Текст книги "Bad Grace "

Автор книги: Annabel Chant

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    Twenty

Her

I checked my phone again when I got up. Still nothing. I’d been checking it all night, on and off, from when I got back from Liv’s gig until I finally fell asleep, but my text had gone unanswered. Even though I’d already realised he wasn’t interested in me in the way I’d hoped, it still left me feeling lost and dejected.

It hadn’t helped that Leo had rung me almost as soon as I got in. I’d been worried about returning home alone, as it was, after the debacle the night before. I’d half-expected to find him hiding behind the sofa, ready to launch himself at me as I walked through the door.

When the phone had rung, I’d physically jumped and, when I’d seen the name on the caller display, my heart had started to race. I wasn’t sure whether to just answer it and deal with whatever shit he was going to throw at me, or leave it and risk incurring his increased wrath.

In the end, I decided to answer.

‘Hello,’ I said, trying to keep my voice calm and level.

‘Grace?’ He sounded almost as nervous as me. ‘Oh, thank God.’

‘What?’ I said. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘Nothing.’ He gave an embarrassed laugh. ‘I…just didn’t think you’d pick up.’

I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to say.

‘Listen, Grace,’ he said. It was hard to make out what he was saying. He was obviously out somewhere. There was the sound of traffic in the background. ‘I’m so sorry about last night. Really.’

I still didn’t know what to say. ‘Oh, look, Leo…’

‘No, wait, listen.’ His tone was urgent. ‘It was bang out of order. It was. I...’

‘Look, Leo, it doesn’t mat…’

‘It does, Grace,’ he said, cutting across me and speaking quickly. ‘I know I was in the wrong. It’s up to you what you do. I deserve it. I deserve all of it.’

‘I…’ I felt so awkward. I’d never imagined feeling like this with Leo. Awkward – and torn. Half of me wanted to tell him to come over, so we could sort it out. The other half kept remembering last night, and the other times he’d come home drunk and handy with his fists.

‘Listen, I’ve been training hard – showing willing. I don’t want to lose my career. I don’t want to lose you.’

‘It’s a bit late for that,’ I said, trying to sound sympathetic, even as I said it.

‘It’s never too late, Grace,’ he said. ‘I still love you, and you love me.’

Again, I didn’t know what to say.

‘Don’t you?’ he said. ‘You still love me, don’t you, Grace?’

‘Yes,’ I said, feeling uncomfortable. ‘No – I don’t know, Leo. I just don’t know.’

‘That’s okay,’ he said. ‘It’s understandable, but listen, I’m still up for that promotion. Sam’s in talks with a few of the bigger teams.’

‘Which teams?’

‘I…I’m not supposed to talk about it.’ He gave a self-conscious laugh. ‘To be honest, I think he just wants rid of me. Johnno’s on the transfer list, too, but I think he’ll be going down.’

‘Oh,’ I said. Johnno was older – he’d been Team Captain for years. It made sense he’d be on his way back down the divisions.

‘I’m getting by,’ he said. Oh – well done, you. ‘But it’s not the same, Grace. I need you. I’m far more likely to get this transfer, if you stand by me. We’re a team.’

‘We weren’t when you were gangbanging that girl in Hull,’ I said. I couldn’t help myself. ‘You were in quite a different team that night.’

‘Don’t you think I regret it?’ His voice was plaintive, rising with emotion.

‘I’m sure you do,’ I said. ‘But only because you got caught out.’

‘No!’

He said something else, but I couldn’t catch it. Something – a lorry or a bus – had gone by.

‘I can hardly hear you,’ I said, straining to catch his words. ‘Where are you?’

‘I’m out,’ he said. ‘I’m in Islington.’

Islington? God, what was he doing over there? I’d only just left. He could’ve come into Jackaroo’s. He could’ve seen everything. Christ, he’d have killed me.

‘Oh,’ I said, trying to sound nonchalant. ‘Well, you’d better get on with whatever you’re doing.’

‘No,’ he said. ‘Listen, one day, we’ll look back on all this and laugh.’

I almost laughed as he said it. I couldn’t believe it – the gall of him was quite incredible. It would’ve been funny if it weren't so tragic. ‘Leo,’ I said, in measured tones. ‘I will never laugh about this.’

‘Look.’ There was an irritated edge to his voice. ‘We’re going to have to sort this out sooner or later, Princess. I know you don’t want to hear it right now, but it’s you and me. Always has been, always will be.’

I didn’t speak for a moment. He just wasn’t listening. I didn’t know how else to get through to him. Finally, I took a deep breath. ‘There is no you and me, Leo. I should have left you a long time ago. You’re a violent, egotistical creep. Now, leave me alone.’

There was a silence. When he spoke again, his voice was cold and hard. ‘You’ll see sense. I’m going to be a big name soon – you wait and see.’

‘You’re a big name already,’ I said. ‘And for all the wrong reasons.’

I’d cut him off after that, and he hadn’t rung back. The fact that he’d been in Islington had weighed on me. That, coupled with waiting for an answer to my text, kept me awake until Liv came crashing in at gone midnight. The fact that she was clearly drunk and had Gav in tow – despite having supposedly finished with him – meant that I was kept awake even longer. The sounds of them laughing, whispering and bumping into things gave way to the strains of their loud and protracted shag session. When I finally slipped into sleep, it was into a mixed-up doze, full of mashed-up parts of my fantasies. I kept waking with a start, before sliding back into slumber, because everyone in them had Leo’s face.

I must’ve got some restful sleep in the end, because I only felt slightly groggy when I woke. Liv and Gav had started up again, and the upper floor of the house was suffused with the sounds of them. The grunts and mutters of Gav, and the rhythmic knocking of the headboard against the wall, were punctuated only by the occasional hushed-up cry from Liv. I lay there, listening to them, and wishing I wasn’t. Not only did it make me feel awkward and uncomfortable, but – I couldn’t help it – it turned me on too.

As their lovemaking grew to its crescendo, my thoughts turned once more to the Aussies and, from there, to the so-called Filth Monger. Even though he seemed to have abandoned me, I still couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to sleep with him – to have him above me – his finely-chiselled face looking down on me, his glorious blue eyes fixed on mine as he crashed into me.

Even though I knew it would be nothing like I imagined it – I’d never looked a guy in the eye during sex in my life – the very thought of it was enough to send shivers of ecstasy through me. As Liv and Gav came together, I came too, apart and alone but for the shady, insubstantial presence of the guy that had turned his back on me in my hour of need.

Liv had got up soon after and had a shower – the sound of her singing lulling me back into a dreamless sleep. When I woke again, they’d both gone. I wondered how she’d managed to get out at all – considering how drunk she’d sounded the night before – and whether she’d been late for work.

Work. I looked at the clock. It was time I got up too, if I wanted to see Max this morning. I wondered what he’d say – whether he’d let me back to work on Monday, and whether he’d be sympathetic still, or just irritated at having been left to fend for himself.

Well, there was only one way to find out. I got up and headed to the bathroom. If there was one thing I needed to do, it was to wash the touch of Stef and the rest of them off me before I went to face il capo.

    Twenty One

Him

I hadn’t slept well. The sight of Alex, laying there on the Embankment clutching his side; Rick’s hand, vanishing into the Thames; the images wouldn’t leave me. Even after I’d finally dropped off, I kept coming to with a start from a nightmare that didn’t evaporate on waking. How was I going to be able to make it up to Sandy, without giving away the fact that Rick was dead?

The only bright note was that Alex was okay. He’d rung Ronnie to tell her as much. He was in St Thomas’s but was expecting to be discharged in the morning, as long as the Consultant agreed. I’d put Stephens on alert, ready to go and take him home as soon as he was out, and Ronnie was organising for food and general provisions to be delivered on his arrival. Alex was a confirmed bachelor, and I knew what his idea of eating-in consisted of – the tail-end of the previous night’s takeaway, when I’d gone over there once. It was no wonder he had the start of a paunch developing but then, as he’d said, that was what had saved him.

So, what with all the rest of it, coupled with my inability to contact Grace, it was a frustratingly long night. I’d paced the floor of my duplex, looking out over the river, remembering Rick’s hand, vanishing into the darkness, and the walk with Grace, and wondering what the hell I was going to do.

What the hell must she have thought, when I didn’t get back to her? She’d said she needed help. I hoped she hadn’t done anything stupid. I’d given her my word I’d be there for her, and I’d let her down. At one point, I even contemplated grabbing the Aston and driving over to her house. The only thing that’d stopped me was that, by the time I’d managed to get home and cleaned up, it was past midnight. By the time it occurred to me to drive over there, it was way beyond that. She’d have thought me a freak.

I’d go over there today, straight after seeing Max. I had to find out what was wrong, and – yes – I just wanted to see her again, even if she wasn’t interested. It was enough to snap me out of my lethargy and get myself ready to go over to Ffyvells.

When I got there, Max was in a meeting. I had to sit around in someone’s empty office, sipping at a glass of water while I waited. I felt oddly dejected, and it didn’t seem to be due to the fallout from last night. To make matters worse, I looked to be the butt of some private joke. People kept walking past the office and looking in at me. Most of them were women, but one or two were men, and they appeared to find me incredibly amusing.

One came in and offered me a coffee. I recognised her. She had short dark hair and a puckish face. Pretty, in an emo way. She didn’t seem the kind of girl Max would employ. He was a bit of a po-faced puritan in the workplace, from all I’d ever seen and heard – but she was exactly the sort he’d go for at Dominion. She stood at the door, a smirk on her face.

‘Would you like some coffee?’ she said. ‘I can have some sent up.’

She seemed to think it was an enormous joke, for some reason, and I just shook my head. ‘No, thank you,’ I said, flicking the glass with my thumbnail. It reminded me of Rick, last night at Dominion. God, everything reminded me of Rick.

She gave a quick shrug and smiled brightly. ‘Oh, well,’ she said. ‘Okay.’

As soon as she walked out, I saw some of the others go over to her. She giggled and repeated the few lines we’d exchanged as if it were some amazing revelation. Somehow, it must have been, judging from the awed responses.

Why were office girls – and guys – always like this with me? I mean, I’d nearly drowned in the Thames last night and had no sleep. I looked like I’d fallen out of a tree, but still it didn’t stop them. I put my head in my hands and sat with my elbows on the table, waiting to go in.

Twenty Two

Him

When Max had finished his meeting, the dark-haired girl came and got me. She seemed to be excited, trying not to laugh, and I couldn’t work it out. I followed her into Max’s office, feeling self-conscious.

‘Max, this is…uh…’ She looked at me, expectantly.

I smiled a bit at the obvious fishing technique. She knew damn well Max knew me. I knew where I’d seen her before, now. She was Grace’s friend – the one who’d helped her to the taxi outside Ffyvells.

‘Uh…’ I began. ‘N…’

But Max cut across me. ‘I’m well aware of who he is, thank you, Liv,’ he said, in his harshest, most clipped tones. ‘Shouldn’t you be spending less time gossiping and more time at your desk?’

Liv looked down at the floor. ‘Yes, Max. Sorry.’

She left the room quickly, shutting the door behind her, but not before casting her eye over me one last time. It wasn’t a look of lust…more of curiosity mingled with amusement. She gave me a final smirk and left the room.

Max looked at me in irritation. ‘Do you have to do that?’

‘Do what?’ I said, sitting down in the chair opposite him and leaning back. I cast a glance back out onto the main floor. The girl, Liv, hadn’t returned to her desk. She was standing with one of the guys from before, looking over at us and giggling. There was something about her – something about the way she was with Max – that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

‘She’s not my usual,’ Max said, following my gaze. ‘And, to tell the truth, she’s been a bit of a nuisance.’

‘Oh?’ I said. ‘In what way?’

‘You know,’ he said, watching her as she sauntered over to her desk and sat down. ‘How young girls are. Going out late…getting in late.’

I nodded, trying to feign sympathy. Christ, everyone was entitled to a life outside of work, especially at her age. She couldn’t have been much more than twenty-four, and that was being generous. Right now, she was applying lipstick, holding up a tiny mirror before her and peering into it, short-sightedly.

‘I wouldn’t mind so much,’ he said. ‘But it’s affecting her performance.’

‘So what’s happened to your usual?’ I said, casually. I could feel my heart pounding, as I said it, and realised the source of my dejection, suddenly. Grace wasn’t here. All my hopes of seeing her had been in vain. That was why I was still looking out at the trading floor, instead of facing Max. ‘She was here last time I was in, I think.’

‘She’s off,’ said Max abruptly. ‘Personal issues.’

‘Okay,’ I said, knowing I should leave it at that, but not wanting to let the subject rest. It wasn’t that I wanted to know any more. Hell, I probably knew more about Grace’s problems than Max, as it was, but I just wanted to be able to talk about her to somebody. I hadn’t mentioned her to anyone, and right now I needed to get it off my chest.

‘So, to what do I owe the honour?’ Max said, cutting across my thoughts. I turned back to him. He had his eyebrow raised in that supercilious way that never failed to get under my skin.

‘I have…’ I hesitated, not knowing how to explain without making myself sound guilty. ‘A bit of a situation.’

That was putting it mildly, but I didn’t want to overplay it to Max. I didn’t need his sympathy, just his cooperation.

‘A situation?’

‘Yes.’ I took a deep breath. ‘I’ve been charged with ABH.’

He raised his eyebrow further. ‘You? Well, well, I never took you for the type to engage in bar-room brawls.’

‘On a woman,’ I said, impatiently.

At this, Max looked alarmed. ‘Truly? Was it – a sub?’

I could see why he’d be worried. If a sub could accuse me of something like that, it could happen to Max. In fact, it was far more likely to happen to Max. He was a harsh taskmaster, and a cruel punisher. I only punished subs when I had good reason. Max didn’t need a reason. Even when I did chastise them, nine times out of ten it was some other way than the cane or the paddle. Too many subs were disobedient just to feel their sting. That wasn’t a punishment at all.

Punishment or not, there was always the slight chance that a Dom could misread a situation and end up in court, so Max’s reaction was anything but a surprise.

‘It was a sub…yes,’ I said. ‘And no.’

I outlined the situation, carefully avoiding any mention of the reasons for my visit to Charlotte. With Rick’s demise, the business with the tape was, hopefully, over and done with, and the less Max knew about it, the better.

As I finished my spiel, he sat forward, steepling his fingers, and looked me deep in the eyes.

‘If you did it,’ he said. ‘You can tell me. We owe you – you’re aware of that.’

‘I didn’t do it,’ I said.

‘It’ll help Giles to help you,’ he said, still holding my gaze.

I leaned forward and returned his stare. ‘I. Didn’t. Do. It.’

As Max opened his mouth to speak, there was a tap at the door. It was Liv again.

‘Sorry to interrupt, Max,’ she said, sounding breathless. ‘But Grace’s here to see you.’

At the mention of her name, I spun round. I couldn’t help myself. Liv stepped back and, there in front of me was Grace Anderton, the fucked-up little angel I’d vowed to help, and then let down in her hour of need.

As her eyes caught mine, they widened, and she went to smile. It was at that moment that I realised I didn’t want Max to realise I knew her…didn’t want him interfering.

I hoped she’d understand as I glared at her with my eyes, then smiled casually and turned back to Max.

‘Is that going to be a problem?’ I said, dragging my mind back to the reason for my visit.

‘It’s no problem at all.’ Max stood up and extended his hand. ‘Giles will see to it directly he returns, I’m sure. Now, if you’ll excuse me.’

I shook his hand and threw a disinterested smile at Grace and Liv. They were both standing there, staring at me in disbelief.

‘Ladies,’ I said, with a brief nod, and walked out past them without looking back.

    Twenty Three

Her

I couldn’t believe it. For a moment or two, I simply stood there, staring at nothing, before Max coughed discreetly, at which point I stared down at him, instead.

‘I…I’ll leave you to it, then,’ said Liv, tactfully. I turned to her, only to find her giving me a puzzled look. She went out and closed the door behind her, but I could tell she was aching to stay.

‘How are you, Grace?’ Max said. ‘Take a seat.’

I sat down opposite him. Although the skirt of my suit was knee-length, it rode up slightly as I sat down, leaving the backs of my thighs exposed. The leather of the chair was still warm against them. I shifted, the enduring heat of his presence making me feel awkward and extending the hurt of his indifference. I wondered if Max knew what had passed between us, or if my reaction had given it away.

Almost as if he’d read my mind, Max’s next words increased my discomfort. ‘I see you’ve met my esteemed friend,’ he remarked.

I flushed. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘He was here the day…’ I tailed off, not sure how to put into words the anguish of that morning.

‘He was, yes.’ Max didn’t speak for a moment. When he did, he seemed to have forgotten about his departed guest. ‘How have you been, Grace?’ he said.

He seemed genuinely interested, which put me even further on the back foot. It wasn’t like Max to be interested in the personal lives of his staff, and it made me wonder again if he knew more than he was saying. I didn’t want to acknowledge anything though, after his esteemed friend had so coolly blanked me. ‘Up and down,’ I said. ‘I need to get back to work.’

‘I’ve never been more glad to hear anything in my life,’ Max said, with a smile that disarmed me completely. For such a tyrant, he could be charming when he chose. ‘Liv...’

He left her name hanging in the air, but it told me all I needed to know. He’d missed me. It made me feel better about myself. I’d worked for Max for over two years, and I’d never known whether he was pleased with me, or not. I wondered what Liv had done to annoy him so but, knowing Max, it was nothing more than the unfamiliarity of a different face.

‘It’ll do you good,’ Max said. ‘Coming back to work. Keep you on the straight and narrow, and, hopefully, away from that dick.’

I felt my eyes widen. So he knew about us, after all. I was about to speak, to dismiss it as nothing but a chance encounter, when he spoke again.

‘Footballers like him are just overgrown man-boys,’ he said. ‘He’ll never be any good for you.’

I almost sagged with relief. He was talking about Leo.

I thought over his words. I felt embarrassed again, as if he’d somehow ticked me off for my bad taste in men. At the same time, I knew he was right, much as it pained me to admit it. ‘Is it okay if I start back on Monday, then?’ I said, to change the subject.

‘Most assuredly,’ he said, standing up to see me out. As I got to the office door, he touched my shoulder, and I turned to face him. ‘And, Grace, regarding our mutual friend...’ He indicated the now empty leather seat. ‘I don’t know what’s gone on between you…’ He spoke quietly, to avoid anyone overhearing, but his tone was intense and severe, and I felt myself growing hot with embarrassment again. So he had known.

‘…But I’d be very careful. Between you and I – and I don’t want this repeated – he’s just been charged with assaulting a girlfriend.’