Текст книги "Playing With Fire"

Автор книги: Alison Bliss

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

Chapter Fourteen

Cowboy snagged my house keys from my hand and unlocked my front door, pushing it open and stepping aside to let me enter. He followed me inside and shut the door behind us, then tossed the keys on the small entryway table.

To steady myself, I pressed my back against the wall.

Once he turned back to face me, a slow grin lifted his cheeks. He stepped closer, allowing his warm body to lean into me as his firm mouth dropped over mine. His tongue slid along my bottom lip where he then nipped gently. A feverish frenzy coursed through my veins.

My hands moved over his rib cage and onto his back, feeling the hard-packed muscles tighten beneath my fingertips. His hands traveled up my arms to my neck as his knee parted my legs, sliding my skirt up between my thighs. Within seconds, my nails were digging trenches into his shoulder blades.

Moments later, he slowed things down and rationed his touches, then stopped altogether. He backed away slowly. “We should probably dial it down a little before we do something you’ll regret.” Then he plopped down on the sofa and blew out a breath.

A sinking feeling came over me. “Me…or you?”

My remark gave him pause, and his eyes flickered in my direction. “Of course I mean you. Why would I regret it?”

I sat beside him on the couch. “I don’t know. But you seem awfully sure that I would. Maybe you’re the one with the issue.”

“No, of course not.”

“Good.” I leaned closer to him and brushed my lips over his ear, but he only stiffened. “Maybe I should go slip into something a little more comfortable.”

He swallowed hard and pulled at his shirt collar. “Yeah, sure. Go ahead. I’ll wait here.”

I rose and wobbled toward my bedroom, pausing in the doorway to look back at him. He faced away from me and was eyeing a framed art canvas on the wall, as if he wasn’t the least bit concerned with my intentions.

I don’t know what I’d expected. Hell, I thought I knew what he expected, but apparently I was wrong. Or doing something wrong. His preoccupation unnerved me almost as much as what I was about to do. Most men—at least the ones in their right minds—paid attention when a girl said she was going to take off her clothes.

In the bedroom, I stripped off my clothes and changed into a long white satiny nightgown and slipped on a matching silk robe.

“I should get going,” he called out from the living room. “You probably want to get to bed.”

He looked up as I came around the corner, and his mouth dropped open. The robe barely covered my shoulders and I had purposely left it open in the front, allowing the negligee to peek through.

“Funny that you mentioned that,” I stammered, feeling my entire body blush beneath the robe.

Cowboy stood up, but he didn’t come any closer. If anything, he looked like he was about to hightail it for the front door. “Anna, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to proposition me.”

“And that’s a problem?”

“No. I mean, yes.”

The uncertainty in his voice worried me. “Well, which is it?”

Cowboy looked a little lost for words, but finally shook his head. “Yeah, it’s a problem.” Then he muttered a few expletives under his breath before looking back at me. “I can’t…I mean, we can’t…”

“Oh.” Feeling like a presumptuous idiot, I turned away from him and quickly closed my robe, crossing my arms over my chest to keep it in place. What the hell was I thinking? He’d obviously changed his mind about us.

“Anna, wait.” He stepped up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “It’s not what you think.”

“It’s okay,” I said, holding back tears of embarrassment. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I get it.”

“Do you?” he asked, sounding painfully unsure. “You’ve been drinking and aren’t thinking clearly.”

“I understand the difference between a man who wants me and one who obviously doesn’t.”

“That’s not what I meant, Anna. I was only talking about the alcohol. That’s the reason we can’t do this. When we do, I want you to be sure, and I’m not entirely convinced you are.”

I turned around and looked into his eyes. “You think I’m throwing myself at you because I’m inebriated?”

He grinned. “Even drunk, you can’t stop using big words.”

I dropped my gaze and looked away. “This is embarrassing enough. You don’t have to make fun of me.”

“Darlin’, I’m not poking fun. I think it’s adorable the way you talk.” Using one finger, he lifted my chin. “Look, your first time should be special. Not some post-drinking binge decision.”

I blinked at him in horror. “What?”

“I don’t mind being your first, Anna. But not like this. I know you’re probably nervous about being with a man, but we don’t have to rush into having sex.”

“You know, you have a really infuriating and insulting concept of me,” I told him, crossing my arms once again.

“Sweetheart, I’m not trying to make you feel bad about being inexperienced. I’m just trying to tell you it’s okay. You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. It’s not a problem.”

“Apparently, Houston, we do have a problem.” I pursed my mouth, trying to control my temper, then blew out a breath at his puzzled look. “I’m not a virgin.”

The shocked look on his face was almost laughable. And I probably would’ve laughed if it hadn’t been for the annoying way he was staring at me. As if I were tainted or something.

I shook my head with irritation. “Your silence is deafening.”

“I’m just a little…surprised, that’s all.”

And disappointed, perhaps? Was that what he wanted from the beginning? “What does it matter, anyway? It has no bearing on—”

He shoved to his feet and started pacing. “When?”

I gave him an ill look. “It wasn’t recent, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“So this whole time, you’ve been acting innocent and toying with me?”

“Toying with you?” Confusion filled my head. “What are you talking about?”

“Your shyness about being touched, the virginal wardrobe, and the whole insecure schoolgirl routine you put out there. It was all an act?” He paced behind my couch for several beats. “Hell, woman, you might as well have been winking at me in the dark.”

“Well, I’m so sorry if you didn’t see my tramp stamp posted clearly on my back,” I said.

“Jesus Christ, now you have a tattoo?”

Oh God. This was getting ridiculous. I stood and swiveled toward him, blowing out a hard breath. “No, you’re missing the point entirely.”

“Then maybe you better explain it to me.”

“That’s just it, Cowboy. I don’t owe you any sort of explanation just because you assumed I was a virgin. If you wanted to know, then you should’ve asked.”

He gaped at me. “I didn’t just make that shit up in my head,” he yelled. “You pretended to be innocent.”

“I didn’t pretend anything,” I said, insulted by the accusation.

“Look, I’m not upset that you aren’t a virgin. I’m just not real keen on the idea about another man putting his hands on you. Especially when that bastard was married.”

“Married? What are you talking about?”

“It was Chief Swanson, wasn’t it? That’s who you were sleeping with?”

“What? No. Of course not.” I shook my head in disbelief that he would even think such a thing.

“Look, I already know he was sleeping with someone else before his wife came back in the picture. He dies and then suddenly you show up in town, claiming that you don’t know him, yet I find you at his grave kissing his headstone and spouting off apologies.”

“I already told you I didn’t know him,” I shouted, letting the anger consume me. “Excuse me if I don’t go around screwing strangers, like you—” I cringed internally at the words that had slipped out.

“You done yet?”

“No. I’m. Not.” I pushed back my hair and blew my bangs out of my eyes. “To quell your curiosity, I lost my virginity a long time ago. I don’t know why you consider that such an affront to your masculinity, but if it’s such a problem that I’m not the pure woman you assumed I was, then I don’t need you.”

“So you expected to drop something like this on me and not allow me to have time to process it?”

“There’s nothing to process. My past experiences are my own, and unless you’re willing to bare your dating lifespan to me, then it’s none of your business what I did or who I did it with.”

“Fine!”

“Fine!” I yelled back.

He grabbed his hat off the coffee table, turned on his heel, and stormed out to his truck. Throwing it in drive, he peeled out, spitting gravel across my lawn while stirring up a cloud of dust. Stumped by his anger, I slammed the door and sank into my couch. Well, just great.

I’d thought the night would’ve ended differently. Prince Charming was supposed to sweep me off my feet and carry me to bed. But that just goes to show why I’d never believed in fairy tales to begin with. The prince isn’t always charming and the princess isn’t always a virgin.

The next night, Bobbie Jo and Emily squeezed through the crowd of the bar and hurried toward me. They took a seat at the little round table in the corner that I’d been holding for us.

“We got here as fast as we could,” Bobbie Jo said. “What’s wrong?”

“I just needed someone to talk to.”

“But you said to come quick,” Emily said. “What’s the big emergency?”

“Well, I…uh…” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I want to have sex with Cowboy,” I blurted out.

Emily laughed. “Who doesn’t?”

“No, let me rephrase. I’m going to have sex with Cowboy…er, well I thought I was, anyway.”

Bobbie Jo shook her head. “Oh, Lord, I can’t believe you drank the Cowboy Kool-Aid.” Guess Emily hadn’t filled her in yet.

“It’s always the quiet ones,” Emily said, grinning. “So I guess last night didn’t go as planned?”

I blushed, not knowing how to explain the situation to them and maintain any bit of dignity I had left. “I think I made a mistake.”

“What do you mean you made a mistake? What’d he do to you?” Bobbie Jo asked, looking like she was about to send out an all-girl mob to remove Cowboy’s testicles.

“He didn’t do anything. That’s the problem.” My cheeks grew hotter. “I tried to seduce him and…well, he rejected me.”

Both girls blinked, as if I’d just told them aliens had taken over the planet. “Really?” Bobbie Jo asked.

Emily shook her head adamantly. “I didn’t think he was capable of turning down sex. Are you sure he understood what you were offering?”

“Oh, he understood, all right. And he turned me down flat.”

“Well, then it’s his loss. Right, Bobbie Jo?” Emily paused, waiting for a response, but when none came, she elbowed her friend. “Bobbie Jo?”

“Really?” Bobbie Jo said again, clearly still not believing Cowboy shot down a female offering him sex.

I sighed. “Who am I kidding? Obviously, I’m the first girl he’s ever turned down. Whatever. It’s not like I would really know how to please a man like him, anyway.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Bobbie Jo said, her eyes filling with pity. “You don’t have to be embarrassed by your shortcomings in that department. We’ve all been a virgin at some point, Anna. It’s natural to want to—”

“Why is everyone assuming I’m a virgin?”

Emily keeled over with laughter. “Holy shit! You’re not?”

God, I wished I had a hole to crawl into. “You know, just because I don’t look like one of those centerfold girls doesn’t mean I haven’t had offers.” I rose from my chair and grabbed my purse. “Never mind. This whole thing is embarrassing enough without being laughed at.”

Emily looked like a dog that had done something terribly wrong. Her eyes widened as her mouth drooped into a frown. “Oh, Anna. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were this upset. Please don’t go.” Her warm hand captured mine. “I’m probably not the best one to talk to about this stuff. Maybe I should leave and let you talk to Bobbie Jo alone.”

I plopped back down into my chair. “No. It’s not you. I’m the one who should apologize. I guess I’m still a little worked up from my encounter with him last night.” And possibly even more on edge after finding another hostile note with horrid grammar in my mailbox earlier today: Bridges don’t burn theirselves. I shook it off, not allowing the dread to consume me. “I’m letting all my fears and self-doubts control my emotions. I’m sorry.”

Emily shook her head and gave my hand a squeeze. “Sweetie, there’s nothing to forgive. I’m sorry I assumed anything about you. It wasn’t fair.”

“Me, too,” Bobbie Jo said. “And I’m guessing Cowboy made the same assumption?”

I nodded. “Yes, but I told him the truth and he got mad. Then he stormed out. I don’t really know what happened. I thought maybe you two could shed some light on what I did wrong.”

Bobbie Jo huffed out a breath. “Listen to me, Anna. You did nothing wrong. Maybe he was just as surprised as we were and had a bad reaction.”

“Yeah, like a coping mechanism,” Emily agreed. “He’s probably kicking himself in the ass right about now.”

“Well, he’s not the only one,” I told them. “I felt like such a fool for throwing myself at him like I did. Especially after what I went through the first time.”

Bobbie Jo looked puzzled. “You threw yourself at him before last night?”

“No. I meant…the last time I was with a man, the one who took my virginity.” I covered my face with my hands. “Oh, gosh. I swore I was never doing it again.”

“Technically, you aren’t,” Emily said with a grin. “Losing your virginity, I mean.”

“She gets the point,” Bobbie Jo said, rolling her eyes. “I think she meant sex. Right, Anna?”

“Yes, I meant sex. I…don’t like it.”

“What?” Emily shouted, stiffening in her seat. “What the hell do you mean you don’t like sex?”

I put my hand over my heart and felt it beating fast inside my chest. These women were my friends, but I knew it would be hard to tell them what I’d hidden inside me for so long. “I had a bad experience…the first time.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bobbie Jo asked softly.

I nodded, but was reluctant to speak. I’d never mentioned it to anyone else before now. “I went on a few dates with this guy and was afraid he would get frustrated and possibly lose interest if I wasn’t willing to…well, you know.”

“Anna, did he hurt you?” Emily asked, blunt as usual.

Bobbie Jo gave her a sour look.

“It’s okay. I should’ve seen the red flags. He never really seemed to care about what I wanted. Everything was always about him. He chose which restaurant we went to and which movie we watched together. And by the fifth date, when he pressed the issue, I just…well, I didn’t want to be a virgin forever and thought maybe it was better than nothing.”

“No,” Emily said adamantly. “Better than nothing is not good enough.”

“He took advantage of your sweet vulnerability, Anna. No man should ever do that to a woman,” Bobbie Jo added.

Shame trickled throughout my body. “I didn’t enjoy it. Not that I expected to since it was my first time. But I wanted him to stop. He was too rough and was hurting me, but I didn’t say anything. I just wanted the whole encounter to end quickly.” I visibly shuddered and closed my eyes. “I wasn’t aroused. Not really. But he just kept poking and stabbing at me. I just lay there until he was finished and finally rolled off me. It was the most humiliating moment of my life.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed about,” Emily assured me. “That guy was an asshole. Don’t keep yourself from having a relationship—sexual or otherwise—with someone else because you’re afraid that they’ll be the same way. This time, you just need to make sure it’s with the right person.”

“Is that your way of saying you don’t think Cowboy is the right person?” I asked.

Bobbie Jo smiled. “Do you think he’s the right person? Because that’s really all that matters.”

“That, and the fact that he’s the Legend of the South,” Emily said, winking. “After all, that is what women around here say about him. He’s supposed to be a wonderful lover. Might be a wise move to get a lesson from the master.” She laughed a little. “Anna, have you ever had an orgasm?”

“Emily!” Bobbie Jo yelled.

“No,” I answered honestly, not giving her time to retract the question. “No man ever gave me one.”

Emily’s eyes widened slightly. “Well, why the hell are you waiting for a man to give you one? No one knows how to please you better than yourself. Give yourself one.”

Bobbie Jo shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Emily’s right. You can’t show a man what you like if you don’t really know yourself.”

“And faking an orgasm isn’t going to do him any favors,” Emily added. “It would just be you cheating yourself out of pleasure. You need to communicate what you want.”

“So, um…have you two ever…”

“What? Masturbated?” Emily leaned back in her chair with a huge grin. “Yep. In fact, I handcuffed Jake to the bed last night and let him watch. He loved it.”

“Oh God!” Bobbie Jo laughed. “Ever heard of TMI? You know I’m going to make fun of Jake for that one.”

“Don’t you dare! He’d kill me if he knew I told you that.”

I giggled. “What about you, Bobbie Jo?”

She grinned. “Are you kidding? I’m a single mom to a five-month-old. There’s not exactly a line of men banging down my door at the moment. I’m basically dating my vibrator.”

Emily and I laughed, but Bobbie Jo turned serious. “This is the thing, Anna. Whether it’s with Cowboy or someone else, don’t assume that because you sleep with someone that he’ll fall in love. You see what I’m going through with Jeremy. It’s not a fun situation to be in. Be careful.”

“I agree,” Emily said, nodding. “Some men are dogs and are always sniffing around for the next female in heat.”

“So, you’re saying that’s what Cowboy is doing?”

The girls glanced at each other and smiled. Then Bobbie Jo said, “No, I think you scared that hound dog up a tree. He probably anticipated a longer wait, but you put a stop to the chase and offered him up the reward. Now he doesn’t know what to do about it.”

“Maybe I should call him and—”

“God, no!” Emily shouted. “Jesus. Don’t make it so easy for him. For a man like Cowboy, it’s all about the chase. This time, he just barked up the wrong tree. If I’ve learned anything about him over the past year of knowing him, he’s probably at home right now, scooting his ass on the floor in circles trying to figure you out.”

“She’s right, Anna. Let him stew for a while,” Bobbie Jo suggested. “He’ll come pawing back at your door when he’s ready.”

Feeling a little unsure and apprehensive, I looked down and tangled my fingers together in my lap. “About that…” I said, lifting my head as my eyes glossed over. “There’s something else I haven’t told you, yet.”

Chapter Fifteen

Three days passed before a knock sounded on my door. Actually, it wasn’t a knock. More like a persistent banging. I slipped on my robe and pulled the wet towel from my still-damp hair, then went to answer it.

“Hold on a second,” I yelled as I made my way through the house.

After receiving two more ominous notes over the past few days, I sure as hell wasn’t about to swing open the door for just anyone. Even if it was only late afternoon. I hadn’t mentioned the notes to anyone because it was silly to worry my friends for nothing, but the threats had become more volatile. Since I was largely ignoring the Barlow brothers’ attempts at intimidating me, I was positive it wouldn’t be long before they tried something different to provoke me into a reaction.

But when I glimpsed through the peephole, it wasn’t the troublesome neighbors staring back at me. With a huff, I threw open the door.

Cowboy filled the doorway wearing his gray plaid button-down with the pearl snaps, which was only halfway tucked into the waist of his jeans. The hem of his pants sat on top of his boots, as if he’d thrown his clothes on in a hurry.

I crossed my arms. “What do you want?”

“We need to talk,” he said, brushing past me into my living room.

My eyes narrowed at his intrusion. “Why?”

But he didn’t seem to notice the irritation in my stance or my voice. He was too busy pacing around in circles beside my couch with a sour look on his face. I shut the door, but I didn’t move toward him.

“Come sit down,” he ordered, red-faced and still pacing the floor.

“I’m happy to watch the volcano erupt from here, thank you very much.”

He stopped moving and looked directly at me. “Okay, fine,” he grumbled. There was a slight pause as he cleared his throat, readying himself to say whatever he came here to tell me. “I didn’t mean to walk out on you the other night.”

“Oh, you mean after your little tantrum?”

“It wasn’t a tantrum. You just caught me off guard. If you hadn’t led me to believe you were a virgin, I would’ve—”

“You would’ve what? Tried to get into my pants sooner?” I shook my head and a disgusted sound gurgled from my throat. “You have a lot of nerve putting all this on me. I never told you I was a virgin. If you assumed that, then…well, that’s on you.”

I tapped my foot, waiting for his response, but he hesitated as he rubbed at the back of his neck. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to blame you. I came here to rectify my mistake.”

“You turned me down, Cowboy. So what…now that you’re ready for me, I’m supposed to just roll over and let you have your way with me?”

“Christ, no. That’s not what I meant.” Cowboy shrugged. “I just meant that I came here to apologize for my behavior. It was uncalled for.”

I moved away from the door and sat down on the couch. I didn’t know why, but I felt the need to explain my situation to him. “Look, I had a bad sexual experience. Someone abused my trust and…well, he did things that hurt me. I don’t want to go through that again.”

“Some bastard hurt you? Tell me who the motherfucker is and I’ll kill him.” Cowboy blew out a deep breath and lowered his voice. “I’m sorry…that he hurt you, I mean.” Despite his soft tone, Cowboy’s hands fisted at his sides and his body vibrated with anger. He wasn’t sorry. He was pissed.

“Thanks, but it’s in the past, and I don’t want to dwell on it.” I glanced up at his eyes and felt the first dagger of pity slice into me. “Stop looking at me like that. I didn’t tell you so that you’d feel sorry for me. I just wanted you to understand.”

He nodded, but didn’t speak.

A rush of heat flooded my cheeks, but I needed to be honest with him to avoid any more misunderstandings. “Listen, I don’t have the kind of, um, experience you do.” I gestured to a pile of books across the room on an end table—books I’d spent the last three days reading. “I checked out some self-help books from the library and spent the last few days going over them.”

Cowboy walked over and lifted a book from the top of the stack. “You’re reading a how-to manual on sex?” he asked, clearly shocked by the revelation.

I cringed, but it was too late to turn back now. “I bought some DVDs as well. They’re all about self-empowerment for women in the bedroom.”

He glanced at the DVDs sitting on the entertainment center, and he blinked. The top one’s cover displayed a nearly naked woman with a man’s hands covering her breasts. “So what you’re basically telling me is that you’re reading sex books and watching porn?”

“No! Of course not.” I closed my eyes and sighed. No sense in getting defensive. “I was doing some, um, research.”

He looked at me as if I were crazy. “On sex?”

“Yes.” I blushed again. “I wanted to prepare myself. And I didn’t want to be…ineffectual for you.”

His brows lowered. “Translation?”

God, this was so embarrassing. “I didn’t want to be bad in bed,” I said then sighed, thinking this conversation hadn’t gone over as well as I thought it would. “It’s just that…well, I felt stupid asking you to train me.”

“Train you?” Cowboy looked puzzled over my choice of words. “Hold up, Anna. Sex isn’t about training anyone.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, then how else would I find out that if you massaged a man’s perineum while performing fellatio he would ejaculate faster?”

The stunned look on Cowboy’s face lasted only seconds, then he grinned. “Darlin’, you don’t learn by reading clinical descriptions. You learn by doing what feels good.”

I nodded in agreement. “Oh, I know! I did that, too, by experimenting on myself.”

He rubbed a hand over his face as he contemplated what I’d said. “Did you just tell me you masturbated?”

I lowered my gaze briefly, wondering if that was something he found repulsive. “I mean the things I read were sort of arousing, and I wasn’t sure about a few of the sexual maneuvers and all the endless variations, so I…well, yeah.”

“Jesus.” Cowboy looked up at the ceiling with what possibly could’ve been exasperation. “What the hell is wrong with you women these days? I thought Emily said some derogatory things, but…” His gaze lowered onto me. “She has nothing on you.”

“Actually, Emily was the one who suggested it.”

“Oh, hell. Why am I not surprised?” He shook his head, then kicked off his boots. “That’s it. No more books or DVDs.” He pulled at his shirt until the buttons unsnapped and then he slid it from his shoulders and tossed it onto the couch next to me.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m doing you a favor. Don’t worry, I’m not going to touch you, and you can stop whenever you want, but the only way you’re going to learn about a man’s naked body is by seeing one in person. And I’ll be damned if I trust anyone else to do this with you.” He opened the button on his jeans and slid down the zipper. “Consider me your willing test subject.”

My gaze dropped to the small line of hair running into his pants. His lack of underwear had my cheeks heating again. He tossed his hat onto the couch and then pushed his jeans down with one hard shove.

I gasped and my hand flew to my chest. “Are you insane?”

Without a word, he stripped off his jeans and socks, leaving him completely nude and wielding a very large, rock solid erection. I tried to keep my eyes on his face as he paraded through my living room in the buff and made his way through the open door to my bedroom.

He was completely comfortable with himself as he crawled onto my bed and lay down, propping his head with my pillow. “You coming?” he asked.

It was a disarming gesture, one that left me speechless. But I had to admit that he provoked my curiosity. Maybe it was the lunacy of the situation or the psychological thrill of doing something so sinful. Or maybe it was just the way he, with his tight muscular ass, had climbed onto my bed while he offered up his delicious body for exploration. In any case, he had issued me a challenge.

I edged closer to the bedroom door, keeping my eyes on his. “Cowboy, I don’t think—”

“That’s the problem right there. Stop thinking.”

My gaze drifted downward. “Sort of hard to do when you aren’t wearing underwear…or anything else.”

“I go commando all the time,” he said nonchalantly. “Not a big deal. Now come in here and take a good look. I promise to keep my hands to myself.”

“I…I can’t.”

He picked his head up to get a better look at me through the open doorway. “Anna, you said you wanted to learn, right? Just pretend this is an art class, and I’m your nude model.”

With his spectacular chest, wide shoulders, and his other manly attributes, that wasn’t so hard to picture. But this wasn’t an art room filled with other artists all staring at the man on my bed. It was just me. Us, actually…in a terribly intimate setting. And if he was the one lying spread-eagled under the glaring, dome-shaped light in my bedroom, then why did I feel like I was the one who was exposed and vulnerable?

“Yes, but…”

A smile played on his lips as he leaned back and put his hands behind his head. “Reckon you have yourself a live study at your disposal.”

To his credit, he was in excellent shape. And definitely willing. But I wasn’t entirely comfortable staring at his naked form spread gloriously across my sheets. Especially when he was visually excited. Then again, if he didn’t feel ashamed, why should I?

I bit my lip, feeling painfully inhibited. “I can do anything I want?”

“Darlin’, you have my permission to do whatever your little heart desires. Well, within reason. No crazy bondage shit, okay? I don’t like the idea of being trussed up like some rodeo calf. Now get over here.” He patted the spot next to him on the bed.

I walked slowly into the room, keeping my gaze locked onto his, rather than his other male parts as I neared the bed. He smiled at me. “Sweetheart, it’s okay. Really.”

“If I do this, I think my moral compass is going to go way off the mark.”

He chuckled. “Nah. You’re overanalyzing it. Just look at it this way. If I’d have slept with you when I had the chance, you would’ve already done a lot more than this.”

“True, but still…”

Cowboy reached out and took my hand, pulling me down into a sitting position next to him. “Let me earn your trust, Anna. The bastard who hurt you didn’t deserve it, but I want to show you that I do. I’m not him, and I won’t hurt you. Ever.”

“I know that. It’s just…well, I don’t know what to do.”

He gave me a wink, then flattened my palm against his chest. “Start here,” he said, guiding my hand down to where his erection curved over his belly. “And work your way down…to this.”

Holy hell.

I jerked my hand back. “Um, maybe we should start a little slower.”

“Suit yourself,” Cowboy said, laughing at my reaction.

“If you’re trying to embarrass me, it’s working.”

“Darlin’, I’m not trying to embarrass you. All I want is for you to feel more comfortable with me and less self-conscious about yourself. Trust me when I say that there’s nothing you can do here that’s wrong.” Cowboy rested his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. “Just think of it as therapeutic massage,” he instructed.

“Am I being graded for this, teacher?” I asked.

He smiled. “Don’t worry. I’m grading on a curve.” Then he cracked one eye open to make sure I got his stupid joke. The humor helped ease the stress and humiliation coursing through my veins.

I shifted closer, folding my knees beneath me. My hand reached back out to touch his stomach, but I hesitated.

“Do you want me to talk about the weather or something to calm your nerves?”

“No. Just…be quiet. And close your eyes. I can’t concentrate with you talking and looking at me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, wearing a huge grin.

Most likely he was surprised I was actually going through with his ridiculous idea. Or maybe he thought I wouldn’t and that’s why he was so amused. But I’d never been able to inspect a man’s nude body—especially one as fully equipped as Cowboy’s—at my own leisure before. So, in the name of research… Okay, maybe that’s the excuse I’d used to convince myself.