak woman would’ve apologized, even though she wasn’t sorry. Like I said, I don’t do weak women. Do you realize how strong a woman has to be to do what I’m asking?”

Huh. I never thought of it like that.

He goes on. “It takes a strong woman to let go of her fears and step out of her comfort zone into something that makes her unsure, and even scared. I get you’re an independent woman, and choice goes hand-in-hand with pride, but don’t misunderstand me. A strong woman can also be submissive in bed. It doesn’t make her weak. It makes her stronger than most. Putting your body into the hands of someone else…that takes balls.”

Both hands move down to my bare butt and palm me. He leans down and whispers, “I know I’m scaring you, but I promise you: you give yourself to me and I’ll make sure you never want sex any other way ever again. Be strong for me, Lexi.” Nipping my ear, I break out in goosebumps. “Give in.”

And just like that, I’m back on board. And hornier than sin.

Leaning down to the ground, he picks something up. He says, “Wrap your legs around me,” not a second before he lifts me. I wrap my legs high up on his waist, my arms circle his neck, and he carries me unhurriedly to my room. As soon as we reach the door, he sets me down and my eyes are drawn to the object in his hand.

His belt.

His thick, black leather belt.

My brain screams, “Oh, hell no!” but my heart shushes it. Twitch won’t hurt me. Not after what I went through the other night He wouldn’t.

Wouldn’t he?

Holy shit. It just hit me.

It just hit me that I don’t know this guy. Not even a little bit. I’ve basically let a stranger into my home and begged him to have sex with me. Sure, he saved me, but seriously…

What in God’s name is wrong with me?

You need him. You need to know who he is. Why he is. And why he watches you. Admit it, girl. You want him…as much as he wants you.

Oh, wow. I’m a stupid asshole. I’ll be having words with myself about this later. Right now, I’m distracted. My distraction is in the form of a sexy, tall tattooed man stroking himself, watching me through a hooded gaze.

Swallowing hard, I lift my face to meet his eyes. His hooded gaze travels down my body in a slow intense stare before making his way back up to my face.

Our eyes meet. There is a familiar gleam in those warm brown eyes.

And I know what he wants. And he’s going to get it.

Walking backwards to my bed, I stop when the frame hits the backs of my knees. Sitting, I push myself back to the middle of my bed, watching Twitch all the while. Lying in the middle of my bed, I extend my arms out at the sides.

Closing my eyes, I quietly but firmly whisper, “You win. I give in.”