Текст книги "Prince of Demons"

Автор книги: Nora Ash

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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 24 страниц)

37

Kesh

Dark magic slammed into his body, tearing him out of pure bliss as the power of it pushed him off Georgia’s trembling body. Leaving her vulnerable and exposed.

A roar ripped from his throat as fury beyond comprehension slammed shut over his mind.

Mallorn stood in the broken-down doorway, horror and anger painted all over his face. Magic still sparked from his hands. “You fucked her! You could have killed her! Are you out of your mind, you piece of shit? That’s my future mate! Mine!”

Another blast of power erupted out of his Second, but this time, it didn’t make impact.

All that registered in Kesh’s mind was that this male was trying to take Georgia from him. With force.

His fury exploded.

There was a mighty boom. Magic blacked out the air, walls crumbled with a groaning screech as the building itself shook in its foundations.

Georgia screamed.

Fear shot through his fury, bright and horrific, turning murderous intent to single-minded focus.

“Georgia! I’m here, love. I’m here!” He stumbled forward through the slowly waning darkness, drawn to her like he’d been attached by a leash. She lay crumbled on the floor, curled around herself, black soot streaking her naked back and hips.

Kesh fell to his knees by her side and gathered her into his arms, protecting her body with his own. “Are you hurt? Tell me you’re unharmed!”

“I… I think so,” she stammered, voice hoarse; weak. Her hands found his arms, clinging. Instinctively seeking his protection.

Clutching her closer, he got to his feet, magic billowing around him in a protective cape.

The ceiling was gone. As were the walls. His entire apartment was one open wound, bare to the sky. Only a hastily erected magic shield kept the howling wind from tearing through the space.

His father, the creator of said shield, was crouched next to Mallorn—also contained in a swath of magic. Blood seeped from his Second’s nostrils and fury blazed in his eyes.

“It seems we have a little… misunderstanding on our hands.” The calmness in Kirigan’s voice belied the situation entirely. “The girl is Pure. She belongs to a lord.”

Pure.

Shock washed through Kesh’s entire system. He stared down at Georgia safely nestled in his arms—at her naked body, and the semen still trickling from her flushed opening.

His father had called her Pure before her pheromones hit, and Kesh’d lost all sense—but he’d barely registered it at the time.

Had he truly known? Before he took her? That she wouldn’t die from his need?

Horror that had nothing to do with Mallorn’s attack turned his inners to ice.

“Pure?” Mallorn spat. “She’s Pure, and you still dangled her in front of all your men—in front of me—to, what? Rally the troops? Ensure my loyalty? All the while, you kept her here, locked in your bedroom… for yourself?! What was the fucking plan, your Highness? Make her fall for you, make her choose you, so you wouldn’t have to offer her to auction for the other lords?”

Mallorn’s rage was like a storm of gnats biting at the edges of his focus. But he barely registered the words, the accusations. All he was capable of was the sharp cold spreading through his blood with every heavy thud of his heart.

“Get out.” His voice came out shaky—unhinged. “Get out of my sight. I will deal with you later.”

His Second’s eyes widened, the rage turning molten, but Kesh had no capacity to care. He turned his gaze back to the woman in his arms, shifting his grip on her trembling body so he could turn her face toward him with a finger.

Her blue eyes were wide with alarm and her lips quivered.

A flash of every harsh thrust into her body lit up in his brain and shivered through his body. He’d been brutal with her. She’d begged for it, pleaded, but only because her ring had been activated.

He’d done to her what his father did to his mother.

The ice in his blood reached his heart.

He looked back toward the other two demons. Mallorn was gone, but Kirigan remained, still shielding the remnants of his penthouse from the wind with his magic.

“We need to move to the lower floors, get Georgia out of the open. Then discuss… what comes next.” Without waiting for confirmation, he marched toward the stairway leading to the lower floors. They passed the open void of the elevator shaft, now sans carrier, Georgia clinging to him instinctively. Instincts seeking him for protection, despite what he’d done to her. His gut felt hollow as he carried her down five floors, making sure the structure above them wasn’t compromised before he brought her into the empty space made up of steel and concrete.

He’d purposely kept the floors beneath his penthouse barren and unoccupied, making them easier to patrol and keep clear of hostile forces. It hadn’t been enough to keep Georgia safe.

“What happened?” He turned to his father, still clutching Georgia tight to his chest. “How did this happen? I left you in charge of her safety, and you let a goddess near her?”

“She must have accessed the bedroom from the balcony and somehow blocked her magic’s trace upon entering. I only noticed its lingering vibration once I entered the bedroom to investigate her screams.” Kirigan calmly unbuttoned his shirt and held it toward Georgia. “Did she say anything to you, before the attack, dear one?”

Georgia accepted the shirt with trembling fingers. Kesh put her down to help her into it, frowning when she flinched at the cold concrete under her feet.

“Y-yea. She said… Fate needed a push. That…” She frowned, hands stilling before she could pull the shirt over her shoulders.

Kesh grabbed it from her hands, buttoning it around her trembling body, before lifting her back into her arms and off the cold floor. “What else did she say, Georgia?”

“T-that I have magic, but it needs to be unlocked, like the queen’s was. And that…” Her blue eyes flashed up to his, large and uncertain. “That I needed to mate you or… or your father. She didn’t care which. I think that’s why she… She wanted either one of you to lose control and…”

“Claim you,” Kirigan finished her sentence when she trailed off, his brows knitting into a frown. “So she knew you were Pure. But why would she want us mated? Why would she want your magic unlocked when it would only be used to strengthen our side?”

“She didn’t say. She just…” Her bottom lip quivered at the memory of the violation. “I can’t believe I risked my life to save her, and she was just… just…”

Under normal circumstances, Kesh would have been all too happy to point out that that’s what happened when she let her stupid, soft heart overtake reason and self-preservation, but he couldn’t. Not now, not with his semen still crusted on her nether lips and the knowledge of what she’d been through, at his hands, fresh in his mind. He gripped her body tighter to still his hands from trembling and forced his mind to focus on something actionable. Something that didn’t make him feel like he might shatter into a thousand pieces if he thought about it for a single second longer.

“We need Kain here. And Selma—she’s far more versed in the treacherous ways of goddesses.”

Kirigan’s disturbing eyes rested on his face for a long moment. Kesh got the uncomfortable feeling his father saw every petty, possessive urge he was doing his hardest to pretend wasn’t there, but thankfully, he didn’t comment on whatever he found. Instead, he said, “I already called them. They’re on their way.”

38

Georgia

Possibly the prospect of meeting the demon king and queen, whilst wearing nothing but an oversized button-down and with semen still coating her inner thighs, should have preoccupied Georgia’s immediate thoughts.

However, nothing really penetrated through the fog of sheer shock and physical exhaustion as she sat in Kesh’s arms like an overgrown toddler.

Her body still shuddered with the remnants of orgasm, and she still felt the echo of him in her aching pussy.

Georgia looked up at the demon prince, searching for… something. Even just a moment of connection. What they’d shared… there were no words. It had been brutal, violent even… and so intensely intimate, a part of her had transformed underneath him. Become something else, something new. She felt raw and vulnerable, and everything in her ached for his comfort; for a moment to look into his eyes and see the shift between them acknowledged.

He’d called her love.

He’d called her his.

She felt it in the core of her being. She was his now. Something had happened in those brutal moments beneath him, something irreversible. She was his, because… because there was no way she could have come out of that experience and been anything else.

But was he hers, too?

He refused to look her in the eyes, though he held her so close the heat of his skin radiated into her body, promising her protection, promising affection.

Mine.

She knew she was his, because she knew why he wasn’t looking at her. Could feel his pain and fear like they were her own.

He didn’t see a willing woman in his arms. He saw his mother’s broken shadow.

“Kesh,” she said softly, trying to get him to just… look at her. To reach him.

Only a slight tightening of his grip on her body indicated he’d so much as heard her. He didn’t look down at her, didn’t connect his gaze to hers.

Didn’t give her the reassurance she needed.

Her heart sank, but she didn’t push him. There would be time for that later, when they were alone. She wouldn’t force him to open up and talk this through now, in front of his father—the monster responsible for his scars. Instead, she placed her palm over his heart in a soothing gesture, and rested her head against his shoulder. He might be lost in the darkness, but she wasn’t. What they’d just shared… There was no changing the outcome. Closing her eyes, she nuzzled her face in against his meaty shoulder. Mine.

Strong fingers stroked through her hair, almost as if he could sense her possessive thoughts. Perhaps he could. Georgia sighed softly and allowed the sensation of his fingertips against her scalp to soothe her reeling mind. Yes. Everything would be okay. They just needed to talk, and once he had met with his brother, and his scary father left, they would.

The demon king was everything she could have expected. He was as huge as Kesh, with auburn hair and the identical strong jaw and nose as both his father and brother—and he had the same air of too much mass compressed into his already overwhelming, human form, too. Even the scowl on his face as he entered the empty space under Kesh’s penthouse was identical to his brother’s.

The queen of demons was a different story.

“Hi! Georgia, right? I’m Selma. Oh, you poor thing, did he shred your clothes? Honestly, Kesh, if you were gonna go all caveman on the poor woman’s dress, at least have the decency not to blow up her wardrobe.” The small, round, very human woman shifted the baby in her arms, to better give Kesh a disapproving look, before she switched her attention back to Georgia.

“How are you hanging in there? Do you need some demon-free time? We can step out for a minute if you need, just the two of us.”

Before Georgia could so much as open her mouth, iron bands clenched around her body as Kesh clutched her tighter to his chest. “She will be going nowhere without me.” There was enough of a growl in his voice that the king’s eyes narrowed, and he took a half-step forward, shielding his mate and baby. “Watch how you talk to your queen.” His tone was low and rough, the edge of a threat unmistakable.

Kesh’s lip curled up in response, but Kirigan stepped in between them.

“Boys. Now is not the time. We have urgent matters to discuss, and no time for posturing. The girl is unharmed, Selma, and separating her from Kesh right now is bound to end in violence. Give him some time to calm, and you will be able to check on her if she so wishes. For now, I need everyone to focus on the real threat: a goddess made her way past our defenses and into Kesh’s home. Undetected. Which means she is old, and she is strong—and she has taken an interest in our family.

“I hope I don’t need to tell you how serious this is. Nothing good comes from divine interference, and we can ill afford to fight a battle on two fronts.”

“Well… what did she want? Do we know?” Selma asked, frowning. “I know you’ve got that whole demons-versus-gods thing going on, but they aren’t all entirely awful. Just like not all demons are. Perhaps we can, I dunno, figure out a way to work with her?”

All three demons present gave her a look that suggested she was off her rocker. King Kain looked gently concerned, Kesh like she had just suggested the Earth was flat, and Kirigan simply sighed, exasperated.

“My love, she is a goddess. She wants nothing but our destruction. You know this. Bealith isn’t representative of gods—she only helped you because she sees you as her subject,” Kain said, his gentle tone suggesting he was trying to make a particularly fragile mental patient see reason.

“Only the desperate strike bargains with gods, Selma,” Kirigan said, his voice patient but firm. “They are no different than demons when it comes to trickery and deceit. And this one has already proven as much. She violated Georgia to make either Kesh or I frenzied enough to claim her. Supposedly to activate her powers, like Kain did for you. We need to figure out why she would want more power concentrated in our family—and we need to figure out where she has taken the Stone of Power she stole, and what she intends to do with it. She is not a potential ally—she is a threat.”

Selma gave a small shudder, seemingly as creeped out as Georgia at the thought of Kirigan claiming her, but kept her cool. “Right. So she wants us to have more power? That doesn’t sound like a potential ally to you? I’m not saying her reasons are going to be savory, and I’m absolutely not saying what she did to Georgia is acceptable. I’m saying we might have a singular goal aligned, and it would be stupid not to consider if we can use this as an advantage against the Europeans.”

“Selma…” Kirigan paused, and Georgia could almost swear a flicker of something other than disturbing nothingness passed through his dark eyes. Something that looked almost… pained. “This girl is the first Pure Breeder to have been discovered since your auction. Before you, it was my late wife—who was the first in over thirty years. You are rare, dear one. So valuable, two continents are at war for the rights to you.

“If Kesh or I had put a claiming mark on this girl, it would mean the past three Pure Breeders in existence. across the entirety of the globe, would have belonged to our bloodline—and this time, we would have taken her illegitimately. Kain’s claim to the throne would crumble in a matter of days. Even our staunchest supporters would abandon us.

“Whoever this goddess is, she is not our ally. If her plan had succeeded, our bloodline would likely end before Georgia’s powers had a chance to awaken. If they would at all. Our first move needs to be securing the girl from further interference, and then we need to uncover this goddess’s identity, location… and motives.”

Selma sighed. “I’ll try to contact Bealith—see if she is willing to share any information on this goddess.”

“Wait… wait, what do you mean I’d be Kesh’s ‘illegitimately’?” The words were out of Georgia’s mouth before she could stop them.

They all turned to look at her—the queen, the king, and the monster who’d sired him. She felt the full weight of their attention, and the full vulnerability of her own undressed state, but this was all wrong. What they were saying, the implications… Her gut felt tight with mounting foreboding, and despite her attempt to keep her voice calm, it still quavered. “I was told I get to choose. How can it be illegitimate if I pick?”

There was a moment’s silence, the tension in her gut only increasing.

“She’s right,” the queen said. A brief but genuine smile flickered over her features. “If she chooses Kesh, that is her right.”

“Selma, it’s not that simple,” the king said, his voice soft. “The law that allows Breeders to choose their own mates has only been accepted for regular Breeders—not Pure ones. You know how difficult it was to get support for it. Attempting to convince the lords that the third Pure Breeder in a row should go to our family, simply because she chooses to, is going to cause a riot. Especially because Kesh has had unrestricted access to her while thinking she was a regular Breeder. It would be argued that he’s used this time to influence her affections.”

Selma pinched her lips. “What do you suggest, then? That we tear her away from him? That we allow the lords to treat her like a piece of meat for auction, just because it’s inconvenient for our politics that she picked your brother? You would never have allowed that to happen to me—yet you expect Kesh to allow it? And Georgia to submit to it? In the end, no matter how you look at it, her choice is all that matters.”

A glimmer of relief threaded through Georgia’s chest, softening the tightness there ever so slightly. The queen was on her side. They’d find a way⁠—

“You’re wrong.” Kesh’s voice was so soft, she barely felt the rumble of it where she was pressed against his chest. “It’s not her choice. It’s mine.”

“Excuse me?” Selma asked, but her voice drowned in the thundering of blood in Georgia’s ears as she looked up at Kesh and saw the distant, cold expression in his eyes. She knew what he was gonna say before the words came, and gut-wrenching pain twisted her heart.

“Kesh… Kesh, no. Please, look at me, please—” She reached for his cheek to turn his face toward her, to make him look at her—make him remember what she knew they’d both felt when he took her, but he didn’t budge. He looked straight ahead, at his brother, not so much as acknowledging her panicked attempts at reaching him. There was only cold indifference in his voice when he said, “I am not mating this Breeder. Nothing is more important than our family’s survival. She will pick her mate among the lords who support us. That is my choice.”

39

Georgia

“Kesh…”

His name fell from her lips one final time, but the constriction of her throat made it sound like barely more than a whisper.

He ignored it, as he had her other attempts at reaching him, and turned his attention to his brother. “My Second knows of the Breeder’s Pure status. If this information hasn’t spread already, it’s only a matter of time before it will. We need to regroup and prepare to send out invitations to her courting as soon as possible if we are to avoid a revolt. I suggest we move to my official premises and proceed. The sooner this is handled, the better for everyone.”

Horrible, cold numbness sank deep into her chest.

This was really it. Everything she’d felt, that all-encompassing connection, truly meant nothing to him. Or, at least, less than his duty to his family.

She supposed she shouldn’t have expected anything different. He’d made it clear from the beginning that his priority was to ship her off to some other demon as soon as possible, so he could return to what truly mattered to him: his war, and his family’s survival.

She’d been naïve to think that moment between them meant the same for him as it did for her. The cold numbness spread through her whole body. He was a demon. What did she expect? He was a demon; any sense of humanity she’d seen during their time together would never measure up to the truth of his nature. And she… she’d allowed herself to believe that there was more to him, more to their so-called connection than the simple fact that he and all his kind saw her as a womb to breed, because… because he was the first person since Larry to ever treat her like she mattered.

The humiliating truth made her close her eyes, the sound of Kesh’s family turning to a wordless murmur behind the rushing of blood in her ears. How pitiful, how disgustingly weak she was to have pinned hopes of love on the Prince of Demons.

The air felt too thick to breathe, his strong arms around her body like iron bands restricting her lungs.

“Put me down.”

Kesh ignored her—they all did. They were discussing how to host this ‘courting’, this ritual to pretend she had semblance of choice in the matter.

“Put me down!” Anger, refreshing amidst the icy numbness, washed through her. This time, her voice projected loud enough that he couldn’t ignore her.

Kesh’s eyes flicked down briefly, but didn’t connect with hers. “No. The floor is cold, and you have no shoes.” His tone was calm but vaguely irritated. Like she was a persistent child demanding sweets before dinner.

“I don’t care. Put me down right now.” Her skin crawled, the sensation of his warmth against her no longer soothing, but violating—a reminder of a betrayal she had no right to feel. “Put me down, put me down, put. Me. Down!”

“Kesh—” There was a hint of warning in the queen’s voice, but he ignored her, as he did Georgia.

“So it is decided? We will send for the lords this evening, and the courting will begin tomorrow aftern—” His voice died when Georgia’s hand impacted with the side of his head with as much force as she could muster. Finally, his black eyes met hers.

“Put me down, Kesh. I don’t want you to touch me—ever again.” There was more malice in her voice than she’d ever contained in her life.

His jaw worked once. Twice. Something flared in his gaze, angry and raw, and for just a moment, she thought she saw just a sliver of regret. Her heart gave a spasm, somewhere past the rage, but then his expression smoothed into cold indifference and the fizzle of hope withered before it ever fully sprouted.

Silently, he let her slide to the concrete floor. Immediately, icy cold bit into the soles of her naked feet, and for a split second, she wished she was back in his arms. Then he turned his back on her, as if she didn’t exist, and stalked out of the empty space, leaving her behind with his family.

Yes. What she’d felt underneath him, in his arms… even when she’d held him while he cried over the loss of his mother—to her human heart, those had been moments of connection had been so profound, it felt like it’d changed something in the very makeup of her DNA. To a demon, however… To a demon, they’d meant nothing.

She meant nothing.

Kesh’s official premises—AKA the converted casino that housed his throne room—were in wild disarray all throughout the night.

From the room on the second floor where she’d been sequestered, Georgia watched men—she assumed demons, but thanks to her brand she couldn’t know for certain—drag chairs and tables and enormous flower decorations out of an unending caravan of trucks and into the throne room below. It seemed the ‘courting’ of a so-called Pure Breeder required more pomp and circumstance than the ones who couldn’t survive a demon lord’s penetration.

Sometime in the early morning hours, when the exhaustion finally won out over misery and she managed to doze off, a large but not ridiculous plate of breakfast and a beautiful red gown appeared in her room. She woke up to the scent of bacon, and the dress draped across the dressing room chair.

It looked as expensive as any of the beautiful dresses Kesh provided for her during her time under his care, but on closer inspection, the fabric was stiff and heavy, with thousands of shimmering diamonds covering the bodice and rippling down the full skirt. He hadn’t picked this one—his selections had always been silky and butter-soft, beautiful but made for a comfortable skin feel first and foremost.

Whoever had selected the red gown had considered how to make her appear striking and regal, but not how it would feel to wear such a dress.

Georgia slid her fingers over the stiff fabric. It was no doubt as expensive as the jewels covering it, but to hold up the heft of the gown it had to be rigid. She didn’t mind—once upon a time, as a little girl, she would have given her left arm to wear such an extravagant dress. With what lay ahead in her life, she really should try to find the silver linings where she could. What did it matter that her already broken heart twinged at the knowledge that Kesh hadn’t cared enough to choose the dress she would wear to her courting ceremony? He’d made it plenty clear it was an inconvenient event he needed over with as soon as possible, so he could return his focus to what mattered to him: his men, his territory, and his family.

Her morose thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door. The queen entered, sans baby.

“Hey. I just wanted to check up on you. I know it’s all… a lot right now.”

Georgia shrugged, turning away from the dress. “It’s been a lot for a while now. This is just… an extra helping of the crap-cake.”

Selma sighed softly. “I’m… I’m truly sorry, Georgia. I keep trying to stop this… vile custom of using us as something to be owned, but as much power as I have now… I am not more powerful than the primordial need they have to possess.”

“It’s not your fault. I guess… it could be worse. Kesh said something about you changing the customs they used to have.”

Selma gave a humorless laugh. “Yeah… they used to auction us. We got dragged naked into an arena surrounded by demons who then bid on us. Whoever offered the most money, while also being able to win a fight against the other competitors, would get to fuck us right there, in front of everyone, then haul us off to birth children.

“Giving you some semblance of choice in who you mate… It’s not enough, but it’s… a starting point.”

Georgia shuddered at the far-too-vivid description. “It’s… It’s more than I thought I’d get. It will have to be enough.”

The queen’s chocolate eyes studied her for a long moment. “Do you love him?”

There was no point in asking who she meant. Georgia exhaled a slow, steadying breath and shook her head. “How could I? I’m just… I’m just an inconvenience to him. And he’s… cruel, and brutal… a cold-blooded killer. No, I don’t love him, I just…” She trailed off, unsure how to finish that sentence. When she dared a glance at the queen, the other woman’s face was drawn in gentle empathy.

“There was a time I didn’t think I could ever love a demon. They are… all those things. Monsters. But they are more than that—so much more. And there is no shame in loving them.”

“It doesn’t really matter whether I do or not. He’s made his choice. At least I get to make mine today, too.” Georgia managed a half-smile. “No one marries a demon and expects happily ever after. But it’s comforting to know that it is at least… a possibility, of sorts.”

Selma bit her lip, nodding as she let her gaze slide over the red gown. “There was… something else I wanted to discuss with you. The goddess who came to Kesh’s penthouse, did she… give you anything? Before she activated your ring?”

Georgia frowned at the change of subject. “Give me something? No. Why, what would she have given me?”

Selma reached into her pocket and pulled out a palm-sized, smooth, and dully glowing stone. A shock of recognition ran up Georgia’s spine at the sight of it.

“Nothing like this?”

“W-what is that?” The memory of Suzanne in her child-disguise, pressing an identical stone into her hand, prickled unpleasantly at her brain.

“This is a Stone of Power. One of the three most powerful demonic artifacts ever created. The European royals gave one to the old queen—I won it from her when I defeated her. According to my mate’s father, the lords Kesh was fighting in Maine had another, but the goddess who visited you yesterday stole it.

“Kirigan is right, of course. The gods are devious, and whatever plans they have are rarely for the benefit of humans, and definitely not those of us mated to their arch enemies. But… I do find it curious that the thief of this second stone sought you out and attempted to force a mating between you and a member of the family that currently holds another such artifact.” There was no accusation in the queen’s eyes, just calm reassurance. She knew.

“She gave it to me in Maine, when she was pretending to be a child,” Georgia whispered, the implications still too enormous to process. “I thought… I thought it was just a pretty stone. But I… I don’t have it anymore. It was in my pocket when Kesh… He ripped my clothes. It’s probably still somewhere in the rubble of the penthouse if you want it.”

Selma’s gaze sharpened. “If I want it? Do you not understand—this stone is power. And it was given to you. Over the centuries, demons have fought and died for these things, but you would just… offer it to me?”

A flush rose to Georgia’s cheeks. Unbidden, Kesh’s derogatory words about her inability to take what she wanted resonated in her mind. But that was ridiculous. She didn’t want some demonic artifact weapon—all she wanted was peace. A quiet life with someone who didn’t hurt her.

“What would I use it for? I’m not at war—you are. Better you take it than me. I wouldn’t even know how it works.” Turning back around to the magnificent red gown laid out for her courting ceremony, she ran her fingers over the fabric once more, trying to find some softness in it. “As I understand it, all I can do is marry one of your allies to ensure your support doesn’t crumble and you lose this war. Love was never in the cards for me, but if I can help in some small way to keep yours intact… that’s a nice bonus.”

“Georgia—”

“I don’t want it. All I wanted at the start of this was for my brother to live. He did. Kesh cured him. I don’t want any part in demonic relics, or war, or… or Fate. Or whatever that goddess thought was going to happen when she gave me that stone. Please, just… just let me try to find whatever peace I can.”

Selma was quiet for a long time. Finally, her voice softer than before, she said, “The main thing I’ve wanted for our kind was agency over our own lives. If this is your choice, I will support it. But please know that you aren’t alone, even when it may feel like it. If you ever need me in your new life, reach out. I will come.”

The red gown was as uncomfortable as it was beautiful.

Georgia stared silently at her own reflection, trying to reconcile the perfectly decorated doll she saw in the mirror with the empty sense of despair gnawing at her insides.