Текст книги "Reckless In Love"

Автор книги: Bella Andre

Соавторы: Jennifer Skully
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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 21 страниц)

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The show delighted Charlie, though Sebastian was sure she’d seen it many times over. And he was delighted not only by the way she snuggled into him, but also by how natural she was. He couldn’t imagine any of the women he’d dated in the past decade licking the salt and oil from her fingers as they shared a bowl of buttery popcorn. Although it was hell keeping himself from grabbing Charlie’s hand and licking each finger clean, one slow swipe of his tongue at a time.

By the time the credits rolled—she had curled into him by then and her hair was soft against his skin—he was aching with need. He wanted to take her to his bed, wanted to spend the rest of the night learning every curve and hollow of her gorgeous body with his mouth, his hands.

But for the first time in his life, he knew he couldn’t do that. Because Charlie already mattered. Mattered a hell of a lot. Which meant he needed to figure her out first. Needed to be sure that they were the right fit in every way, rather than merely in bed, where he already sensed no one would ever fit him better.

“So?” She shifted to look at him. “What did you think?”

“It had a lot more screaming than I thought it would.” The way she’d spoken of the show had been so upbeat. “And it seemed like no matter how good a plan people made, things went wrong anyway. I kept looking for the happy ending.”

“The happy ending is right there in front of you,” she told him, her body swaying slightly as she leaned in to make her point. She was so warm, so sensual, that his blood heated even as he warned himself to cool it. “The screaming woman ended up figuring out her life and they all triumphed in the end.”

Sebastian was amazed that Charlie saw positive messages in a plan gone totally wrong. Ever since his parents had gone completely off the rails, he’d spent the past two decades on constant alert for the ways things could go wrong. Then he devised the right fix before everything got sucked down the tubes. He was always moving, planning, doing, acting—and encouraging others to do the same. But Charlie soothed something inside him with her unselfconscious laughter and relaxed sensuality. She inspired him too, with the way she approached her art so openly. So freely. Plus, she felt absolutely perfect against him.

“What were your favorite shows when you were a kid?”

In an instant, he went completely still inside, the relaxed feeling gone as if it had never been there at all. Sebastian didn’t hide his history from people, but he’d learned how to talk about his childhood on stage and in interviews without getting upset about it. He used his past as an example, treating his story as an object lesson in his talks: You didn’t have to be controlled by your past, but you did need to make sure you learned from it so that you wouldn’t end up repeating those mistakes.

But he knew he couldn’t do that with Charlie tonight. Not if he wanted her to know more about him than the billionaire façade right there on the surface.

“Are you okay, Sebastian?” she said softly, breaking through the fog he’d let descend around them.

He stroked her cheek, her soft, warm skin helping to bring him back to her. “Just thinking.”

Thinking about how he hadn’t watched TV as a kid because he’d been too busy looking after his parents. As far back as he could remember, they’d drunk too much and partied too hard. When they were drinking, they’d had huge fights, but they’d never hit each other or him. Mostly they’d just loved to party, staying out till all hours of the night until their bodies gave out, forcing them home to pass out in their bed. Or as close to their bed as they could manage. Once his mother had recovered from their latest binge, she’d always promised they’d change their ways. But then his father would reel her into another drink, another party, another great night out.

Until the day things went from great to deadly in the span of a heartbeat.

Sebastian had learned that you could love someone with all your heart and still be the worst thing for them. Like his dad had been for his mom. Each other’s worst enemies. It was a lesson he’d never let himself forget—just how much love could hurt and how toxic it could be when two people were a bad fit for each other.

Finally, he told her, “I didn’t watch much TV. I grew up in a seedy neighborhood of Chicago and my parents were alcoholics. TV wasn’t a priority.” Keeping them alive was. Until he couldn’t even manage to do that anymore.

Her lips parted, then her gaze moved over his face like a caress. When she put her hand on his arm, her heat highlighted his cold skin and how easily she warmed him up again. “That must have been tough. That’s why your friends mean so much to you, isn’t it? Because they were there for you when you needed them?”

He not only appreciated her questions—none of the women he’d dated had wanted to know more about his past than they could read in an interview or hear him speak about from the stage—but how matter-of-fact she was about it. Concern without pity. Strength and support without anyone being considered weak.

Charlie Ballard was an extraordinary woman. So extraordinary that he understood less now than ever about what could possibly be holding her back from the glittering success she deserved. With her heat seeping into his bones, his marrow, his heart, he silently vowed to give her the world. Whether she was ready for it or not.

CHAPTER SEVEN

The words had rolled off Sebastian’s tongue as if they were no big deal. I grew up in a seedy neighborhood of Chicago and my parents were alcoholics.

Maybe most people let him get away with that because they were so wowed or intimidated by the billionaire with the entire world at his feet. But the pain she’d heard—the pain he’d clearly been working so hard to hide—made Charlie desperately want to reach out to him, to help him in any way she could. Even if it was just by listening, she hoped he’d know he wasn’t alone.

“You’re right. If my friends hadn’t been there...” There was little inflection in his voice, but from the way he played with the ends of her hair, curling it around his fingers in a repeated loop, she knew that what he was saying bothered him. “My parents were big partiers. My mom might have been able to make it on her own. But my father was always about the next party. Until he burned them both out.”

“You took care of them, didn’t you? Even though you were just a kid.” She wished she could absorb the pain of his childhood and erase it, but for now, the stroke of her foot along his leg was a small connection he seemed to appreciate.

“I did my best.” He rubbed his cheek against the top of her head, obviously needing comfort. Comfort she so badly wanted to give him. “But when my parents couldn’t hold down jobs anymore, I moved in with my friend Daniel’s parents for good. I was about thirteen then.”

Thirteen. Just a child. Anyone else who had grown up in Sebastian’s shoes would have been filled with darkness. But even as he exposed his past to her, he was sweet, caressing, gentle.

“They must be wonderful people.”

“Bob and Susan have greatness in them. Kindness. Caring. They had it tough too, but they still shared everything they had with us. Everything and more.”

She recognized the love threaded through every word—not only when he spoke about Bob and Susan, but also about his parents. “What happened to your parents?” Something told her she should slide her hand into his before he answered.

“They fell off the wagon one too many times.” The pain of their passing expressed itself in the slight tightening of his fingers around hers. “I was a senior in high school when Mom had a bad fall. She never recovered and died a couple of weeks later.”

“Oh, Sebastian.” Even bracing herself hadn’t helped. She still felt the pain of his loss arcing through her...just as she knew he had to feel it himself.

“A few weeks later my dad died in a drunk-driving accident. Luckily he didn’t hurt anyone else.”

Heartache spread to her entire body. To have to use the word lucky while talking about his father’s death?

It speared her, all the way to the core.

She slid her hand from his to take his face in her hands. “I’m sorry.” Not that she’d asked, but that he’d had to live through it at all.

“I am too. They were good people. Good people who couldn’t beat their addiction.”

It was an amazingly kind way of looking at the situation. But even though kindness was great, so, Charlie knew from personal experience, was anger. At least in small doses, if only to purge it from your system.

Had Sebastian ever given his anger wings—or four wild horses to drag it on a chariot through the streets until the wind, and the rain, burned it out?

“How did you get from there to—” She paused and swept her hand in front of her to encompass the huge house and property. Even the helicopter now waiting for its next flight in the nearby hangar.

“I’m a big talker.” Now that he was no longer telling her about his parents and his childhood, the tension began to leave his body. “I didn’t go to college, but I always liked telling people what to do. I especially liked it when they listened.” He grinned. “And, of course, when their lives got better as a result. A talk-show host who liked my shtick gave me my first big break.”

“What you do isn’t a shtick.” She’d never seen him in action, but he couldn’t have achieved all this—he owned a Monet, for God’s sake—with mere magic tricks or smoke and mirrors.

“You’re right, I should erase that word from my vocabulary.” She swore she could see him silently do that. Erase erase erase. “I truly do believe every word I say, every piece of advice I give.” He smiled at her. “And the rest is history.”

“You make it sound so easy. As though anyone could build an empire and make billions.”

Pulling her hands down, he held them and locked his gaze on her eyes. “You can. Believe in yourself. Push for what you want and deserve. It will manifest.”

Her head spun at how quickly he’d twisted the focus around to her, making her feel slightly uncomfortable with the intensity of his gaze. Or maybe, if she was being totally honest with herself, she wasn’t uncomfortable with Sebastian, but with all of the big changes she could see coming down the pike. His words from the first day he’d come to her workshop replayed in her head: We won’t just unveil your work, we’ll unveil you to the world too.

Her roof might sag, but her life had been comfortable. Of course she wasn’t averse to being a big success, but was she ready for it?

“I’m already manifesting,” she quipped in an effort to relax a bit about it all. “You saw my dragon in Chinatown and now here I am, poised to create something amazing.”

“Definitely amazing,” he murmured as he pulled her into him, his arm deliciously warm across her shoulders. “Tell me more about yourself. From the way you speak of your parents, I can tell they were good ones.”

“They really were. My dad taught me everything about welding. My mom taught me everything about cooking.” She grinned at him. “Only one of them succeeded at getting through to me, though.”

Though he smiled back, by the way he slid his hand through hers as he asked, “Where’s your dad now?” it was obvious that he already suspected the answer.

The familiar ache bloomed in her chest. “He died of cancer seven years ago. With Hospice help, Mom and I took care of him to the end. We let him die at home the way he wanted to.”

Sebastian squeezed her hand and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “You’ve very brave, Charlie.”

If anyone should know about bravery, it was Sebastian. But their pasts weren’t something to compare, so instead of saying that, she simply leaned into his comfort. “I loved my mother before that, but it brought us even closer.” They’d created an unbreakable bond, weeks where they were everything to each other, offering support, one holding the other up when she would have fallen, sharing a glass of wine at the end of an exhausting day after her father had finally slipped into sleep. All that despite her mother’s debilitating arthritis.

“And where’s your mom?”

Sebastian had revealed his worst to her. Now it was her turn. “I had to put Mom in a home two years ago.” The agony of that decision—and the overwhelming guilt—squeezed her heart inside her chest. “She has osteoarthritis, but hers is extremely severe and started in her forties. She’s in constant pain.” She winced at the memories of her deterioration, but her mother was stoic. What on a scale of one to ten would have been a nine for Charlie, Mom smiled right through. “I hate what the disease has done to her.”

It was doubly hard to know the extent of her mother’s pain and not be able to do a thing about it. She wanted nothing more than to take care of her mother herself, but her place was more substandard than Shady Lane. Her mom had reached the point where she needed help dressing, washing, even putting on her shoes. Charlie’s bathroom had an old clawfoot tub that, as strong as Charlie was, she had trouble getting her mom in and out of. It was an accident waiting to happen. Then there were all the times her mother had been alone because Charlie had an irregular schedule—teaching during the day, with night classes three evenings a week, often not arriving home till eleven o’clock. She’d had visions of her mother falling and then lying there for hours before Charlie returned.

While she’d explained about her mother, Sebastian had caressed the back of her neck, giving her warmth and comfort that eased the knot of tension. Now, he folded her into his arms, his tenderness bringing her close to tears when usually she tried to be as stoic as her mother.

“Can she take pain meds?” He soothed her with long, sweet strokes down her back.

Charlie shook her head against his chest. “She’s already on a bunch of stuff, but you build up a tolerance in time, and it doesn’t do much.”

“What about an operation?” His voice was a warm rumble against her ear.

“She’s had them all. There’s only so much they can do.” She pushed away from his comfort and put the flat of her hand on his chest. “But with the money you gave me for the chariot, I can move her into a great place in Los Gatos with beautiful gardens to stroll through. She pushes herself to do a mile every day with a walker in the hallway. Otherwise she’d be in a  wheelchair.”

“Now that is amazing. And so are you.” He held her with his dark, beautiful eyes. “It’s incredibly selfless to use the money for her care. I should have doubled what I gave you.”

He was too much. Not only that he listened with such attentiveness when most people had to jump in with their own story—but that he was moved enough to even think of handing her more than he already had.

“You’ve already given me more than anyone else.” She savored the strong beat of his heart beneath her palm. Sharing with him didn’t take away her mother’s pain, but somehow it eased Charlie’s anguish. “It’s more than enough. More than I can still wrap my head around.”

Just as she could barely wrap her head around the heat the two of them generated, simply sitting on the couch talking about their pasts.

As he ran his hands up her arms, over her shoulders, into her hair, and cupped her nape, she was palpably aware that her inner voice, the one reminding her to keep her hormones in check, had long since shut itself down. She’d wanted to make sure that she and Sebastian had clearly carved out the lines between business and pleasure before they became lovers—and she’d wanted to make sure she wasn’t letting herself fall into another relationship where she started out refreshing and ended up with her heart broken.

Though she didn’t have nearly all the answers to her questions, what he’d shared with her had touched her deeply.

She still didn’t want to risk messing up the business arrangement between them by jumping into bed, especially not when her mother’s future care depended on it. And yet, drawing in a deep breath of his scent, all male with hints of soap and raspberry trifle, she could no longer repress the part of her that was dying for a kiss. One heady kiss she could dream about at night.

His mouth was so inviting. And when he said her name—“Charlie”—barely above a soft whisper but heavy with need, she simply couldn’t resist the pull of his desire any longer.

He leaned close, but she was the one who closed the final distance between them. She parted his lips. Or he parted hers. She couldn’t be sure. All she knew was that he was the sweetest thing she’d ever tasted.

His tongue danced with hers, his taste drugging her. She moaned and his arms wrapped her close. Her fingertips to his jaw, she rubbed the soft end-of-day stubble. The length of his body was hard against her, all that relentless muscle. And she couldn’t help letting herself go, throwing her arms around him, pressing her breasts to his chest, her leg against his thigh.

He consumed her, kissing the very breath from her. It was, she silently acknowledged, what she’d wanted from the moment he’d stood outside her workroom, the sun blinding her and turning him into a silhouette of metal calling her to shape him, mold him, take him, make him hers.

His fingers curled into her hair as he devoured her as though she were a delicacy he’d never tried before and couldn’t get enough of. His groan made her crazy for more—his whole body on hers, his hands all over her. He made her want to be reckless, made her want to give him her body, her heart. Her very soul, if he wanted it. Right here. Right now. Made her want to throw her worries and her wariness to the wind. Made her want to pretend she’d never been hurt before. Made her want to believe that he would never hurt her.

She wanted to taste and touch every part of him, but the way he was loving her mouth was addictive. Overwhelming. Tantalizing.

So damned good that she would have been completely lost if he hadn’t drawn back, his heart pounding as swiftly as hers, his eyes the deep, intoxicating color of whiskey.

“Wow,” she said, more an exhalation than a word.

“Wow is exactly right.” He trailed a finger across her lips. “The perfect first kiss.” But instead of diving back in to see if the second would be even better, he said, “Do you believe it yet?”

“Do I believe what yet?” she asked, even though she was pretty sure another of his kisses could make her believe anything.

“That I want your chariot and respect your talent as much as I desire you?”

Two days ago, when they’d been standing in the atrium of his new building, he’d asked her the same question. And though his kiss had made her feel reckless and borderline desperate for more, it hadn’t made her a liar.

“No.” She hadn’t even begun to build the chariot, and though it had taken shape in her mind, he couldn’t possibly see it as clearly as she did—at least, not clearly enough for it to be anywhere near worth the check he’d written. “Not yet.”

“You will.” He licked out against her lips, and it was almost enough to send recklessness to the forefront again. “Soon.”

She smiled through the desperate ache to kiss him again. “I hope so.” Because until that moment came, the ache would only keep growing.

He stood, held out his hand. “I’ll walk you home.”

She put her fingers in his. “It’s not that far.”

“It’s a few more minutes with you.”

Oh God. He was to die for.

Wrapping her beneath his arm, he kept her close on the walk down the hill. The wind came up, whipping away their voices, but talk wasn’t necessary. There was just the sweet feel of his body against her side and his protective arm around her.

At the bungalow door, he turned her in his arms and took her face in his hands. As his gaze roamed her cheeks and her lips, she almost felt as though his mouth were on her. After a long pause in which she found herself holding her breath, he finally lowered his lips to her forehead for a soft, sweet kiss.

Then he said good night and walked away.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Charlie was so damned sweet, her skin so soft, her body so supple and strong, yet so giving. Leaving her with nothing more than that peck on the forehead was the hardest thing he’d ever done. He had always been a fairly patient man, at least compared to the other Mavericks, but with Charlie his patience was being sorely tested.

But he could tell she wasn’t ready yet. And if he was honest, he wasn’t ready either—not when there was so much about her he still needed to uncover. Which was precisely why he headed straight for his workroom upstairs—it was little more than a walk-in closet off his bedroom—and flipped on the light. Other than the stars shining through the window, the room was unadorned but for supply cupboards, a bureau full of sketchbooks, a comfortable chair, the side table, and a standing lamp.

After all these days of dying to sketch her, he finally chose a pencil and a drawing pad. The medium he used didn’t matter. No one but Susan, Bob, and the Mavericks knew he drew.

Growing up poor and hungry with parents who were rarely around made it hard to have big dreams. And the ones you had, you learned to keep to yourself. After all, by the age of twelve so many of his dreams of a happy family and normal life had died that he knew to steal this dream away for himself. Drawing was what he did alone in his bedroom when his parents were partying with their “friends,” as though sketching could somehow drown them all out, make them go away, and make everything better, at least for a little while.

Until the day his father found one of his sketchbooks during a bender. Sebastian knew it was his own fault—he’d been careless and had forgotten to shove it beneath his mattress with the others. Even all these years later, he could still hear his father’s voice. Slurred, like it so often was, but clear all the same. You drew this crap? All these pictures of me looking like shit? Like a goddamned drunk?

As far back as Sebastian could remember, probably to age five or six, it wasn’t just creative urges that made him draw everything and everyone around him. It was also his need to understand people. He’d drawn the kids at school, his teachers, the bus driver, and of course, his parents. Because if he could figure them out, then maybe he could fix them.

The sketchbook his father had torn through had been filled with sketches of his dad during—and after—his last bender. Sebastian had simply wanted to know why his father was so attracted to the high that he refused to give it up, even when their lives were falling completely apart because of it. Maybe if Sebastian knew why, then he could finally figure out how to make the drinking stop. And if his father stopped getting wasted all the time, Sebastian had been sure his mother would follow.

But those dreams were slashed the night his father had laughed in such a cruel, devastating way as he ripped out Sebastian’s sketches in big fistfuls of paper, his wasted friends laughing right along with him. My stupid, worthless kid thinks he’s an artist. But he’s nothing, his father had declared. I’ll show you where your pictures belong, you little shit. He’d thrown Sebastian’s drawings into the fireplace, and when they’d lit and flamed, his father had toasted his friends with another bottle, another shot, another pack of cigarettes.

All the while, Sebastian’s mother was passed out on the couch in the corner. Sebastian never knew if his father told her what had happened, or, honestly, if his father even remembered what he’d done. But it didn’t matter.

The damage had been done. Sebastian now knew just how worthless his dreams really were. How crazy. His father was right—he’d been kidding himself to think he could actually be an artist.

Sebastian didn’t draw for years after that, not until the itch in his fingers got so strong that he couldn’t stop himself from doodling in class. He still remembered the first time he drew again, the way his hand shook, knowing what crap he was at being an artist. And yet, at the same time, it was such a huge relief to let out the urges again.

The first time Susan had seen one of his doodles, she’d marveled at it, the opposite reaction to his father’s. Sebastian knew it wasn’t because he was actually talented, but simply that she had the eye of a mother, not an art critic. Eventually, though, he decided it would be okay to draw if he was simply using it as a way to work through his thoughts and feelings, to figure people out. But never again art for art’s sake. Never with any dreams attached. And that was fine, since his dreams had completely changed once he’d finally grown up.

Ever since the moment he’d set eyes on Charlie, he’d wanted to try to capture her unique beauty and her irrepressible spark, even if he didn’t have a prayer of actually doing her justice. Of course, he’d make sure she never found his drawings.

He flipped past a dozen sketches of his parents in the sketchbook before he found a fresh page. It still grated on him that he’d never been able to shine a light on their addictions. Though they were no longer alive, he was still drawing them, still trying to understand why they’d lived their lives as they had—why they’d chosen booze and parties over a life with him.

On the fresh page, he put pencil to paper and quickly worked to try to bring Charlie to life beneath his fingers—her beautiful, expressive eyes, filled with heartache and pain but also with such joy it floored him. He hated that he didn’t have the skills to get what he saw in his head onto the paper, but at the very least he hoped the pencil would reveal things he couldn’t see with the naked eye. There was so much he wanted to figure out about the woman who commanded his attention like no one else ever had.

Charlie had been helpless to cure her father’s illness, and now clearly felt helpless to ease her mother’s suffering. Just as he’d been helpless against the liquor in his parents’ cabinets. It hadn’t mattered how much gin or beer he poured down the drain or how little money there was in the house, somehow there was always enough for another bottle and another party.

Susan and Bob Spencer took him in on the nights when his own parents seemed to have forgotten they had a son. His thirteenth birthday had been just around the corner when his mom woke from a drunken stupor long enough to ask where he’d been the night before, telling him that he was her son and he needed to come home to her. She’d helped him throw out the bottles, and he’d thought things would change. He thought he mattered to her. He’d had hope for a whole week. Until his dad wanted to have a little fun, just a night out, one night.

Once again they forgot they had a son who desperately wanted to see them clean and sober. He’d moved in with Bob and Susan on his thirteenth birthday. This time, neither of his parents had seemed to miss him.

Over the next five years, no amount of AA meetings, rehab, or liquor down the drain had done a thing. He’d suffered with them through the DTs, but they’d never stuck it out. The moment his back was turned, they’d find another drink. Until finally his mother had fallen, hit her head on the edge of the coffee table, and never woken up again. He’d often wondered if his dad had died in that car crash because his luck had finally run out? Because guilt had finally soaked through his sodden conscience? Or was it simply that Ian Montgomery couldn’t live without his wife Olive?

Sebastian had created a billion-dollar career out of helping people change their lives for the better in every possible avenue—career, relationships, health, family. But the concept of love still twisted him up in knots. He knew firsthand that you could love someone with everything in you and still be the absolute worst thing for them. Sure, there were couples like Bob and Susan, who would do anything for each other, but then there were couples like his friend Evan and his wife Whitney. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that Whitney was toxic and would be Evan’s destruction. As far as Sebastian was concerned, you always had to be ready to walk away from a love like that. But he didn’t think Evan ever would. Not only because of his loyalty, but also because he was holding onto hope with an iron grip.

Sebastian hadn’t allowed himself to hold onto hope against all odds again, not since that day his mother had sworn she’d stop drinking if he came home, and then surrendered the first time her husband had tempted her with another party, another night out, another drink.

An owl hooting outside his window brought him back to his workroom and the drawing of Charlie beneath his hand. Looking down at it, he knew he’d never been involved like this before. So involved, on such a deep level already, that he was tempted to draw a self-portrait next, to try to figure himself out this time.

To try to figure out love.

Love wasn’t something he’d been looking for. Wasn’t something he thought he’d be able to trust in for himself, after his upbringing. But could Charlie change everything?

Had she already?

Working to push away his memories of his parents for good this time, he refocused his thoughts on Charlie as he continued to fill in the flowing locks of her hair, then sketched the lines of her cheekbones, her jaw, her nose. Yet he still saw nothing in his drawing that shed light on why she hadn’t reached her career potential despite her brilliant talent and skill.

His pencil swirled, giving life to her luscious lips, the ones he’d tasted and craved with a soul-deep need. Dammit, that was the problem. He was so focused on the physical, on his desire—on himself rather than her—that he couldn’t see beneath the surface of what he drew.

He nearly crushed the pencil and pad in his fist. This always happened, this moment where his frustration at his poor skills made him want to rip out the pages just the way his father had and burn them to ashes.

Knowing he wouldn’t be able to see beyond his memories tonight—or his desire for Charlie—he tossed aside the pad. But he did know one thing for certain, knew it even without drawing her. Charlie badly needed a cure for her mother’s pain. There had to be some treatment—an operation, an advanced drug, something that would help. He might not have been able to fix his parents, but he’d spent his life trying to make up for that by building an empire facilitating positive change for as many people as he could.