Текст книги "Scars of his warth"

Автор книги: Zoey Ellis

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CHAPTER THREE

"Naya.” Her father’s voice was at least controlled, even if not completely calm.

Naya didn’t turn to look at him. She continued to pace, her arms wrapped around each other, palms clutching elbows. Her horror and shame ebbed away, leaving her trembling with smoldering anger and defensiveness.

She had no idea when Papa entered her quarters, but she sensed him. His confusion, annoyance, and concern prickled along her back from where he stood in the door behind her. He’d found her in her office, but her private quarters were a series of connected rooms—from her bedroom to her personal library—and it felt like her father’s mood expanded to all of them.

“You have responsibilities,” he said. “You cannot just get up and leave the Great Hall in the middle of a seasonal audience.”

“Then you should have prepared me for it,” Naya bit out.

“How were we to do that? You’ve been avoiding these meetings, Naya, avoiding us. Gilly only managed to see you yesterday by chance. At some point you just have to do as you’re told and sit through them like your mother and I do. How do you expect to learn how to deal with the various problems that arise in this empire if you don’t even attend when our people bring them to us?”

Exhaling long and slow, Naya turned to her father.

His thick and bulky Alpha warrior build had always towered over both her and her mother, but the strength of force it represented was evident in the success of the Lox Empire. Papa was a serious man whose fierce attitude and determination had established him as the most powerful Alpha, not just in the Lox Empire but in the collective continents referred as the Known Lands. Even as the years had worn on, etching his features with lines, age couldn’t diminish the power that resonated around him.

Only with his family did Naya ever see a softness to him—he loved them all deeply. But that didn’t weaken his opinion or position. The expectations and standards he held his children to were supportive and inspiring and crushing, and none could escape them.

“Papa.” Naya wrestled with the turbulence within her, locking it down so she could try and sound reasonable. “I’m not the best choice to be the next heir if⁠—”

“Nayara.” He used her full name to slice off her words, stern and sharp. “We both know that isn’t true. You’ve spent years preparing for this. The people know and trust you. You’ve given your time to meet with them, visit them in their homes. You’ve traveled all over the Known Lands, outside of the Lox Empire, and met with the other rulers. You’ve studied the various empires, specifically our own, in so much depth; trade, warfare, Alpha/Omega politics, merchant law, wealth management, local country laws⁠—“

“Papa, that’s not⁠—“

“And you are a trained Lox warrior!” The words burst from him and thundered down to Naya’s core. “No one else in the entire Known Lands possesses the kind of combat skill and magical ability you wield. It is unheard of. You know what you mean to this empire. You were born for this.”

At yet she had still fucked up in the worse way. Somehow, it hurt more to hear the proud edge to his scolding.

“You are the heir. No question. One difficult situation doesn’t mean you discard everything and hide. Now it is time to do what is expected of you.”

“It wasn’t just a difficult situation, Papa.”

“I know what it was!” Impossibly, everything about him hardened even more. “You think you were the only one who suffered that day, Naya?”

Her fury unfurled, colliding with his. “I was the one who caused it!”

They glared at each other, their eyes locked in raw determination. Their quick breaths were the only sound filling the room for a long moment.

“You have three other children,” Naya said, finally. “I’m not the only one who could run this empire.”

Papa’s response was blunt. “You are. You know the history about the birth of this empire more than anyone. Your existence represents that journey. You are my firstborn. It’s in your blood, your abilities, your talents.”

“My talents?” Naya scoffed, her frustration twisting her anger into a hot, uncontrollable heat. “My talents don’t make me suitable if they destroy things.”

Papa was silent for a moment, inhaling deeply as he took a few steps into the room. “You need to forgive yourself. Nothing is predictable in this life. Things like that happen.”

“I haven’t seen it happen to you and Mama. Ever.”

Papa’s voice calmed. “It has.”

Naya made a face. “After you both started running the empire?”

Papa was emperor before he found his mate, and Naya had heard and read the stories of how citizens had been fearful and rebellious back then. After her parents bonded and both ruled together, the empire thrived.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he barked. “Are you talking about this true mate thing again?”

Before Naya could respond, Mama rushed into the room, her usual bright, warm eyes clouded in concern. “Naya, what happened? Why did you leave the meeting like that?”

Papa’s voice was terse. “She no longer wishes the run the empire.”

“No, it’s not that.” Naya sat down on the chair behind her, sighing as the tension in her chest ebbed. “I want to rule properly, without getting things wrong or making decisions that hurt people.”

“No one ruling such vast and diverse lands will get everything right for everyone all the time, Naya,” Papa said. “That isn’t the way it works. You make the best decision you can with the information you have available.”

“I did, Papa.” She glared at him. “And it caused one of the biggest disasters in the history of this land.”

Papa exhaled heavily. Pulling another chair from next to her desk, he sat down in front of her. Shades of silver spread from his hairline and dusted his beard, but he’d hardly changed from the man who handed her her first sword twenty years ago.

Ma walked to Naya, who remained sitting in her chair, and enveloped her in a hug. It was the kind only she could give, warm and comforting, like she was trying to squeeze a bit of herself into Naya. The anger that had reared up earlier wilted under its pressure.

She stroked Naya’s hair and kissed her forehead. “I know that was traumatic for you, Naya,” she said. “But we’ve tried everything we can think of to help you cope with the nightmares and memories and depression. You isolate yourself in that forest and avoid us all… you don’t even talk to Kaari anymore.”

“I’m still talking to the healer,” Naya mumbled into her chest, refusing to allow her guilt to build over not talking to her longtime friend.

Mama stepped back, holding Naya at arm’s length. “Is it helpful?”

Naya didn’t know how to answer. It had helped at first, when the grief was raw and the anxiety overwhelmed her, but now the progress was slow.

Mama released Naya and moved to stand next to Papa. His arm automatically wound around her, drawing her close. She leaned into him, her expression soft. “Does making that mistake mean you’re never going to try again? Are you just going to avoid making decisions about the empire?”

Naya caught her lip between her teeth and dragged it back and forth for a moment. “If that’s what my decisions cause, then maybe I’m not fit to rule. We cannot all be blind to that.”

Papa growled his displeasure, but Mama placed a hand on his chest. “Then who is?”

Naya opened her mouth, fully intending to say Drocan, her brother closest in age, but hesitated. None of her siblings had ever expressed an interest in running the empire, at least not to her. Everyone had been told it was Naya’s role. She didn’t want to put Drocan in a position he didn’t want, even though he was completely capable.

“You are the only one who has such a deep connection to magic, Naya,” her mother said, when she failed to answer.

“And it’s not just that,” Papa said. “You represent a lot to the empire. Every country celebrated for months when it was announced your mother was pregnant, and they celebrated again when you were born. They still celebrate every year on your birthday.”

Naya stiffened, trying to shield her already jagged emotions from a fresh wave of remorse. “I know, Papa,” she said, her voice hoarse. “I know what I mean to them.”

“And what you mean to us,” Papa thundered. “We fought for the right for Omegas to stay with their parents and grow up safely. You were the first to benefit from that, Naya. Other parents were encouraged, seeing you grow and mature. The Omega village you walk through every time you go into that forest you hide in was created specifically to give Omegas a safe upbringing with their families. It was unheard of before.”

“I know, Papa,” she shot back, rising from her chair. “Do you think I am ungrateful? Do you think I don’t want to continue the legacy you and Mama have created for Alphas and Omegas to thrive? Why do you think I’m so worried about this? I want to get it right! I don’t want to be a disappointment to everyone who is relying on me to run the empire successfully.”

Papa’s eyes shone with a strange fury. “You could never be a disappointment.”

“I already am!” Naya said, her words precise and punctuated. Why couldn’t he see it? “I caused multiple unnecessary deaths of our people, Papa. You are so blinded by your expectation that I will excel that you’re overlooking that I could be the biggest danger the Lox Empire has ever faced.”

Papa’s disbelief and fury twisted his face, like her words had been a dagger so foul, it had snuck around his defenses and stabbed his very heart. “That is fucking impossible, Nayara.”

“Drocco,” Mama murmured, her palm patting his chest. “Language.”

“You just need time to hone your instincts,” Papa said. “It’s the same as being a warrior. No one can run an empire without experience and training. That’s what you’re building up with every decision you make. You need to focus on that and stop trying to be perfect.”

“I’m not trying not be perfect,” Naya shot back. “I just think finding my true mate would solve⁠—”

“It won’t.” Papa shot the words out, hard and blunt. “And it’s taking too long.”

Naya drew her lips in, her eyes blazing at her father. In that moment, she remembered just how much they were alike. They both had horrendous tempers, and growing up, her father had always been in charge. But she was a fucking adult now, and this was her life. The last six years might have hollowed her somewhat, but she wouldn’t allow him to roll over her opinion.

“I know we encouraged your search at the beginning,” he added, “but these pairings are starting to take up too much of your time. I was told you’ve had as many as eight pairing meetings in one day! You ignore your responsibilities but make time to meet Alphas.”

“This isn’t a selfish quest, Papa. I’m not doing this for myself. It’s the only way I’ll be able to run the empire.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Ma held up her hand to interrupt the back and forth between them. “What do you mean by that, Naya? Are you saying you can’t rule until you find your true mate?”

“I’m saying my ability to rule properly will be impaired unless⁠—”

“That’s an excuse,” Papa said.

“It’s not!” Naya gestured to them. “You are the perfect example.”

Silence fell between them and her parents stared at her. “What do you mean?” Mama asked.

“You both run the empire fairly and with equal accountability, taking on different responsibilities for the specific needs of the various countries and their people. You make decisions together and support each other as well as the needs of the Lox Empire as a whole.”

“You can do that alone, Naya,” Papa said.

“But you didn’t,” Naya shot at him, her eyes blazing. “You ran the empire with an iron grip until Mama came along, and it was only then that our people began to respect and thrive under your rule. You benefited from her presence and so do our people. Now you both rule instinctively, harmoniously, with the same goals and drive and purpose. Why wouldn’t I want that with someone? Why wouldn’t you want that for me?”

Her words had an impact this time.

Ma’s shock left her open-mouthed and swaying, while Papa scowled up a storm—which meant he was thinking about what she said.

Individually her mama and papa had their strengths and achievements. Papa was known to be a fierce and unforgiving emperor who created the first army of Alphas, who’d taken over the Eastern Lands, and returned Omegas to the population after Omega children had been disappearing from across all of the Known Lands for over 100 years.

Ma was completely beloved by the people. Citizens respected her father’s order and regime, but it was her mother they adored. She was the first Omega who had officially reappeared, which made it safe for other Omegas to do so. She could do no wrong and was held up as the standard of what an Omega should be. It was an accurate assessment because she was indeed beautiful and kind and fair. Omegas flocked to her from all over the Known Lands for her support and protection and guidance. Her people were proud of her.

But her parents couldn’t deny that they had achieved an enormous amount of respect and admiration for their actions as a couple. They balanced each other and that reflected on the health and prosperity of the empire. Their ruling decisions were fair, clever, and considerate. The empire had enjoyed a significant growth in wealth, trade, and education since their rule began. Life was peaceful, with less crime and more opportunities. The number of families and birth rates had increased exponentially, citizens were happier, and they united around a cultural identity with an Alpha and Omega ruling couple at its heart.

It also helped that her parents were revered for their obvious love and adoration for each other. Sometimes it was just the way they looked at each other—an intimate look between them could silence a room. They were the ideal example of an Alpha and Omega couple, and their love has been celebrated proudly by the empire for over twenty years.

“So much about you as a couple has guaranteed the perfect balance of a well-run empire,” Naya said, sitting back down on her chair. “I can’t ignore the obvious benefit of that. If I found my true mate and ruled alongside him, just like you both do... I wouldn’t make mistakes.”

Her voice felt small against their silence. She’d never discussed this with anyone and hadn’t been clear with her parents about the importance of her pairing attempts. Searching for one’s true mate was a contentious topic in the empire.

“It’s what’s best for the people,” she added. “Once I am mated, I will rule just as successfully as you both.”

“Naya….” Mama’s hesitation and uncertainty knitted her brow. She extracted herself from Papa’s arms and knelt in front of Naya. Reaching up, she enveloped Naya’s hands with her own.

“Are you saying that your father and I are a lot of live up to?”

Naya blinked at her. How could she not feel that? Her parents have been hailed as the greatest ruling couple of their time—higher than the rulers of other Known Lands.

“Because we don’t believe that.” Her words were slow and deliberate. “Don’t believe every rumor and piece of gossip revering us, Nay. A lot of the way the citizens feel about us is because of what we are, not the things we’ve done. You are stronger and smarter than both of us, separate or together. We’ve taught you everything we know, but we don’t have your abilities or your potential. You know that, don’t you?”

Ma’s gaze pierced her own, and Naya found she couldn’t even blink to break it. “There’s no evidence of that, Mama,” she said. “I visited the Records Keep and studied the histories for the Known Lands. There hasn’t been a single ruler in any land that’s been more successful than a couple. And none yet more successful than you.”

“Even so,” Mama said, even more carefully, “the chance of you finding your true mate is…. It just isn’t something you can rely on, Nay.”

“Is that why you set up my last pairing?”

Mama blinked, taken aback. “You had that already?”

“I was having it at the start of the seasonal audience. It’s why I was late.”

Papa growled. Mama twisted around and shot him look that silenced him. “We arranged it, yes,” she said, turning back to Naya. “We think Lonn is a good choice for you, if you want someone within the empire, but we didn’t realize how seriously you were⁠—”

“What do you mean? Someone within the empire?”

Papa lurched forward, his brows pulled down in a frown. “You know you may never find him, don’t you? You could look forever and never come close. You might waste your life away searching for someone who might have died at birth or been lost at sea or is mated to another. You cannot base your entire rule on that, Naya!”

“Drocco!” Mama snapped. “I’m trying to⁠—”

“No, Cailyn.” Papa rose from his chair, the full enormous size of him towering over them. “If our rule is intimidating to her, that is a good thing. She should be rising to meet that challenge, like she did with her warrior and magic training. One mistake doesn’t mean she risks everything on something that may never happen.”

Naya glared up at him. “So you’re not going to give me a chance to even try? Even if it means no more deaths?”

“We have already given you plenty of time. You are twenty-five years old, Naya, the same age as your mother when I found her. Back then, fathers didn’t even wait until their daughters were of age before arranging their mates.”

Horror struck Naya like a thunderbolt. “You’re going to arrange a mate for me?”

“King Malloron’s Alpha sons. Your union with one of the twins would be celebrated by both of our Lands.”

Naya’s mouth moved, but she couldn’t speak. She’d known the princes since she was a baby, but marry one? Dread surged down her back. “But… I⁠—”

“If you won’t choose Lonn, you will have your union with one of them and then you will start actively working on the problem in Satherthorne.” Papa turned toward the door, scooping up Mama along with him. “You have a few days to decide who you prefer. I can invite the princes here this week, if you want to meet them again before you decide. But after that, you need to focus on what is important.”

Naya shot up from her chair, her yell tearing out of her throat. “You tore the world apart to have your true mate but I can’t want to find mine?”

Papa slowed and turned back toward her. Something flickered on his face too fast for her to catch, but then all at once the stern annoyance holding his whole body stiff gave way to a somber heaviness.

“I wasn’t looking for a true mate when I found your mama, just an Omega.” His muted tone, so deeply contrasted his previous outbursts, every word felt significant, and Naya found herself holding her breath. “But I was incredibly lucky. I wish all my children could experience what I and your mama have. It is the most incredible marvel I’ve experienced in my life, and the treasure I hold most dear, alongside you and your brothers and sisters. But chasing it when it may never happen can destroy even the most resilient of spirits and hearts, Naya. I’ve seen it. Alphas in my army who will not settle for anything less—men who fear nothing and have wills of steel. They have been searching for decades and that single-minded focus has eroded the people they are—or could have been. They’ve become wrecks—bitter and angry with the world. Being a Lox warrior is the only thing they have left, yet they are surrounded by happy couples, and Alpha/Omega families.

“I don’t want that for any of my children, but especially not for you. You are the one who will rule, and your view on this could harm the empire as you age and become lonely. You can still be happy if you choose a suitable pure Alpha who understands how special you are and makes an effort to respect and love you for the beautiful Omega you are. Lonn will do that, and he has Lox training. You’re a good pair. He is my preference but if you don’t like him, then your choice is between Prince Zannox or Prince Lok.” His jaw hardened again as he glanced at Mama and then back to Naya. “And that is final.”

Naya could barely speak. She now fully understood her father's point, and the grim truth in his words certainly softened her resistance, but she still couldn't see why she couldn't try a little while longer. Being forced into a marriage was reminiscent of the days before her father’s rule. She looked at Mama, but while they didn’t always agree on everything concerning their children, Mama’s drawn expression was resigned.

“Mama.” The word came out with surprise and hurt that her own mother could support this.

Mama looked up at Papa for a long moment and sighed. Her father put her back down and she walked up to Naya, rubbing her face like it hurt her say the words. “If you hadn’t been trying so hard to find your mate for the last few years, I would fight your father on this. But how much longer do you plan to look, Nay? Did you consider that? Did you give yourself a deadline or even a schedule?”

Naya said nothing. Of course she hadn’t.

“That’s the problem,” her mother said, exhaling softly. “You are searching for your true mate through sheer desperation and a fear of failing; that is exactly what your papa is talking about. You can see that can’t you?”

Naya set her mouth into a thin line. “It doesn’t matter how long it takes. I refuse to hurt any more of my people. They’re relying on me.”

“We all are, Nay.” Mama brushed her hand along Naya’s cheek, her own eyes shimmering. “But your way has a lot of flaws. We’re just trying to make sure you don’t needlessly suffer.”

Papa wound a thick arm around Mama’s waist and drew her close until she was pressed against his side again, tears trickling down her cheeks. Leaning down, he nuzzled her head and squeezed her tight, comforting her.

Naya watched them. This was exactly what she was talking about. She’d grown up watching her parents comfort each other in times of distress. They did it instinctively, without even knowing they were doing it most of the time. When she was younger, she’d loved seeing it. And as she got older, the more she watched them, the more she realized the importance of the instinctive support they provided each other. Would they be effective rulers without that? It was unlikely. So how was she expected to be? Even setting aside her duties as a ruler, who wouldn’t want what her parents had?

Papa drew Mama in front of him and enveloped her in both of his arms, and as he did so, caught Naya’s eye. She crossed her arms and lifted a brow. Papa immediately caught the implication and scowled at her, but still pulled Mama close.

A knock at the door drew all of their attention.

It was Gilly. She bowed deeply, greeting the imperial couple, before addressing them all. “High Chief Kardos has arrived, your Imperial Majesty,” she said to Papa. “He said to tell you he is going straight to the training grounds.”

Papa nodded. “It sounds like he has some aggression to work out.” He exhaled. “And so have I.”

Gilly turned to Naya. “Princess Kaari arrived with the high chief, Your Highness. Would you like me to show her in?”

“No,” Naya said, her chest weighed down by the implications of their conversation.

“Talk to her,” Papa said, his words so abrupt it came out like an order. “She doesn’t come to watch her father and me spar. She comes for you.”

Ma reached out a gripped her hand. “See your friend, Naya.”