Текст книги "Hold on tight"

Автор книги: Abbi Glines

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

able to let him go. Not in my heart. And didn’t I deserve to be loved? To know what it felt like to be

held like Preston held Amanda? To know that the man beside me wanted only me?

He was right. I deserved more.

I pushed him away, and he went without a fight. Closing my eyes, I caught my breath. “I want

more. I can’t. I can’t do this with you and have it mean nothing to you. If you’re going to walk away

from me, then I can’t do it. I’ll want more. I don’t want a taste of something I can never have.”

I opened my eyes. Dewayne’s hands were tucked in his pockets, and he hung his head as he took

deep breaths. He looked defeated. I felt defeated. The young girl inside me who thought Dewayne

Falco was my own prince charming was realizing he wasn’t. He was a man. Just like any other.

“I’m sorry, so fucking sorry,” he said, still not looking at me.

This was it. I couldn’t go back inside. Not after he had hauled me out of there like that. I would call

Amanda and apologize later. Right now I just wanted to go home.

I didn’t tell him good-bye. I’d see him again soon enough. He would come see Micah. I would

pretend like I didn’t feel something for him. I would act as if he hadn’t hurt me. I would deal. I was

good at surviving. I could survive this.

Luckily, Amanda had driven to Live Bay with me, so I had my car here. Preston had dropped her

off at my house earlier, and she’d helped me get dressed. She wouldn’t need me to give her a ride

home. I climbed in my car and turned it toward home. To put on my pajamas and cuddle on the couch

with the little boy there who loved me. The one man in my life who I would be enough for. I always

had my son.

I was still three miles from home when the car started jerking. This had happened once before and I

had managed to crank it back up after it went dead. I just didn’t need it to happen now, on a dark road.

I pulled the car over to the side of the road just as it gave up the struggle. I waited a few minutes

and tried starting it up, but it was completely dead. I couldn’t sit here all night. I had to move.

Besides, I had walked three miles home before. Maybe not at night, but I had walked three miles.

I grabbed my purse and took my keys with me, then headed the rest of the way home on foot. My

feet were going to have blisters after walking three miles in these boots. That was the least of my

problems, though. In the morning I had to find a tow truck service I could afford.

DEWAYNE

I didn’t go back inside after she walked away. Instead, I leaned against the wall and laid my head back

as her words returned to me in a rush. She wanted more. She wasn’t willing to let me take her and

have that be it.

She knew her self-worth. She wasn’t willing to have casual sex. She respected her body. She was

fucking perfect. I’d actually told her I didn’t do relationships and that what we were doing was a fuck

and nothing more. What kind of sorry motherfucker does that to a woman like Sienna?

Touching her had been . . . God . . . it had been amazing. She smelled even better than I’d imagined.

I could still smell her on my hand. It was reminding me of what I wasn’t good enough for. Dancing

with her and feeling her body against mine had worked me into a frenzy. One only Sienna Roy could

satisfy.

No one in that club appealed to me.

I didn’t dance, but I had held her in my arms, and there I was, dancing with her. Holding her close.

Enjoying every minute of it. Then she’d moved against my leg and trembled in my arms, and all I

could think of was touching her. Making her come on my hand. Watching her.

I sank down to the ground and sat there. Songs played inside, and I could hear when Jackdown took

the stage. The crowd roared, and I closed my eyes and wished like hell I had been stronger. Better.

“You gonna sit out here all night and beat yourself up for whatever the hell you did, or get up and

go check on her?”

I opened my eyes to see Rock standing over me.

“She doesn’t want to see me,” I told him.

Rock cocked an eyebrow. “Really? ’Cause the girl I met inside looked at you like you were some

angel from heaven. For a minute there I thought you might walk on fucking water and not have told

us.”

Normally, a comment like that would’ve made me laugh. But right now I felt sick to my stomach.

“She left. I told her all I’d ever be was a one-time fuck, and she said she wanted more. That she

deserved more. And she’s right. So I let her go.”

Rock didn’t respond right away. He agreed with her, I was sure. Everyone saw how amazing she

was. It was easy to see.

“I’ve known you all my life. And I’ve never seen you treat anyone the way you treat Sienna. Not

when we were in high school and not now. She’s your one. The one who reaches you. The one who

makes you different.”

“She was Dustin’s,” I said, reminding him that in high school she was never mine. I had protected

her when my brother hadn’t. Nothing more.

“No one was ever Dustin’s one. We both know that. I believe Sienna may be the only one who

doesn’t know that.”

“Don’t. He loved her. He made mistakes. He was a kid.”

Rock shook his head. “It’s time you faced some things. One of those things is that Dustin never

deserved Sienna. You did. You gave her to him. She wanted you, and you handed her to him.”

“She was a kid!” I yelled. I didn’t want to hear this. Dustin had loved that girl. He had since he was

little. He’d made some mistakes, but he’d have done anything to protect Sienna.

“Explain Kimmy Bart, then. Make it make sense in your head. Because it never has in mine,” Rock

said, then turned and walked away.

I watched him leave. I hated that he had brought up Kimmy Bart. I didn’t want to think about her. I

didn’t want to remember what she’d done to my family. The pain she’d caused when we hadn’t needed

it.

She’d been one of Dustin’s biggest mistakes. One I’d never wanted Sienna to know about. It would

destroy her.

When I finally got up and went to my truck, I decided I’d drive by Sienna’s to make sure her car

was parked in the driveway. I would sleep better knowing she was home safe. I should have followed

her since she was upset, but I had needed space and time to think first.

My headlights illuminated a car pulled off the side of the road, and my heart stopped. It was

Sienna’s. Shit! I slammed on my brakes and jumped out of the truck, but Sienna wasn’t in the car. I

grabbed my phone out of my pocket and dialed her number while I jumped back in my truck and

searched for her on the side of the road.

It went to voice mail.

Shit.

I’d started to dial her number again when a text lit up my screen.

Sienna: I’m in bed. I don’t feel like talking tonight.

So she was home. Who had she called?

Me: I found your car. How did you get home?

Sienna: I walked.

Shit! That was at least three miles in the dark. Anything could have happened to her.

Me: Why didn’t you call me?

She should have called me. She had my number. I’d told her if she ever needed me to call me.

Sienna: I needed space from you. I made it home okay. Thanks for checking.

I dropped the phone to the seat beside me and drove by her house just to be sure she was okay. Then

I called my dad to tell him to keep an eye on her because she didn’t have a car.

After that I called Jimbo down at the wrecker service and paid him extra to get his ass out of bed

and come tow that piece of shit to the junkyard. I told him I’d come get everything out of it in the

morning.

Sienna was getting a new car. A safe car. Because I wasn’t giving her an option. I was buying her

and Micah a decent car. She wasn’t walking home in the dark ever again.

SIENNA

Tabby had brought Micah home the next morning to see me before I had to go to work. She’d said that

Dewayne had said to let me know he’d had my car hauled off to the shop last night. He would be

bringing my things by later and not to worry about it. She’d also said that when I was ready to leave I

should bring Micah back over and take her car. She wouldn’t be needing it.

Micah had been telling me about his time with Mama T and Grandpa Dave ever since she’d left, so

I hadn’t had a chance to decide what I thought about Dewayne handling my car problem. On one hand,

him having it hauled was helpful, but I didn’t have an unlimited budget. I’d planned to shop around

for the cheapest rate.

“Did you know that Mama T and Grandpa Dave have pictures of you when you was little? I saw

them last night, and you used to have lots of freckles. Did you get them erased?”

I laughed and pulled Micah onto my lap and cuddled with him. “They faded as I got older and I

stopped running around outside all the time.”

Micah slipped his little arms around me. “You smell good, Momma. I missed you.”

I kissed the top of his head. “I missed you, too, Ace. So much.”

“Mama T said Uncle Dewayne may be coming over today. Think he’ll throw the football with me?”

I ran my hand over his silky hair. “I’m sure he will. Your Uncle Dewayne loves you.” That was

something I was sure of.

“When you get off work tonight, are we gonna have a movie night?”

“Yes, we are. Is it a Jedi night, or will we be pirates?”

He tilted his head back and smiled up at me. “We can be pirates. I know you like Captain Jack.”

I laughed and tickled him while he giggled and squirmed.

“Momma. Hey, Momma,” he said when he caught his breath. “I heard Mama T tell Grandpa Dave

that she wished my last name was Falco like Daddy’s.”

I froze. Once, I had wanted that too. But now I wasn’t sure. Everyone would know then. Was I

ready for that?

“I like having the same last name as you. I don’t wanna change it,” he said, looking concerned.

I pulled him back into my arms in a hug. “If you want to be a Roy, then you can be,” I told him.

“But even if your last name isn’t Falco, you’re a Falco, kiddo.”

He wrapped his arms around my neck. “I want to be what you are.”

I held him close and breathed him in. He didn’t have that baby smell anymore, and I missed it. But

my little boy was growing up. Every day I saw more of his father in him.

“I love you, Micah,” I told him.

“I love you more, Momma.”

Not getting enough sleep last night was weighing on me. I was exhausted, and I had three blisters

on my feet, which wasn’t helping. It was getting harder to cover up my yawns. Hillary had caught me

yawning twice already. I knew she didn’t like me looking like I had partied hard all night. If she only

knew the truth. I would explain about my car so she would at least know the reason I was obviously

tired. I didn’t want her thinking this was from a night of partying.

“You got a customer, Sienna,” Gretchen called out. I turned around to see Cam Dodge dressed in

his dress shirt and tie. I hadn’t expected to see him again, much less coming in for a haircut.

“Okay, I’m free for the next hour,” I said, and smiled at Cam.

His grin looked somewhat apologetic. I don’t know why. He had nothing to be sorry over. We had

gone out once. No big deal that it had been almost two weeks ago.

“I need a trim,” he said, walking toward me. I motioned for him to take a seat in my chair, and then

I put a cape over him and fastened it around his neck.

“Your current hairdresser unavailable?” I asked.

He gave me that crooked grin that made him cute. “I normally go to the barber shop. You’re easier

on the eyes than Bill.”

Smiling, I reached for a comb and checked out his hair. “You want a wash and style too, or just a

trim?”

“Are you the one who will wash it?” he asked, looking at me in the mirror.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Then yeah, wash me up. I’m filthy.”

This time I laughed. I doubted Cam had ever been filthy. He was always so clean and put together

that he reminded me of a politician.

“Okay. Let’s get you clean first, then,” I told him, and led him back to the sinks.

I normally didn’t think anything of washing men’s hair, but the fact that Cam wanted me to wash it

made me a little self-conscious. I made sure I had the water at a comfortable temperature for him,

then tried really hard to focus on washing his hair and not thinking about the fact that he could

probably see down my shirt when I leaned. Most guys closed their eyes when you washed their hair,

but Cam’s eyes were open.

“You smell really good,” he said, making me even more nervous. I didn’t like being flirted with

when I did hair.

“Thanks,” I replied. I quickly finished washing him and got the towel around his head, then led him

back to his seat.

When he was back in my chair, his eyes met mine in the mirror. “What are you doing tomorrow

night?” he asked.

I was doing nothing. Well, that wasn’t true. I was probably watching one of the Star Wars movies

with my son. “Not sure.”

He nodded and looked let down. “Is my not calling going to be held against me?”

No. Not really. I didn’t blame him for not calling. I wouldn’t have called me either after that

craziness.

“No,” I assured him as I began combing his hair.

“So if I asked you out for tomorrow night . . . ?”

“I would have to speak with my son first. Then I’d need to talk to his grandparents,” I told him.

He nodded. “Fair enough. When you do that, let me know. I’d like another chance. One where we

don’t run into your son’s uncle.”

Cam was a nice guy. He was attractive. But he wasn’t Dewayne. No one would ever be Dewayne.

But I needed the guys I dated to at least make me forget Dewayne. Cam never would. I’d always be

missing Dewayne’s tattoos and piercings and dreadlocks.

“I think that I’m a waste of your time, Cam. I have baggage, and I’m not emotionally ready to

date.”

There, I had been honest. Cam frowned, then let out a sigh. “Fair enough. I figured there was more

between you and Dewayne Falco than just your son.”

I couldn’t even argue with him.

I finished cutting his hair, and we talked about the weather, what could possibly be wrong with my

car, and the high school cafeteria food. Then he paid me, tipped me way too much, and left.

I might have made a mistake turning him away, but I didn’t ever want to hurt someone. I knew how

that felt, and there was no point in him wasting his time with me. I was a mess.

Six years ago . . .

DEWAYNE

Preston pulled up outside a house surrounded by cars, with loud music pumping out of the speakers.

There were empty beer cans in the yard and even more red Solo cups. A bunch of guys were doing

shots off some chick’s stomach on the front porch.

“You sure you want to do this? We partied too when we were in school. Ain’t like Dustin is doing

anything we didn’t do,” Preston said, looking around at the high school party with illegal drinking

going on. Whoever lived here must have been left home alone by really stupid parents.

“This shit ain’t Dustin. He has college scouts looking at him. He has a life we can’t imagine

waiting on him. He shouldn’t be here, and he sure as hell shouldn’t have Sienna here with him. This

isn’t safe.”

Preston chuckled. “Shit always comes back to Sienna,” he said, but I ignored him as we walked up

the sidewalk.

A couple of the guys on the basketball team recognized me and called out to me. They were all

smashed. I ignored them. They were making a mistake. This wasn’t going to get them anywhere but

fucking prison.

I wouldn’t let that happen to my brother.

“Where’s Dustin?” I asked one of them.

“He’s got Kimmy up in a bedroom, more than likely,” someone called out.

Kimmy? Kimmy the blond cheerleader Kimmy? Oh, fuck no, he wasn’t that stupid. She’d slept

with Preston our senior year. She’d slept with a lot of my graduating class.

I headed inside and straight up the stairs. Preston was behind me. “He’s a kid. We sure as hell

weren’t relationship material when we were his age. We fucked anything that was hot and had a pussy.

You can’t blame him for not being satisfied—”

I turned and got in Preston’s face, shutting him up. “Don’t. Sienna is different. We never had a

Sienna. So don’t fucking compare that shit. He’s fucking up his life.”

Preston threw his hands in the air and backed up. “Fine. Go knock some sense into him. Not me.

Him. I like my face all nice and pretty.”

Preston was hard to get mad at. I turned back around and headed for the first door, opening it and

finding some random girl’s tits, and her mouth wrapped around a guy’s dick.

Next room. I swung open the door just as my brother’s name was being screamed by a girl who was

not Sienna. Fucking idiot!

“You little dipshit! What the fuck are you doing?” I roared. The girl squealed, and all Dustin did

was look back at me and grin. He was drunk. His eyes were bloodshot, and he had a goofy look on his

face.

“I’m fucking,” he replied, and pumped his hips into the girl, who was scrambling to cover herself.

“She’s been wanting my dick for two years. I started giving it to her ’cause she likes it hard and dirty.”

More information than I needed to know.

“Dude, you so need to shut up before he beats the hell out of you,” Preston said from behind me.

“Little brother or not, you’re drunk and screwing someone who isn’t Sienna when you know how he is

about Sienna.”

“Did you break up with Sienna?” I asked him, trying to figure out why he would be in here with this

slut when he had the world in his hands.

Dustin frowned. “Break up with Sienna? Hell no. She’s my girl. Love her. Wouldn’t break up with

her for this,” he said, nodding to the girl underneath him, who cursed at him and slapped his chest.

“You can’t love Sienna and do this shit to her,” I told him, still trying to figure out what the hell

had happened to my brother.

“Yeah, I can. Sienna’s my baby. Love her. You just gotta be easy with her. She can’t take it hard.

Kimmy lets me fuck her in the janitor’s closet at school, and she even sucks my dick in the locker

room before a game.”

Shit. Dustin had lost his mind. “Get dressed. We’re leaving. Now.”

Dustin stood up. His dick was still hard, and I saw then that he didn’t have a condom on.

Motherfucker!

“Oh shit, he ain’t wrapping that thing up,” Preston said, pointing out the obvious.

“You selfish asshole! You’re cheating on Sienna and you’re not protecting her? What the hell is

wrong with you?”

Dustin looked down at his dick and groaned. “Shit. I forgot. I was drinking and she was stroking me

outside, and then I was up here and inside her. Forgot about the condom.”

“You gotta tell Sienna. She needs to go get checked. Get dressed. I’m taking you home.”

Dustin’s eyes went wide. “I ain’t telling Sienna this shit! She’ll break up with me. She won’t

forgive me, and I need her. She’s my girl. Always been my girl. Besides, she’s got the best damn

titties of any girls I’ve had.”

I took a step toward him, needing to slam my fist into his face, when Preston jumped in front of me

and pushed Dustin back. “He’s sixteen and he’s drunk. Really damn drunk. Calm down. You can make

sure Sienna gets tested. Just don’t beat the hell out of him while he’s like this. He can’t fight back.”

“No. Can’t tell Sienna. Love her. She’s my girl. Love her. You can’t make her leave me. She’s my

one and only. You know. You love her too. We both love her. The Falco boys love Sienna Roy. And

her pretty titties. Fucking perfect titties.”

“Can y’all leave so I can get dressed?” Kimmy asked in an angry screech. “I’m sick of hearing

about his love for Sienna and her damn titties. It’s me who’s pregnant with his baby. Not her. Me. Me

who he fucks whenever he needs to get off. Not her. He treats her like a porcelain doll. She’s not

gonna be his baby momma. I am.”

Present day . . .

SIENNA

Dewayne had actually shown up instead of texting me to take Micah to his parents’ on Saturday

morning. Then he’d driven me to work, with Micah sitting between us in the truck, excited about

going to get breakfast with Dewayne after they dropped me off.

It was easy enough. Micah being there made it easy. I didn’t make eye contact with Dewayne if I

didn’t have to, and I focused on Micah. That was why I was even in this truck with Dewayne: Micah.

He did it all for Micah, and I understood that. He’d made sure I understood why he was doing this.

However, when Dewayne came walking into the shop at lunchtime to pick me up, he didn’t have

Micah with him.

“Where’s Micah?” I asked as I picked up my purse.

“My parents have him. We have to go get your car,” he replied.

Oh. Well, that was good. I thought. I just hoped I had enough money. I still owed for the towing,

too. I wasn’t sure who I owed it to and how much. I would find out once Dewayne and I got in his

truck.

“Hey, Dewayne,” Gretchen said, and wiggled her long pink fingernails at him, then winked.

He didn’t do anything more than nod at her, and then he motioned for the door. “Ready?” he asked.

I waved at Hillary and Gretchen, although at the moment I wasn’t in the mood to do anything but

scowl at Gretchen. I wished she’d never told me about her and Dewayne. I followed him outside. He

opened my door for me, and I climbed inside and buckled up.

Dewayne got in on his side and we were on the road without a word from either of us. I hoped this

wasn’t going to be a long, awkward ride.

“Reckon you’re not gonna be happy with me, but you’re gonna have to get over it and understand

that I’m doing what’s best for Micah.”

I tensed up. This didn’t sound good.

“I had your car towed to the junkyard where it belonged. It’s now scrap metal. Seeing as how I did

that, I owe you another car. I’ll gladly replace your old one, and although you’re ready to punch me in

the face right at this moment, you’re not going to because I’m driving and because you and I both

know Micah needs a safe vehicle. He also needs his momma in a safe vehicle. What you were driving

was as unsafe as it gets. And it was polluting the earth.”

I just stared at him. He’d had my car turned into scarp metal. My only means of transportation. My

paid-for car was now gone. “I can’t believe you did that,” I said, still in shock.

“I want you and Micah safe.”

We were safe. Well, maybe the car breaking down at night hadn’t been safe, but otherwise that car

had worked just fine. “I can’t just let you buy me a car,” I said, my voice raising a notch from the

panic. “I can’t . . . That isn’t something someone else buys you. It’s my job to supply a car for me and

my son. Not yours.”

Dewayne pulled into the Chevrolet car dealership. He was really doing this. I wasn’t going to let

him. I couldn’t.

“I’m buying my nephew a safe vehicle. You can’t stop me. I can buy his mother something to

safely carry him around in. Someone needs to take care of you, both of you. I’m the uncle. It’s my

job.”

I fisted up my hands and hit my thighs in frustration. “No, it isn’t!”

“Yeah, Little Red, it is. Now, I did some research on good family SUVs, and the Tahoe ranked

really well. It’s safe, and they have one here that’s two years old and in great condition. I want you to

come see what you think. If you like it, then it’s yours. If you don’t, then we will go to car lots all

damn day until you find something you love.”

“You can’t afford this,” I argued.

He cocked his head to the side. “Yeah, babe, I can. Now get your ass out of my truck and go look at

that Tahoe. They’re bringing it around now.”

Okay. Fine. I would look at it. But he was not buying it for me. For Micah. This was ridiculous.

* * *

An hour later I drove my new Chevy Tahoe off the lot and was completely in love. It had everything.

Even a sunroof. The radio worked and it had seat warmers. Micah was going to be giddy with

excitement over the television that flipped down from the ceiling.

When I had finally given in and admitted to loving the Tahoe, Dewayne had grinned like a little

boy on Christmas morning. He had been happy about it. How he was happy about dropping this kind of

money on someone made no sense. I was stressing out over the price, but Dewayne assured me that he

had the money and could pay cash. That he wanted to do this.

The title would be sent to me with my name on it in a few weeks. I owned this Tahoe. I could drive

it for at least the next ten years. The relief made me want to weep. I owned a house and a safe,

dependable car now. It made me feel humbled. I had never expected this. Ever.

I glanced in my rearview mirror and watched as Dewayne turned left at the red light, headed to

wherever he lived. I had never seen his place. I doubted I ever would unless Micah went there to visit

him.

The idea made me sad. I wanted to know what Dewayne’s house looked like. I wanted to see his

world. His life. But I wasn’t ever going to get that privilege. He had made sure I understood that.

I pulled into my driveway, and the front door flew open as Micah came running out with a huge

grin on his face. Tabby stood in my doorway, beaming. Dewayne must have called her.

I opened the door, and Micah jumped up in my arms. “Dewayne bought us this? For real? It’s

awesome!”

I nodded and blinked away the tears in my eyes. It was awesome.

“It even has a television,” I told him, letting him crawl inside to inspect it.

Tabby walked up, wiping her tears and grinning. “He’s a good man. He just doesn’t realize it. He

doubts himself, but my boy is as good as they come. Always has had a heart of gold. Just need him to

wake up and see that.”

“This is too much. I can’t believe he bought this. I’m in awe, and I feel guilty for letting him,” I

admitted.

She laughed. “Girl, you didn’t have a choice. Once Dewayne decides he wants to do something,

then you’re sunk. He’s gonna do it. And he wanted you and Micah to have a safe vehicle. Besides, if

he saw how much fun Micah was having checking it out, he might go buy him another one.”

She was right. Dewayne was a good man. Much better than he let himself believe. Was it possible

that he needed someone to show him that he was special? Was that it? No woman had ever tried to

make him see how wonderful he was inside. Could I?

DEWAYNE

I had finished loading my dishwasher and was headed to the shower when a knock on the door stopped

me. I turned and went to open it. Sienna stood there holding a cake box and wore a nervous smile. I

was not expecting to see her at my door.

“Hey. Uh, Micah and I made you something. He loved the Tahoe. I had to force him to get out of it.

He wanted to stay in it and watch a movie tonight.”

That made me smile. We would have to take a road trip in it soon so he could watch his movie.

“I’m glad he approves,” I said, then stepped back to let her inside.

She looked around, and I could see the surprise on her face that it was clean. I didn’t do well with

messy shit. I liked my stuff put away. It was one reason I didn’t do roommates. I’d tried that once and

almost threw Preston’s crap out the window and into the parking lot one day, I’d gotten so sick of it.

“Your mom told Micah you like chocolate. So we made you a chocolate cake. The icing was

Micah’s job, so it’s creative,” she said.

I took the box from her hands and nodded toward the kitchen. “Come on,” I told her.

I needed to set the cake down and decide how I liked having her in my space. I had imagined her

here before, but then, those fantasies normally took place with her naked in my bed or shower. Once

she’d even been bent over my couch.

“You’re really clean. I don’t think I expected that,” she said, looking around.

I shrugged. “Don’t like things messy. Never have. Well, some things I like to get messy with.” I

shouldn’t have gone there. Not with her here in my place alone. I wanted things, and thinking about

doing messy things with her was too damn tempting.

“Oh,” she said, blushing, and looked away from me. The pink in her cheeks always was one of my

favorite things to see. That and her smile. Her eyes always twinkled in a way that could make

everything else okay.

“When you look at me like that, it makes me forget that you just want to fuck me one time and

nothing more.” Her words came out of nowhere, and hearing her say “fuck” didn’t help me.

“It’s hard not to look at you,” I admitted. “Always has been.”

Sienna let out a nervous laugh. “Well, it’s always been hard not to look at you, too. So I guess we

both have a problem. If we slept together, I’d want more of it. Once would never be enough. One kiss

wasn’t enough. I don’t think I could ever get my fill.”

What the hell . . . ?

Sienna was just laying it out there. Why? I’d told her that I couldn’t be what she wanted. I had tried

to hold her at arm’s length, so why would she walk into my apartment and tell me she could never get

enough of me? That was brave. Unbelievably so. It was time I admitted the truth too.

“If I get a taste of what it feels like to be inside you, I won’t be able to stop. Ever. I’ve been

addicted to you since I was seventeen years old. I fought it because you were my brother’s. Then I

fought it because I wasn’t worthy of you. It’s my fault he wrapped his car around that tree that night.

I’d threatened him, and he was drunk and ran off.”

I couldn’t tell her the rest. That I had been mad that he had gotten Kimmy pregnant and had been

cheating on Sienna for over a year. I never wanted her to know that. Ever.

“Dustin made his own mistakes,” she replied. “He chose to drink and party, and he chose to drive

his car when he shouldn’t have. I begged him not to drink, but he always laughed me off, saying he

was only having fun and wasn’t hurting anyone. I let myself believe him. But in the end Dustin made

the reckless decision that took his life. He missed out on knowing our son. He missed out on his future

as a star. He missed out on so much. But it was no one’s fault but his. I blamed myself for so long, but

I know now that he made that decision. Not me. And not you.”

No one had ever told me that. I knew it was true, but no one had ever said those words to me. Still, I

knew what I’d said to Dustin to send him racing back to Sienna in a panic. He was worried I was going

to tell her what he was doing. He wanted to stop me. I’d never imagined he would get behind the

wheel.

“I loved him. I miss him every damn day,” I said, gripping the edge of the countertop. I never

talked about Dustin like this. It hurt too much.

“I loved him too. He was my best friend. He gave me the greatest gift on earth before he left me. I

have Micah.”

I wanted her memories of Dustin to remain intact. I owed my brother that much. Because I wasn’t